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school-knowing their limits
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school-knowing their limits

My 8 year old son has adhd. On days we forget to take his med in morning which is on very few occasions he acts out and some days he acts out and lies and says he didn't take his meds. The point I am getting at is my son has gotten into the habit of thinking he has no mind of his own without his meds. Everymorning he walks into school his teacher asks him if he has taken his meds before he has even had the chance to see his friends or do anything. I have told them to stop and he was going to office in morning before school to relax and calm down before bell. During a meeting with teacher and principal we decided to have him go to class and I asked them to stop asking him about his meds they have defied me in all of those areas. We are considering transfering schools because our case has not been the only case like this. Please lend me any advise to deal with this situation. His report cards always say satisfactory and outstanding and he is rarely in trouble. I do not see what they are doing.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi.  Well, I guess there must be a history there that the school is referring to.  Without medication------------  did he get in trouble and behaved in a disruptive way?  It is tricky stuff in school when you have a child that has a history of behavior not conducive to the classroom setting.  While I am not the hugest fan of medication, I also know that it is essential for some kids to maintain themselves and function properly in school.  Acknowledging this is not a bad thing.  If your son truly requires the medication in order to to handle himself in class----------  the school would have a right to be concerned that he is taking it.

With that said, however, I don't know what the point is of asking him at the start of the day.  He is already at school and I presume he didn't bring the medication with him.  Do they call you if he says he didn't take it with the expectation that you bring it to him?  If that is the case, maybe bringing in a sheet of paper with a check on it from you that he took it would solve their feeling like they have to ask.  Date it and put a check on it with your initials.  And I do think that requesting that they don't ask him publically is alright.  But if he needs that medication in order to maintain himself, I don't think it is bad they ask personally.  

I write this as a mother of a child with a developmental delay.  I understand that on a bad day, he is harder to handle than other kids.  I cringe at that thought but it is the reality.  I believe that the staff and teachers at his school do want him to have a good day instead of a bad one.  You may think this is to make things easier on themselves---  which there is some truth to but more importantly, it is hard on my own child to have a bad day.  His self esteem takes a nose dive.  It is also disruptive to the other kids while they are there to learn.  And another important factor is my son's social standing.  A bad day makes kids think differently of him.  Kids like my son and yours with adhd often have difficulty with peers--------- having a bad day takes them down a notch.  

And I think his believing that there is a correlation between how he does and taking his medication means he is learning to be responsible regarding his disorder.  I see this as a positive.  

One last note, you are considering transfering him from an enviroment that IS working based on his report card.  Whatever they are doing is effective.  I'd not throw stones at that.  good luck
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1687929_tn?1319429611
I just don't like how they don't give him a chance to be like one of the children and do as they do from the beginning. They start from the beginning of the day separating him before he has even done anything and that he has told me bring his self esteem down.its like they don't want to give him the opportunity to be at the same level of his peers. He doesn't understand why they ask him if he's taking it if he's listening and being good and I don't know what to say because I don't understand either. what they verbally tell me and then what they tell me  on notes and report cards are two different things.I try to talk to them and understand their reasonening then we end up on same page then within next few weeks it gets confused again. I have a degree in teaching and aspire to be a teacher and so this frustrates me even more when we can't get on same page when they tell me we are but show me the opposite. I don't want to give up on the school because they have brand new technology and its the newest school in the district.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Well, what about my idea of how to confirm to them that he has taken his medication without their having to ask him?  That also shows your committment to things.  Does your son have an IEP?  What things are in place within the classroom for him to function properly?  Is this what you are referring to when you say they pull him aside?  Bottom line, he IS succeeding there and that is your main goal.  Show him his report card and help him see that he is doing a good job.  

I don't think kids should be singled out.  It often ends up happening though.  This makes me wonder if he is indeed disruptive at times and they are concerned that any behavior carries over to the other kids.  Again, what does his IEP or 504 plan say?  Are they carrying out those items in the plan?  

I think that you should spend some time in the class yourself.  His grade level is still of an age that teachers love to have volunteers.  Start doing this.  If you are working, take a day off here and there and use it to be in his class.  This helps build solid relationships with school staff and teachers and also gives you first hand knowledge of how things go.  

Don't talk about it in a negative way to your son though.  That can put in his head that what they are doing is wrong and this creates problems.  good luck
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1687929_tn?1319429611
The school year is over so I am gatherinmg ideas up for next year. I will defenately do the note I'd rather do that than them ask him infront of his peers. We try not to talk about school problems to him but most of the time its him being upset because he doesn't act out and he gets gets treated differently. I hope a new teacher and a year older will help. I am thankful for all your advice I will truly use it.
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1687929_tn?1319429611
I hope next year I can get a teacher who will talk more with me. It was hard for me to figure out how my son was really actong during school. He is at my daycare I work at in their school age program this summer so I hope I can learn more about how he acts not in the home and I have asked his teachers to write me nbotes if they noticed any abnormal behavior/especially good behvior/vad behvior and just be specific on his day instead of the school year I just got a smily face/bad morning/bad afternoon/bad day on his daily thing and when there was a problem I couldn't really understand what happened. Whith my child I liked to be more informed about his daily attitude and I askesd for it but never received it.this comibg year I will defently have to take your advice and volunteer more. Do you think me being there will affect how he normally behaves? Should I just stop by without him knowing but inform the teacher? Should I just peek in window? How could I best observe him being his normal self in school?  
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535822_tn?1389452880
I think that the school is inappropiate not to abide by your wishes ..by bringing it up continuously seems they are belittling him .I agree with you about them giving him a chance to be like other children,.its about your child not how comfortable the school is ..my opinion is change the school I dont like to hear of children being singled out like this .Good luck I think you have a handle on the issue ..
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I would change his schools yesterday. They are ignoring your wishes. Margy is right.
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973741_tn?1342346373
I think we also have to remember that she is hearing this from her 8 year old.  It is second hand information.  I don't think anyone should grill a kid in the classroom in front of his peers.    Now, I"m protective of my boy.  I do not tell his friends he has sensory integration disorder.  He is young.  But I'm sure he will at some point.  He tells them he goes to see his "therapist" (our occupational therapist) and how fun it is and how it helps him feel better.  I would never want my son to be ashamed of who he is and his sensory is part of it.  It is not WHO he is--------  but part of his general make up.  I do tell all of his friends parents.  If he is at their house, I feel they should know.  Rather they understand he is having a "sensory" moment than just being 'bad'.  

If you wrote this and said that the school was not providing adequate care of him, not teaching him, not following his IEP/504 plan------- my response would be different.  I do find it surprising that teachers and staff would not find a better way to handle inquiring about medication (although I presume it would show if he didn't take it . . .)--------  I can only think they must plan on calling you if he hasn't taken it or that they may need an extra hand in the class if he acts out and want to be prepared.  Again, this would go to the history of the situation.  

The risk you run when changing schools is that what they provide could actually allow him to not be as successful as he is at this school.  Something is working.  And if we teach our kids to be US against THEM when they have a developmental issue such as adhd -----  it can really backfire.  I was given advice long ago that no matter what my feelings are about a situation, I put a positive spin on it for my kid.  I can work behind the scenes but if I am badmouthing his school and teachers, how could he possibly have a good attitude himself?  And kids with adhd and sensory are notorious for bad attitudes.  

There is a boy in my son's class that at the start of the year yelled out, hit kids, ran around the room.  My son came home every day talking only of him.  It was a big classroom focus.  My son did not want to be friends with him---------  and trust me, we have an all inclusive no matter what your personality is home.  We understand that kids are not cookie cutter and we should respect differences.  However, this boy scared him and he felt like he got in SO much trouble that being his friend would impact him in that way to.  Okay-------- so he is now on medication.  He is much better now in class.  The other kids can learn, see him as a boy that could use a friend (instead of one that no one wanted to be around), etc.  Two times in the last month of school he forgot his medication.  I know this because of the description from my son as to what he did those days.  So------- my son's teacher does have a right to be concerned if this boy doesn't take his medication because it impacts everyone in the class for the whole day.  That we had this experience this year is why I gave the responses that I did.  And also knowing that my own son does not want to have a 'bad' day at school.  Your son doesn't either.  So we do our best to help them with that.

Margypops knows that I am not a big medication person and I've never had my son on meds.  We handle his sensory issues through OT and what they call "heavy work", also coping skills and behavior management techniques.  He does pretty well.  So I'm not saying medication is the end all and he has to be on it.  I'm just relating to this because of the experience of the boy in my son's class.  

Anyway, those are my thoughts for what they are worth. . . which might not be much at all.  Mom to mom, I want all kids to have the best chance possible to be happy at school.
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535822_tn?1389452880
Its true specialmom is not hot on medication , I am not either I do admit there are some times when it has to be used but nothing like we hear about.,it seems way out of proportion..It was my opinion that this school had over reached it self .and it sounded as if the child was being singled out in the moms post ..
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1687929_tn?1319429611
Thank you all for your input. It has helped me a lot. I do not want him to be singled out by the school nor classmates and that's why I posted this question know so I can prepare for the next school year and by having him at my work I can better get him involved with other children and getting to feel more confident in his work and being around his peers. I never bash the school or teachers I always try to make what they do positive.    
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1687929_tn?1319429611
Please keep posting if you get any helpful ideas. I am hoping him being I thje school age program at the child dev center I work at this summer will give me an advantage to work with his teachers on getting him more comfortable with his peers and opening up. His teachers at my work tell me his behavior is perfect but he is more by himself and shy so we are going to work on that. I remeber at the beginning of the school year he talked about kids more openly but towards the end that diminished. I know this following year I can't let anything slip threw my fingers I feel like a lot did. And was probably my fault for not noticing the little things till the end.    
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973741_tn?1342346373
Here is an idea that someone gave me regarding fidgets. These can be really helpful for calming and staying on task and focused.  My son was reluctant to use one at school because the other kids didn't have one.  Three ways to approach that---------  1---  if finances aren't a huge issue, buy one for each member of the class and have your son or the teacher give them as a gift (everyone has one).  2----  have the teacher send something home to ALL the students that they can bring in something of this nature for themselves.  Some will and some won't but it is presented as something anyone can do and not a big deal if they do.  3---  he brings it in and keeps it in his desk.  Then during the day as he sits at his desk, he can slip his hand inside the desk and use the fidget (most have those open in front desks in elementary school.  Not sure which I'll do next school year but at least one of them for sure.  
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1687929_tn?1319429611
I like the idea of gettoing one for all the kids. I don't want other students to feel jealous or my son feel he is above others because he has a special something but I haven't done any of those so I don't really know but they are good ideas!!
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