seperation: child/father>move

My Ex proposes to move with our 10-year-old twin boys to a state where visitation with me will be very impractical as well financially difficult due to the sheer distance, my limited ability to finance such (I'm on a limited fixed income),and the fact that they are both diagnosed with ADHD. One of them also has rule out diagnosis of childhood bipolar, mild autism, Asberger's Syndrome, and sensory intergration, among others. He is truely a special needs child and I feel he needs constant involvement of both his parents in his life to insure healthy emotional, mental, and social growth. Their Mom proposes visitation on holidays, and during summer while school is out. This will be very problematic considering all the related factors as well as too infrequent in my opinion. Is there a considerable risk in this move leading to the sabotage of our children's mental, emotional, and social health?

[RockRose]

I think you're right,  all kids need their dads - and they especially seem to need their dad with their challenges.   Do you have any way to legally keep her from moving?  Was there anything in your divorce decree/visitation about taking the kids and moving far away?

I think this would be very sad for them to miss out on their dad.  They're about to enter teenage years,  when boys are VERY challenging for single moms.

[stump57]

Thanks for your support of my position. There is no legal custody agreement. The divorce papers include a secction which states that the mom wil maintain primary custody of the boys but there is no language concerning a long distance move. She assures visits that would include Skybus travel, but, due to financial circumstances, and the emotional and mental issues the children have, this would be difficult if not impossible to to accomplish.
I'm trying to determine if I can legally delay this move until these issues can be adressed.

[RockRose]

stump,  it sounds like you need to go back to court and ask the judge to rethink your agreement.  

Really,  your boys need you.  This is worth going to battle over.

Best wishes.

[stump57]

Thank you for your replies, RockRose. Rest assured that I intend to petition the courts for condideration in this matter. By the way, are you married (lol) I'm a glutton for punishment. (hah). If anyone has personal experience with my situation, I would certainly appreciate any feedback.

[Trialanderror]

I agree with RockRose, stump. Get this settled in court. Your boys are just too young to see their Dad during the summer break only. I don`t know how important your ex-wife`s reasons are to move that far. If her life depends on it, the two of you could also find a compromise to move to the same area. Or is she moving so you DON`T have any influence on your sons? And if so, why. You will know best.
Court psychologist say infants and toddlers need to see the non-custodial parent at least once a week to maintain or develop a healthy relationship. I personally believe this timing doesn`t change, an involved parent needs to be there when their kids` daily or weekly needs are still fresh and can be met. You can google custody arrangements - separation - visitation - influence on child to find evaluations of typical visitation arranegments and their psychological effect and discusss those with your ex-wife. Her plan may be okay in 6 or 7 years but likely not sooner.
I can not even make a two-hour trip with my son across the border without a letter of consent by my Ex - and that is just fine. Even though I would have liked to "wipe him out of my sight and mind" sometimes, we promised to never live further than 30 minutes apart so that our son could theoretically just hop on a bus and see either parent. No court agreements involved, just common sense.

[SeriousSam]

First check with some father's rights groups regarding your state. Some states have laws where if she can't prove she needs to move to keep her job she can't move the kids etc.  

More details are really needed.  

[SeriousSam]

Actually if you are not married there is some case law, but I am only really familiar with some of Illinois, and I am of course not an attorney.  I would, particularly while you know where she is put in for an order to restrain her from leaving  the state etc.

Plus if she remarries or moves you can have the whole custody issue re-opened.

[redneckmom]

I know that in the state of wisconsin when the child is born here both parents have to agree if one parent wants to move the children out of state.  If the children were born in another state that is a different matter.  Check into the laws. You are going to have to look into this and bring it up in court or no one will be able to help you.  I hope she does not move.  Your children need you a lot more than summers and holidays.  Once she moves she will have control and this is the last thing you need.

[SeriousSam]

I would search on Lexis Nexis, findlaw, or westlaw if you are going to go down this path.

[stump57]

Thanks for all your comments. I am seeing a laywer tomorrow to discuss a court order to stop the move untill my rights as a father, and the welfare of the children can assed. Can you believe she has ask me to care for the only child she has in her home for two to four weeks while she goes to the prospective "move state" to find employment, housing for the kids, etc. She has a lot of gall! She tells me that she is a grown woman and she can move any time she wants. The kids, even my 14yrs. old stepdaughter, are very open with me about their desire to stay close to me. I wonder if they don' feel comfortable expressing this around their mom or have been instructed not to. I would at least like them to have the chance to have their vioce heard.

[SeriousSam]

If the child she wants you to watch is your own do  it, while she's gone put in for custody and a court order.  Do you have a voluntary acknowledgment of paternity?  Name on Birth certificate?

Which state are you in?