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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
sexual awareness in a 4 year old?
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
sexual awareness in a 4 year old?
by Concerned Father, Sep 28, 2000 12:00AM
When is it typical for a child to become sexually aware? My daughter is 4 and I've noticed several times that she has been touching herself. I understand that this is an age where children begin to explore themselves, so I've tried to calmly explain to her about private parts and that she shouldn't be doing that. Yesterday though, she said a few things to my wife that really worry me.
She was talking to my wife about the "yellow triangle." My wife had no idea what she was talking about, and after questioning her for a few minutes, my daughter reached down and spread her private area and said "here, see." She also made some sort of comment that "when you touch it, it grows."
Is it possible that she has come up with these things on her own? I'm afraid something may be going on at her daycare either with another child, or a teacher. My wife tried to get her to talk more about it, but I think my daughter sensed that she was upset and changed the subject. My daughter is very intellegent and has always been socially more advanced than her peers, but this seems like more than normal developmental curiosity. How concerned should I be?
She was talking to my wife about the "yellow triangle." My wife had no idea what she was talking about, and after questioning her for a few minutes, my daughter reached down and spread her private area and said "here, see." She also made some sort of comment that "when you touch it, it grows."
Is it possible that she has come up with these things on her own? I'm afraid something may be going on at her daycare either with another child, or a teacher. My wife tried to get her to talk more about it, but I think my daughter sensed that she was upset and changed the subject. My daughter is very intellegent and has always been socially more advanced than her peers, but this seems like more than normal developmental curiosity. How concerned should I be?
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Sep 30, 2000 12:00AM
, Sep 30, 2000 12:00AM
Two things seem to be occurring. In a general sense, if all your daughter was experiencing is the pleasurable sensation of touching her genital area, this would be regarded as entirely normal and all you would need to do is educate her about doing this in a private space, such as her room, not in public areas or in the presence of other people.
Her particular comments, though, would not be expected. She has learned those from someone, and it is sensible on your part to voice some curiosity about this. Definitely mention it again, perhaps with both you and your wife present, in a very calm quiet, supportive way. Also, speak with her teacher about this and see what she might be able to tell you. If you know the parents of any of the other children in her program, ask them also. They may have some information that you might find helpful.
Her particular comments, though, would not be expected. She has learned those from someone, and it is sensible on your part to voice some curiosity about this. Definitely mention it again, perhaps with both you and your wife present, in a very calm quiet, supportive way. Also, speak with her teacher about this and see what she might be able to tell you. If you know the parents of any of the other children in her program, ask them also. They may have some information that you might find helpful.
Member Comments (2)
by Kathy, Sep 29, 2000 12:00AM
We had this same problem with our 5 year old last year, and also the same concerns. After a weeks of asking with no responce from her I asked her very calmly about it at bedtime. Her older cousin who is also a girl (7) was playing a touch game with her. I think if you are very calm and catch her off guard she will tell you when she is confortable. I would observe very carefully and not rule anything out untill then.
