sheltering a child

I have three sons 8,5,and4. They all have friends do well in school and love the social groups at church. The problem is that I keep a close watch on what they view on t.v and what they listen to on the raido. My husband (their step-father) gave them a stero as a gift this past weekend. Last night at sunday dinner my boys were singing songs they have heard on the raido. I explained to them that the songs were unsuitiable for there age group and that I would get them tapes that they could listen to. They then told me "all the other kids we know sing these songs". I said maybe they do but can you sing songs from church or from school.Just because others do it does'nt mean you have to! They said alright and started to sing "Jesus loves me". I felt I did the right thing,but my husband said I am sheltering them and putting them in a position to be picked on. Since they won't know the lasted songs and be able to fit in with there friends. I do this with other thins such as there cloths, games ect.... If it isn't age approite I don't allow them to have it. My friends say the same as my husband (most of the time he is on my side). I am closing them up in my own world not allowing them to grow. I feel I am allowing them to grow and when their minds and maturity leveles can understand I will introduce things to them each child at their own pace.I just feel that some things are to adult for them and if they can't understand the full meaning then they should'nt be saying or doing those things. I just don't want them to grow up to fast. They will have plenty of time in the world as adults but only a few years as children. I want them to enjoy childhood. To use their imagination grow at a steady yet smooth pace.Am I wrong? Am I shelterting them? Are the words of others right. I don't keep them under me.I let them run free and explore their world. I only moniter how much of the world the take in some is okay. There just need to be an equal balance.

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Ms. Powell,

All parents need to take responsibility for the upbringing of their children, including matters pertaining to their appearance, their use of the media, their entertainment, etc. It's clear that you are trying to convey particular values to your children - this is a critical component of parenting. Are you going too far in monitoring them and setting the limits that you do? There's no way to answer that question in any absolute way. And there's plenty of space to maneuver between, for example, allowing the children to sing some songs played on commercial radio and insisting that they sing religious music. It's a good sign that you are listening to some of the feedback you're receiving - at least you're not discounting it out of hand. But ultimately you have to use your judgement and do what you think is the sensible and moral thing.

Consider, if you haven't already, that your children are at different developmental levels (particularly the 8-year-old vs. the 4-and-5-year olds). You may make some allowances due to this difference.

Andit is very important that you and your husband try to develop some uniformity in the expectations for your children. It's generally not helpful to children if their parents differ on some of the important things you indicate you and your husband don't agree on. It's more important that you are 'on the same page' than what other people might think. But, let's face it, sometimes other people have something to offer - it never hurts to carefully evaluate the merits of others' feedback.