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should i be concerned?

My 6 year old daughter is spoiled rotten by her dad.  She has been sleeping with him since she was about 1 year old.
Her dad and I went our separate ways long ago.  He is very protective of her also.  We share custody of her alternating weeks. When my daughter came back to me after her visit,  I asked her if she still slept with dad.  She said yes.  When are you going to sleep in your own bed I asked and she said never!  So, I told her to go put her PJ's on and she said do I have to,  and then went on to say when she sleeps with dad, the both of them only sleep in their underwear and t-shirt.  Now  lets rewind the tape to 2 years ago.   I noticed that after her visit with dad, and cousin that lived in same complex whom also is her playmate, she began doing freaky stuff.  Like I caught her several ocassions rubbing toys against her private, and even in the bath tub with her toys doing things.  She told me that her cousin would lay on top of her face to face while playing and just talk to her stuff like that.  After I kept hearing her tell me things, I then took her to talk to a psychologist.  After about six visits, it was determined that it was just something kids go thru at that age (Freud) and that if it were a boy then she would be more concerned but its just girls kinda discovering things.  By the way, no clothes were taking off or nothing.  But now, sleeping with dad with only underwear and t-shirts on.  Sounds like this has been going on for a while. Also, back when i had taken her to see the psychologist about it, my daughter at that time did not have a bed at dads house.  He had suddenly ran and bought her a bed because one of his family members must have told him to do so just in case so that if I had said something about them sleeping together he could say no we don't. Should I take her back to the doctor or?
7 Responses
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4851940 tn?1515694593
Because he is negligent and does not seek medical attention for your daughter when she is ill, and now that he did not protect her from being bitten by his or whoever's dog, I agree that you not allow him to have her for too long a time or without supervision.

Doesn't seem as he is being responsible enough with looking after your daughter.  

I presume when you say your "girl got bit by her new pet dog", that her father has bought her a dog without your permission.  I would not allow my child back if the dog is still there.  It is too risky.

Your daughter should still be allowed to see her father.  If you don't allow this, she will hold this against you.

Best of luck.
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Avatar universal
Me and my girl had the inappropriate touch me talk 2 years ago.  Summer shorts would be fine just as long as he puts something on as she will be turning 7yrs old. I'm sure my girl would tell me if dad were doing something, which again, I don't believe that.
Its just that there is no reasoning with him.  The more I share my concerns with him the more he continues to do them.  He does not communicate with me well at all and when I ask him why he doesn't inform on things going on with our girl, (injuries, illnesses, things that need medical attention etc) believe it or not he said he doesn't know why he does it?  Kinda like non shalaunt about things.  Won't even take her to the doctor, and I mean when she is really really ill or gets hurt when in his custody and I don't find out about it until the day she is due to come back to me.  Like is his brain cells not working.  It's like he doesn't think its important enough to tell me.  We were doing fine without the courts for the last almost seven years. We splint when she was one.  Although her going back and forth from one home to another is routine and she is use to it, I'm sure she probably wonders why her playmates have both parents in the same household. She is a happy child however has not at least asked me any questions on the matter. When she does I will explain.  I grew up in a single parent household since the age of two and honestly, it has never affected me because mom is all I knew/know.  I think she is very fortunate to have a dad in the picture partially involved.  We'll, although I am the primary parent, we will now be heading to court as I as I am at my wits end with his lack of communication.  My girl just recently got bit by her new pet dog, it was a nasty bite, again I was not told until two days later by my girl, nor did he seek medical attention just in case dog had rabbies.  Once again, I had to call hospital who told me to bring her in for antibiotics etc.. So, too many problems, so I worry about her safety. Not trying to get sole custody, But just want to do away with this alternating weeks. Fine with him having her on weekends, every other holiday........whatever the tradition shared custody is.  Thanks for your imput
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4851940 tn?1515694593
Would it may any difference if he wore summer shorts? And of course some of the men's summer pyjamas have short bottoms - would that have made any difference?

I very often sleep with my young grandsons with no clothes on, but as they are getting older I do wear pants.  I don't see it a problem.  

As your husband encountered being abused by his aunty, I am sure he would not contemplate doing anything like that to his daughter who is very precious to him.  They are more likely to be too idle and lazy to put their pyjamas on.

What you can do is to tell your daughter that she must never allow anyone to touch her in her private area, no matter who they are.  Of course, that doesn't apply to helping her to clean her bottom when she has been to empty her bowels.  Some children are fine with this, but even some older ones, still need help with a wet tissue.

Do remember that because as a family unit you are all separated, and your ex and his child want to spend as much time together as possible.  Young children like to sleep with the parents.  And your daughter is more than likely very much missing the fact that her mummy and daddy and no longer living together.  Remind your daughter that it is NOT her fault that you both split up and that you and her daddy love her very much.

Young children, not matter how od (even as young as 2 years old) are very sad and emotionally upset when the parents split up.

If you have a problem with your ex sleeping with your daughter without any pyjamas on, just tell him when you are calm.  Something on the lines of "I would prefer if you got **** used to sleeping in her own bed."  or you could even suggest "**** tells me you both sleep together with your pants and T-shirt on.  I would be happy if you both got dressed appropriately for bed."
You could go on to say that you have a problem then that your daughter doesn't want to sleep with her nightwear on at home or that children need a good routine for emotional stability.

It is very true what the psychologist said to you, that children will "experiment" and touch themselves exploring their feelings and sensations of touching themselves.  This does not mean that they have been exposed to anything to make them do this.

I am sure that if your daughter was hurt or touched inappropriately in any way by her father she would not be happy to go to be with him.



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Avatar universal
Not a problem sleeping together, but sleeping in their t-shirts and underwear only. Just sounds like a no no.  Like he should go put some pajama bottoms on or something.
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Avatar universal
Thank you.  That's the same thing I was thinking.  I don't think he is doing anything to he but why is he sleeping with his t-shirt and underwear on too?  It is inappropriate to me. I don't think my girl is lying because she said it so matter of fact-ly.  As far as the new bed, I thought it was so strange that he quickly go out and by one after all these years just as I informed him that I was gonna take her to the doctor.  Also, when I took her to the doctor I did not mention that they slept together because I saw nothing wrong with it.  Had I known what their sleep attire was/is, I would have said something.  Asked him too several times in the past how come she still sleeps with him, he just says that's my heart.
BTY,  as a child I was molested by not one but two family members. My child has never spent the night over any ones house when shes with me and I always keep a close eye on her.  When she is with dad, lots of company, sleepovers etc.. but you have to keep your eyes open.
So, when I caught my child doing freaky stuff with objects a couple of years ago, I was livid.  That's when she told me that her little female cousin was showing her things (dad side). That made me wonder if someone was doing something to the cousin, in which I would of thought that the Psychologist would have wanted to talk to her/parents too but her dad/and my ex, says that type of stuff don't happen in their family.  He takes great pride in his family, friends etc, but they would never do something like that and he totally disregarded the subject.  I only had asked him to sit down and talk to his bro and sis in law and ask them have they notice their daughter displaying acts out of the ordinary.  He kept telling me they said no. Found out he never talked to them, why, because that don't happen.... Guess my ex must have forgot that he told me that he had been molested as a child by an Aunt when he  himself was very young.  I did not have a problem reminding him of that, only for him to turn around and say that I did not have to throw it up in his face!  He would probably die if his family new about the aunt but I'm not gonna disclose that to them. So that too just makes me wonder, when this paticular incident came up years ago, why was he so quick to sweep it under the rug.  If you were molested as a child and your child was doing things wouldn't you want to know why the child is doing it?  Its like he don't care, only thing I could think of is that by asking his bro/sis in law would insult them and he did not want to do that.  People just don't know that most molesters are the family and friends.........IAnyway, I will be calling the Psychologist who saw her in the past...
Helpful - 0
13821227 tn?1431705464
Uhh.. that does sound kind of sketchy honestly. I think that you should take your daughter back to the doctor. Her sleeping with her dad isn't really the issue it's more so what exactly their sleeping attire is. A t-shirt and undies isn't that bad but if that's just a fib.... The last part about him buying a bed just in case he was asked about it sounds strange. Take her to the doctor just to find out if anything is going on.
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4851940 tn?1515694593
I do not see a problem with a young child sleeping with their parent.

I would be more worried if they were both sleeping naked.

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