son 's relationship with biological father

[whenua]

Last week my 11 year old son met his biological father for the first time. His bio father only found out he had a son when i sent him a letter 2 months ago. My son has known about his bio father since he was about 6. His biological father and I had worked together at one point and while friends, had a one night stand. The circumstances as to why he wasnt told at the time are a little complex to go into. However his response has been positive. He has no other children and is about 50. I made it clear that I was not looking for anything financial, really wanting to right a wrong, and have them know each other. While he has been really positive his partner is finding it very difficult to deal with. They have only been together a year and she has a 15 year old son. While she hasnt met me, she feels very threatened by the fact that my sons father and I had a good friendship in the past. After a really positive and relaxed meeting with him and my son last week, he talked of wanting to have a relationship with my son. He gave my son his email, was all hugs etc. Since then I have not heard from him. My son dropped him an email to which he hasnt responded. I feel confused . On the one hand I had hoped to be supporting a neat relationship and now I feel I need to be cautious and protect my son from getting hurt. I dont want to push his bio father into a relationship with his son, but also dont want my son gettng his hopes up only to be let down. I realise his partner is possibly very upset the meeting went ahead. What do I do, I am trying to be sensitive to her needs, and the adjustment and change this makes to there relationship, but I also have my sons feelings to consider in all this. How do you think I should proceed. They live in a city about 5 hours drive away.

[luvmyravens]

I was in the same situation as you, the only difference is, when i was pregnant he knew, anyway, My son met his dad at 9, his dad was thrilled, promised to write, call, everything, Im in Maryland, his dad is in Florida, since i drove to Fl for my son to see him, he hasn't called, he hasn't contacted my son not one time, It's really sad, b/c he is only hurting your son, im sorry to say. Its a tough situation I know trust me, but the only thing you can do is try to explain to your son that you did what you could, and its up to his dad from here, but ask your son to give him time to adjust, and that you are there for him regardless, and although I do agree w/teko, I feel this woman is putting alot of bs in his head since you guys are so mature about this whole ordeal. He could of been happy and she is saying, "Oh come on, how do you know this is your child?, she just wants your money", so on an so fourth, I think she is #1 problem, now that is no excuse trust me!, if he was such a man, he would tell her what he should, back off, let me deal w/this on my own etc, He could be scared, but at 50? I dunno. So anyway, you can't control if he takes part in his life or not, and its his lost im sure, just asure your son that you are there, and always will be. If you can think of anything better, let me know, b/c im in the same exact boat as you.

[whenua]

Thank you both for your thoughtful responses. Teko you confirmed what I was thinking. Sometimes it just helps to have someone not involved give there slant. Luvmyravens, how long ago did your son meet his father? We are having dna's done at his partners request so that will rule out that one for her. When we met my sons dad explained to him that it had all taken a while through no fault on my sons but because of adult stuff. He said to my son that he needed to work through some things with his partner over this. I guess I do just need to hang 5 and see what happens. Just hoping it isnt all talk. Did you contact his dad futher to see what was happening?

[SeriousSam]

Encourage the relationship with the son and the dad.  Stay friendly with dad but try to be friendlier if possible with the new wife.  Of course she feels threatened by you though!  Here she thought her husband had no baggage and all of a sudden he has a son and a woman that she definitely had sex with!  

Kinda sounds like the start of soap opera doesn't it?  Anyway I really think you are doing the right thing so hang in their.  As you said you are trying to right a wrong which is never is when it is regarding something this important.

Be Blessed