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spanking
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spanking

I was wondering something  we all have something in common children, some states have dcf,cps,or dhr,right? Well my question revolves around them How many Of you spank your kids and do you think Its wrong Al state.says spanking is not appropriate and premotes violence amongst youngsters but I was brought with the idea thats what God made a butt for. do you agree or disagree
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535822_tn?1417529476
I totally disagree, many experts say that hitting a child ,is teaching the child it is okay to hit others, children copy ,it is abuse in my opinion ,It is also a way of asserting control through anger . It is best to use the time out method that has been proved to work ... many adults who were hit as children go on the hit/abuse their own child/children ..
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Avatar_f_tn
No, spanking is not abuse unless you do it in an improper way...I know what ur saying about God intended on us to spank cause it says in the bible to spare the rod ...but yeah ppl make it sound like it's abuse but if you love your child you are going to do what you can to correct them and the time out does not work for my kids and some times it's a waist of time cause my kids try to make it a game in time out....I was raised by being spanked and it was proper and the way God intended it to be and my brother and I turned out fine we never done drugs we never hit another child and knew not to hit each other or our parents and we also never got into trouble like the other kids we knew ....It's all in how you use that spanking method some can take it over board and it can be harmful to the child.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Well, I don't know what God intended as one interprets the bible in their own way and never has our pastor told us the bible says to spank our children.  Fine as a parent if you choose to do so but lets not drag God into it.  

Everyone has their right to parent as they choose.  My personal belief is that spanking doesn't help.  Maybe I'm fortunate that I am the authority in my home without spanking.  I have two wild and crazy boys and one with a developmental delay.  And I've never spanked.  I'ved used other strategies that help me maintain the behavior of my children.  I also don't have to yell at them.  Somehow my kids understand that I am the parent without that.  When I was growing up we had the "pancake turner".  My mom would give us a swat with it.  Ya know what she said-------  she said she hardly ever actually swatted us because we got the lesson from the threat.  The way we apologized and genuinely felt bad for our actions were the lesson we needed to learn.  So she said we didn't even need to be spanked that she found she could teach us the same lessons without doing so.  I took that to heart with my own kids and it has worked well.

The problem with many parents is that spanking is not dolled out as a controlled punishment but in anger.  And then how do you say to your children "don't hit, so I am going to hit you to teach that".  I never got that.  We worked really hard with my child with the developmental delay as behavior was an issue.  He's  had an almost perfect year in school this year . . .  and he's never had one spanking.

So it is every parents decision and no right or wrong, I guess.  I'm just not a fan of spanking and found I can parent my children without it.  And pretty successfully, I might add.  good luck to all of you.
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973741_tn?1342346373
ps--------  the original poster also has questions about how her children are violent torwards one another and misbehave regularly.  I wouldn't mention that if it didn't pertain to this question.
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Avatar_m_tn
  I grew up in the 50"s and my Dad "did not spare the rod'. ( Heck, our teachers didn't either.)  Didn't bother me too much.  The punishment was quickly over, Dad would come in and apologize.  It never had much of an impact on me.  He finally began to wise up and instead of spanking us, he would put us to work.  Spend a weekend pulling weeds from the lawn definitely changed my behavior.  
  I spanked my daughter once when she was about two because she ran into the street.  Personally, I think that is the only reason a child should be spanked.  The child is young and in immediate danger and needs a quick lesson when frankly talking won't work.  I have never had to spank either of my kids since than.
  In short, I think spanking is an easy way out.  It doesn't work as well as other methods.  It teaches the child that violence is ok.  And because it may be done while the parent is angry, it can put the child at serious risk of danger.
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Avatar_f_tn
I have the sweetest most well behaved grandson who has never been spanked.  The parents don't believe in it, and I respect that.  My children were spanked, during the 3-5 age, then it was no longer needed.  My children were well behaved, never got in trouble, were excellent students and grew up to be upstanding, caring, responsible adults.  I do think when spanking was common we didn't have all the kids picking up guns and killing others, sex before their teen years, or all the pregnant girls in high school. I was spanked, didn't hurt me a bit, and turned out just fine. Nobody I know from my era grew up to be violent, so I truly feel spanking does not make one violent. We grew up pretending to shoot and kill the other, but none of us ever thought of doing it for real. I feel to each their own, and if you can do it without spanking, then that's wonderful.  There are no perfect parents, we do the best we can and hope for the best.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I think spanking is wrong because it is usually done in anger and could cause serious injury to a small child.  My father was abusive so I don't spank.  It also alienates a parent from a child.  I heard a joke on TV.  Spare the rod AND spoil the child.  
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1237579_tn?1268034175
this is "my" question to get help and to get advice, If GOD wasn't drug into it  we would not have children to talk about or should we ask a monkey how to raise our children instead and how to deal with personal problems, not intended as a heated debate, but without GOD your mamma or daddy wouldn"t have known how to raise A child.lol
What do u think spare the rod spoil the child means it simply means to correct or bible terms chastize look that up... I can add God If I want, yes my children have problems  but thats not urs to explain.
  
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1237579_tn?1268034175
well why don't u tell eveyone how perfect yor kids are specialmom and forget I asked this question with your cast iron fist why u so mad at GOD leave my question for poeple with a heart to correct in th right manner.
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Avatar_m_tn
    Jesus of Nazareth in the Biblical book of Matthew:  said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." (s:Bible (King James)/Matthew#7:12, s:Bible (King James)/Matthew#22:39
    If you are doing something wrong, how would you like others to discipline you?
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hey, I was just answering the question.  My  kids are not perfect.  I'm just not a fan of spanking.  But I said several times in my post that this was my opinion and there is no right or wrong.  several times.  Sorry you took such offense.  Good luck.
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Avatar_f_tn
I question this too. Meaning I wonder if it is right or wrong. I don't personally spank my son because I mentioned in another post about his anger and stuff he does but I have felt as if I should because of what other people have told me and told me I should. My husband thinks he knows EVERYTHING! He doesn't!!! He says it is not against the law to do so! Well it is I think well according to cps it is.!  And if it is not then they will still take the child away claiming a small spanking is abusive.  I can remember that at one time it was not against anyones rules and that even schools did it back in the 80's.  Then it became that it is okay as long as it was on the butt and with clothes on (that was back in the late 90's) now they consider it wrong.  They think there are other ways around it...like talking sweetly to the child and giving in on everything and letting them do what they want or buying them things to get them to behave.  

Okay the reason I had cps called on me is  I got them called on me once and not because of that...long story but it was a false accusations bec a family member called (one of my parents bc they were in the middle of a divorce and told me they would call on me just to get back at the other!!!!) I am still angry about that.  They made it sound like bc I bought a lottery ticket once in awhile or took medicine for my anxiety at the time that it was a horrible thing and I had a problem!!! I was a good mom and a caring mother and I have done nothing but love my son and be sweet to him all these years. I am not a mean person.
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Avatar_f_tn
Like I mentioned I am not a fan of spanking, but here in California the law is if you spank it has to be open handed and done on top of clothing.  It's against the law to spank in any other way. My husband and I took a parenting class and that's what they told us.  

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1237579_tn?1268034175
sorry for being so rude I didn't mean to affend  anyone we are all here to help eachother right so please except my appoligy
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Avatar_f_tn
Whew!  What a heated debate!  We need to support one another and I'm glad you are here asking for support in raising your children.  Just you asking these questiions shows you want to be the best mom possible.  

Oh, I forgot to mention about the spanking here in CA it can't leave a mark or CPS can take the children away.

I didn't think you were being rude but some of the other posts sure sounded that way.  

I've found with my own little 4 year old boy that he is sensitive to sugars and red dye.  Since we discovered that and monitor it, he rarely ever needs time outs anymore.  Sugar even the kind found in juice can cause violent behavior in children and even adults.  

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973741_tn?1342346373
I do agree that medhelp is a great place to come and share ideas and get help when we need it. Parenting is hard work and as someone said---------  there are no perfect kids and no perfect parents.  We all do the best we can.  And we can all support each other through it.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I have found in my son spanking only exacerbates the situation.  My parents spanked me growing up.  I guess I was a fearful child.  I think it's definitely a case by case thing, it's not 100 percent for all kids, it's kinda like some things work for some and not for others.  Some children you barely have to riase your voice and others you can threaten and they don't even care.
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