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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
stablility and visitation and the child's Temperament and personality 2nd post
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
stablility and visitation and the child's Temperament and personality 2nd post
by iratman, Oct 29, 2004 12:00AM
Hello back again,
My daughter and her mom moved out Sept. 2nd 04 weekend. Prior to that everyday that I came home usually between 4:30 and 5 pm I would spend an hour or two playing and doing things with my daughter before dinner. We would do just about anything she wanted from jumping on the trampoline to throwing and collecting rocks. We were real close.
I'm what I call a participating father, in the daily lives of my kids no matter what it is. when they were babies I woke up for the feedings and diapers. I maybe have missed 4 total medical and dental appointments combined between both my kids when the other parent was already taking them. when we go to kid's birthday parties IM playing with the kids out side a great portion of the time while the adults are doing the adult thing that we do. I do allot of work from my home and I never do it when they are with me and I never plan any event that my kids can not participate in on my visitation days.
I want to keep and build the relationship between my son and daughter. I want the impact of this divorce to be minimized on both of them. I want what is best for them in their relationship. I have to focus on the mediation that I will be going through. I want to know if the 50% custody would be bad for her, not that I will get it. I want to know when would it be ok for the 50%. How old. I hear that routine is really good for kids. I hear that as long as there is a routine and the child feels loved and the other parent is not condemned in front of the child and when there are face to face contacts of the parents, that we behave respectfully is what they need. Is what I have done with my son suitable for my daughter considering her age temperament and personality? should I fight for the 50%.What about their relationship? Is so infrequency good?
Thank you
iratman
My daughter and her mom moved out Sept. 2nd 04 weekend. Prior to that everyday that I came home usually between 4:30 and 5 pm I would spend an hour or two playing and doing things with my daughter before dinner. We would do just about anything she wanted from jumping on the trampoline to throwing and collecting rocks. We were real close.
I'm what I call a participating father, in the daily lives of my kids no matter what it is. when they were babies I woke up for the feedings and diapers. I maybe have missed 4 total medical and dental appointments combined between both my kids when the other parent was already taking them. when we go to kid's birthday parties IM playing with the kids out side a great portion of the time while the adults are doing the adult thing that we do. I do allot of work from my home and I never do it when they are with me and I never plan any event that my kids can not participate in on my visitation days.
I want to keep and build the relationship between my son and daughter. I want the impact of this divorce to be minimized on both of them. I want what is best for them in their relationship. I have to focus on the mediation that I will be going through. I want to know if the 50% custody would be bad for her, not that I will get it. I want to know when would it be ok for the 50%. How old. I hear that routine is really good for kids. I hear that as long as there is a routine and the child feels loved and the other parent is not condemned in front of the child and when there are face to face contacts of the parents, that we behave respectfully is what they need. Is what I have done with my son suitable for my daughter considering her age temperament and personality? should I fight for the 50%.What about their relationship? Is so infrequency good?
Thank you
iratman
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Oct 30, 2004 12:00AM
, Oct 30, 2004 12:00AM
To address the latter issue first, I would not endorse the 50/50 plan for a child so young. Rarely is such a plan a good idea. A fairly reliable rule of thumb is that the child should go to sleep and wake up in the same household every 'school' night. Plans which call for evenly shared physical custody, whatever form it takes, call for too many transitions for young (1.e., prior to the age of twelve or so) children. The other aspects of post-divorce arrangements you mention do make sense - i.e., parents behaving respectfully, cooperating around the needs of the child. Re: your daughter's reaction, she clearly wants you undivided attention, and this in itself is fine. However, be careful about the extent to which you accomodate her wish. It is not reasonable for you to have to hold her for two hours. If you gratify this request you will be reinforcing her demands, and this isn't good. She needs to learn to experience reasonable, not undivided, attention, just as she would have to experience if the family were together.
Member Comments (2)
by sm8, Nov 29, 2004 12:00AM
maybe you could request weekend visitation or you could be the one to have her during the week and mom on weekends
