step children causing troubled relationship

[hoo_draggin]

i have been with this woman for 12 yrs she has 3 boys 11 15 17  i have one girl 18 a yr ago the oldest boy moves in with father ( says that im mean to him ) 3 mos ago the middle boy moves in with his father( says im mean ) ive taken care of them as if they were mine for twelve yrs ( never laid a hand on them) ive cursed at them before but when my wife said something to me about  a yr ago ive made a conscience effort not to my wife is missing them  tremendously  they tell her that i curse at them  (i havent) they tell her that they're not happy  she wants to do whats right for her kids to get them back with her (move out) my heart breaks when she tells me she wants to move out the  boys keep telling her i curse at them when im not (i hardly even see them and when i do im certainly not going to curse)to get her mad at me   ive told her that i havent    but she wants to believe her children(thats what mothers do)please give me some advice on what to do     i love her and them with all my heart

[Sandman2]

   On the other hand you could be the unwilling part of the old "play one parent off against the other" game.  Also brothers like to be together.  Who knows - the old dad may spoil the heck out of them.
   but anyway you look at it, this will be a tough one to win.  Margypops may have the best advice.  Second choice would be for both you and her to go for counseling (actually, now that I think about it, that might be a very workable idea).  About the only other choice is to call their bluff (so to speak) and move out.  Will they move back in?  Its really tough on you, but it will at least give a hint as to what is going on.
   I do have a problem with "it is all your fault" when you have been with them for literally all their lives.   Good Luck!

[margypops]

Speak to her /them tell them what you have said here, make it from the heart, tell them you will change ,no more cursing of anyone!! You can correct this if you really want to change ,children dont deserve to be abused verbally or physically , if yiou cant do it by your slef go and get counselling .then ask them back, You can do it...