I dont think standing outside a bathroom door for anyone to come out is a good idea , it may be making the situation worse and she may be anxious , what does her father think about it?
she is 9. She has been asked to wipe and refuses, says no, I dont want to or completely ignores me. I use to wait outside the door, wait for her and when she walked out ask and she would lie. It's been more than 2 years and I know this is not a problem just during visits. they are soiled! One time she said she didnt want to walk to the bathroom across the living room so just went as if its not a big deal. I'm at the end of my rope.
If her underwear get extremely soiled, is it just a matter of not wiping, or do you think she has encopresis? Please google it, and see if the description fits. When a kid is suffering from it, he or she doesn't even feel the poop slip out. She might be wiping when she poops but having some slippage in between. That would explain extremely soiled underwear -- clumsy wiping might produce some slight soiling, but if they are extremely soiled it sounds more like encopresis.
How old is she , this is a common with children they don't wipe well, I am thinking that maybe some wet wipes in the bathroom may help ,no I doubt not wiping mean she is regressing, its kids . Be patient it could be school/teacher doesn't remind them to go in time that also happens a lot .