still wetting pants after one year out of diapers

[lauriem]

My daughter (age 3 years 9 months) has been out of diapers for one year.  She is still having one to two accidents a day - always urination accidents (she's had a BM in her pants only once).  95% of the time her pants are damp but not wet enough to actually wet through to her outer clothing (i.e pants or shorts).  We remind her to sit on the potty about every hour and a half but she still has accidents sometimes less than a half an hour after going on the potty.  When we ask her what the problem is or why she didn't get to the potty in time, all she will say is "I don't know."  We have tried ignoring it, rewarding her for dry pants (sticker charts, etc.), punishing her through loss of privileges, reminding her that she cannot attend preschool in the fall (which she desperately wants to do) if not potty trained...pretty much everything I can think of.  I have worked as a nanny and preschool teacher and have successfully potty-trained many children - just not my own child!  She is an extremely bright child.  We do have a 13-month-old son who has had several medical issues that have caused him to be somewhat of a "high maintenance" little brother, but I have a strong feeling that she is not doing this on purpose.  She still wears a diaper at night.  (The one time we allowed her to go w/o one, she woke up literally dripping wet having never once roused during the night.)  Could there be a medical/urological problem?  If not, what is the best way to handle this situation?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

There is not necessarily a medical problem. That is, she might simply be one of those children who are at the late end of the spectrum in completing toilet training. And you are absolutely correct in thinking she is not doing this on purpose. There is no 'reason', so to speak, so of course she can't offer you one. It's best not to ask this question. It causes the child to think that something is wrong with them. A pediatric urologist could be consulted but, to be frank with you, I think it's early for that. There are many children who do not complete toilet training by her age. Yet, if you take a look at almost all kindergarten children, they have accomplished it by then. Consult with her pediatrician, of course, but I don't see the need for a urological consult yet.

[reallytiredmom]

I have had the same exact problem with my daughter for the past year as well - since the birth of her younger brother who is also just over a year old.  I attributed it to regression from his birth at first.  Then I assumed she did it to lash out at me, but I've now come to the realization that I think she doesn't do it on purpose.  I finally last week took her to the doctor who gave a couple possible explainations:

1,  Her bladder may be small - causing more frequent urination than other kids (she pees about 10-12x a day)
2,  Her accidents are more frequent when she hasn't had a bowel movement, which causes pressure against her bladder.
3,  She is at an age where she gets preoccupied with stuff and forgets to go - which is normal.

I've stopped making a big deal out of it, when she has an accident I state "you know what to do" and she takes her underwear off and changes them.  I'm hoping she too will just grow out of it.  Rewards, punishment and such have not helped at all.  For now I just remind her at least every hour to go, and insist if she says she doesn't have to (I take away the activity she is engaged in until she goes).

[jessdigger]

A related discussion, wetting pants after potty training was started.