tantrum throwing 3yr old. what should i do?!?! help!!!

My boyfriend who I live with has a 3 year old son. He's with his mom 4 nights a week and with us 3 nights a week. At his moms he sleeps in bed with her, and he sleeps in bed with us too. We all lay down in bed together at 9:30 and he falls asleep watching a movie.  He  wakes up around 4am and gets back in bed with us.I  go downstairs and sleep on the couch.I have told my boyfriend that this cant happen anymore and that he needs to learn to sleep in his own bed. So we made him lay in his bed to watch his movie and fall asleep. About 2 hours later he woke up and came downstairs.We told him he had to go back to his bed & sleep. He screams hysterically, cries, & just basically throws a tantrum. So we take him upstairs & put him in his bed.He wants his movie back on & we tell him no its too late you need to sleep.He screams & cries so my boyfriend gives in & puts the movie on. He wakes up again at 2am.He tries to get in our bed & we tell him no he has to sleep in his big boy bed. He screams & cries & wakes up everyone in the house. So my boyfriend tells him he will lay in his big boy bed with him until he falls asleep. Then he wants his movie back on.My boyfriend says no but when he starts screaming again he ends up putting it back on. At this point im really annoyed. I have to wake up ear;y & i need my sleep!! I lay there forever trying to sleep which is hard with spongebob on at 2am. Finally i fall asleep.I wake up at 4am & his son is walking around messing with the dvd player trying to start his movie again. This happens everytime he stays the night with us if we wont let him sleep in our bed. My boyfriend always ends up giving in to what he wants so he will stop screaming. I personally feel we should let him cry so he realizes he cant get whatever just by screaming.He does this tantrum method with  everything he wants. I know my bf feels bad for him but I don’t think that’s a good reason to raise him like this.! What should I do??

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Unfortunatekly, you may have to get used to interrupted sleep. As long as this little boy is encouraged to continue this pattern of falling asleep, nothing will change. He should be going to bed in his own bed, without any movie, and be exected to remain in his bed. Sure, he'll cry and object, but parents have to be firm about this. In addition, the 4/3 split between homes is a a very bad idea. It prevents a stable, consistent environment for him; it involves too many transiitons. Children should go to bed and wake up in the same bed throughout the traditional school week. Too many shared custody arrangements involve a 50/50 or nearly-50/50 split. These are not good for children, and often are agreed upon as a way of reaching a compromise between warring parents.

[makyiah9287]

Thank you! I agree completely just not sure how my boyfriend would feel about not having him atleast 3 days a week. would it be better if he just spent the evenings with us to hang out and then goes back to moms for bedtime?

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

No. That, too, would entail too many transitions for such a young child.