throwing toys

my step son is a year and 6 months and he seriously throws toys at my kids. my 3 month old he trys to sit on and my daughter that is 4 he chucks them at her head. i dont no what to do for displine i have told him no and to be nice. ive put him in the high chair and put him in the corner. ive put him in the play pin and then took him out after 2-5mins. im going to lose it i can not control this at all. when it was my kids i had no problem for telling my daughter no and taping her hand or something. but my step son. bites throws things, today he broke one of my windows. i dont no what to do im going to lose my mind. please help try to solve this problem. his mom lets him do as he pleases and i as a mother likes to have rules and i want my kids to no right from wrong.. i have my son 4 to 5 days a week and then every other weekend. and advice please.
ksanden

[RockRose]

Ksanden,  your description of him really sounds like he is extraordinarily hard to control - it's hard to believe that although his mother is completely permissive,  she has caused this behavior.

Have you had him evaluated by an OT or behavioral therapist?  I think you need to start with keeping a journal,  so you can paint a really clear picture of what's going on - how much of the day he spends misbehaving.    If he hasn't responded at all to the things you've done,  there's a problem and I think you could use some professional help.

Best wishes.

[ksanden]

i have had a doc. look at him because i thought he may be slight atisic sp? he never listens to me and always doing something today id tell him no and then hed do it even more like it was a game, i was not laughing at this. i dont no i talked to him mother abuot it and i told her it would be nice if we could work this out or else she will have to find daycare for him because its getting ot hard for me with 2 other children. i dont no what to do though. she said shed work on it but she also said that she loves to give him what he wants because its easier and she doesnt have to hear him scream..i dont want to be the mean one but this is hurting my other children. yes he is my stepson and i feel bad that i dont even really want him around right now. is that bad? im just stress with all of these kids.
ksanden

[RockRose]

I think the cause and affect here might be reversed.    Instead ofher permissiveness causing his bratty behavior,  it might well be that his bratty behavior has caused her permissiveness.    Sometimes mothers who don't have a lot of experience,  or a lot of energy,  just give up and stop trying.  It's too hard,  it's like sandpaper every single day to be locked in battle with a child,  so they give up and let the child have his/her way.  Your descriptions of how bad it is sound like that to me - and I've seen it a couple times before where the baby arrives in the world with a very difficult personality,  and the mother - who may have other normal children who behave well - just gives up with that one.  

Your timeline is kind of curious - you have a baby and a toddler stepson,  that's an unusual timeline for a family.  Do you know what your husband was like as a child?  Was he an easy baby or was he a real challenge to care for?

Best wishes.

[ksanden]

my step son was a one night stand baby, he didnt no if it was his or not she was 3 months pregnant when me and my bf got together. my bf was an easy baby from what his mom says.
our son we have together is colicly and gassy and very hard baby. my step son was the same way when he was a baby..
ksanden

[RockRose]

Hmmm.  When you first wrote your post,  there were lots of helpful links to behavior techniques that popped up on the left of the screen,  now those ads are gone and exubra has taken their place.  

I really wish you the best with this situation.    I think you would be justified being scared for the actual safety of your own children,  and his presence is causing a negative atmosphere in the home.  On the other hand,  it's great that you are trying to hard to help and are so welcoming of this boy.  

Prayers this turns around,  it just sounds so hard.  Does he behave better for your husband than he behaves for women who are taking care of him?

[ksanden]

he is better with me i think. i have him alot more than my bf so i dont no he crys alot with bf.
thanks for you advice.
ksanden