two year old grandaughter wont eat

[kerry63]

Since weaning my grandaughter has had problems eating. The past few weeks have been difficult and she is living with her father, while residencey is being sorted through court. Her eating habits are sporadic to say the least, Im worried sick that the old reliable things we could once get her to eat she is not really interested in. The upheaval over residency isnt helping as there is no consistancy day to day. She is with mum on alternative days. Mum was always able to get her to eat with lots of patience eventually, and also myself and my husband. She hasnt been well this week with a tummy bug. I have been weighing her every 8 days for the past 24. When she was allowed access to her mum her weight increased by a pound in a week, since being ill she has lost 3 pounds.  She  is only two and I fear for her long term health.

[suziet]

I understand you are worried for your grandaughter who does not eat at her father's house.  I also understand that you love your grandaughter and you daughter.  Are you   feeling helpless?   I am so sorry.  Grandmas do worry and do not have all the information they need because they are only hearing on side of the story.  Yes we worry about our grandchildren.  I know I do.  The other thing I think is my problem my grandchildren's mother just doesn't understand these our really our children, we are gracious and let them take them home with them.  Grandkids are more fun and bring us joy the parenting never did.  I am sorry you had your feelings hurt, please don't stop writing in this discussion.  You are important.  Your insights and problems help others.  I agree with your concerns that your granddaughter does not eat at her fathers because she doesn't want to be there.  On the other hand the problem is the Judge is not concerned either.  When she is with you or her mom give her every opportunity to eat anything she will eat.  She will not starve.  Weighing your  children is a good thing.  If my grandaughter, at age 8, had been weighed with any consistency her parents would have been concerned about her weight gain and maybe found her 11 pound ovarian cancer long before their doctors did.  She looked thinner but when they weighted her she appeared to have gained weight. Today she is a Pediatric Oncologist.  What we don't have is view in the future. I think you should just put your grandaughter on your lap and put your arms arround her and hold her as long as she will let you.  It will make you feel much better. and she will know how much she is loved. When my grandson was a baby (18 mth) his mom's boyfriend bashed his head in.  Thank God he lived.  I just put him on my lap and rocked him until he wanted down.  Then he would come back to sit on my lap and rock some more.  That's all I could do.  A grandparent has insight no one else has.  Try not to worry just hold on to her all you can.  She will be alright in the future and you will be too.  It will take a long time for both of you.  With grandchildren I pray for their welfare but that is about all I can do.  God Bless you Grandma for taking such good care of your grandchildren.  Try to get out of the panic mode you will have to work at that I know, but  you can do it.  I did. I would like to hear from you again.

[SkepticalMario]

I don't know what the custody situation is like, but if his doctor's recommendation is for you and the mother to "carry on", just do that. He is probably scared because you are so worried about him, and that can't be helping either. Just give him lots of opportunities to eat and drink, even if he doesn't want to, and let him know it'll be all right.

[91004]

It is not abusive to weigh a child. I weigh my boys atleast once or twice a month and I way myself once a week, if they see me they do the same thing. That is crazy for anyone to say it is. She is a grandmother and she is concerned. She is also probly just venting, people are aloud to do that on here and many do. Trust me they aren't going to take the child over arguements. I know for a fact on that one. Yes the fighting does put stress on all even the child. It is always best to not talk about the other parent or family around the child. I just asked about the situation to see if that was maybe the cause of her not eating and maybe that is when it started. Doctors are never really concerned unless it is life threatening other than that they don't care. My son was antibiotics  on and off for over 2 yrs and the doc kept saying oh its daycare or its the season or weather or just a cold. He actually has allergies and acid reflux, I had to finally take him to a specialist to get answers since meds I he has only been on antibiotic 1x in the past yr.
So doctors don't always have answers or help.

Other than just loving the child when she is around you and the mom and trying ensure or I guess its pediassure or maybe soup. If she loses weight to the point of needing fluids then there is not much you can do except vitamins maybe. If she gets dehydrated and the dad has to take her to doc and put a tube in and force fluids then maybe they will help you. If she really is truely eating nothing and drinking nothing then it won't be long till she dehydrates. Not being harsh but maybe that is the only way to get her help. I am really sorry some on here are being rude. My ex and his whole fam is horrible to me and I have been to courts to try and stop the rudeness and harassment and the courts will do nothing. I know what it is like to be concerned for your child when in the fathers care and the judges not believing you. So I know how you feel somewhat. Also keep in mind you are the mother so what you see in your daughter is always going to be good. You will take up for her no matter what. So just make sure all is good with her. I am not accusing her of anything I don't know the situation I am just saying like my ex he is a drug addict and has been charged several times, his grandfather is an alcoholic and the grandmother got up in court and said they were fit and good but she tells me she is afraid to let the grandfather take him cuz he will drink and my son sleeps with her cuz dad won't get up w my child.

[skepticalpeach]

It sounds like you are trying to get us to take your side in this custody battle. We don't know everything that is going on, and frankly we don't even know if the mommy feels the same way you do. You are just the grandma. And even grandparents with the greatest intentions misconstrue things. I would take a step back and let the mom and dad figure things out on their own. You're trying to blame everything on daddy and that's not fair. If you're looking for vindication you won't find any here. Things will get better once you stop fighting and only then. If it doesn't stop a complete stranger will end up raising her.

I understand more than you think I do. My daughter has barely been on the weight scale and still is very petite. The only way I got her to gain weight was to have her drink Pediasure. I have NEVER weighed her myself because the Ped told me not to worry about it. You are being abusive and I would never let my child's grandma be around my daughter if she acted like that.

[kerry63]

She has been weighed 3 times amongst a group of family members including other children they all think it a wheeze  ,each taking their turn. She is not singled out in anyway . This is not child abuse ,and I would be very careful about  bandying the term about so lightly. She is not forced, and no she doesnt eat burgers and fries, that has been tried also. We live 2 seconds away from McDonalds. She has been to the doctors, her mum was told to carry on with what she was doing as some inroads were being made. Things have been set back to square one. With the unending patience of her mum and myself we will start again. I came on this site for help. I wont be explaining myself to you or anyone else again.

[teddybears4ever2]

I think it's sweet that you care about your Granddaughter, but it seems to me that you have let your fear of her not eating overshadow the real problem.  Her parents are breaking up and fighting over her. She's probably scared.  I can tell you with absolute certainty that she knows exactly what is going on.
If you spend that much time weighing her that isn't helping either.  You being crazy, and you should really stop.  Have you talked to an actual doctor about this?
I'm going to tell you a story.  When I was a kid I didn't eat a lot, I would look at food for about 5 minutes and say I was done.  Before bed I would have oatmeal or cream of wheat and a banana.  That was my only meal of the day.  I'm now almost 25 years old and I'm fine.  I do have a health problem, which is endometriosis.  As far as I know that has nothing to do with the fact I didn't eat as a kid.  
I think you are looking for problems instead of being there for your granddaughter.  Throw away the scale if you have to but you need to stop weighing her.You only adding to the problem instead of solving it.  All kids like cheeseburgers and fries.  Could you get her some?  Offer the child food if they don't want it don't force them to eat.  
You are very lucky that no one has called child services because you are abusing her.  I know this isn't what you want to hear, but if you are concerned take her to the doctor.  Unless you practice medicine you really have no place to act the way you are acting.

[kerry63]

No she weighs 1 stone 10 pounds. We have already been to court for temp residency, the judge just went with the flow and granted it to her father because he already had her.Its back   to court again monday to appeal against the  judgement. Hopefully she goes home with mum and gains some stabillity in her young life.  

[91004]

Are you saying she weighs 8 pounds right now. How old is she?

I am not sure how the legal system works there. I know here you have to go to court and one either gets full custody and the other noncustodial. Meaning if it isn't there visitation you can have the cops get the child for you.

[kerry63]

This eating problem has been going on for a year, due to my daughters partner not being co operative over feeding it has become an issue. If the child had a favorite restaurant I would take her there myself, if she even had just a favorite food right now she would be given it. Yes there are children who starve themselves, just put in " infants who refuse to eat " into your search. I came on here in the hopes some other poor soul had had to overcome this hurdle successfully, so far no joy. We arent talking about a fussy eater , we are talking  a no eater sometimes for days , just having a drink and just a single mouthful (sometimes spat out) of food during a meal.  Diva2317 be glad you really dont know what Im on about, its mind bending to live with. Dont get me wrong she can eat normally, but the stress this particular situation ( dad refusing to bring her back )has put her under has put us back to square one.

[skepticalpeach]

Children won't starve themselves, so don't force her to eat or put a lot of pressure on her to eat. It sounds like you might be doing that since you are weighing her so often. When my daughter started eating solid food she wouldn't eat meat. My mother told me not to worry about it, but my mother-in-law freaked out about it. It made me not want to be around her because she was so worried. A month later my daughter started eating meat. Give her some time to adjust to the situation, maybe take her out to her favorite restaurant. In tough situations sometimes you just gotta let the kid eat what they want for a little while. It's better than nothing.

[kerry63]

I cant explain fully why my grandaughter is with her father, just that after picking her up on visitation he refused to bring her back and has accused her mother of some terrible things, she now has to prove she is innocent rather than him prove shes guilty. None of it to do with child abuse or anything like that, just thinking about it all  makes me want to cry. Because they have both got parental rights the police cant do anything. When they had the original hearing her daughters eating problems were mentioned but the judge decided to let her dad keep her, even though he had brought her back to her mum early several times because she wouldnt eat with him.  My other grandaughter is a year younger and weighs not much less than her, shes bonnie, but I feel children need a bit of weight for such occasions as when they are ill and unable to eat, theres a bit of back up. My grandaughter weighed about 2 stone 2 pounds before living with her father, ( shes never been bonnie) when I weighed her after 10 days of being with him and no contact with mum, she weighed 1st 12 pounds. She gained 1 pound after the first 8 days of contact with her mum.and weighed 1st 13 pounds. She now weighs 1 st 10.  Im at my wits end. Im in the UK and its 4.52 in the morning .

[91004]

It is difficult for a child when they are juggled around. A child needs consistancy and you just said she don't get it. I would bet when things get better she will start getting back to normal. What about fluids, is she drinking? If so try soups in a cup. Just give it to her to sip on. Does she just not like the food she is givin or you all aren't sure.Also look in the baby isle cant think of what it is called insure or something. How much does she way. She has lost weight I would say from the virus. Why is she with father and not mother? A decent schedule for her would probly work out better? There have been test that says it can psychologically damage a child to be thrown back and forth at that age. Most courts do weekdays with one parent weekends with other or every other weekend