urinating on the carpet

My grandson has recently been urinating on the carpet and  on his twin brother as well. My daughter has asked him why and he says he doesn't know. He is potty trained and in school. He does have a language issue  an dis a year and a half developmently delayed but has been potty trained and just started this behavior. He doesn't get up at night so this is done with the whole family there.  His father says he is having a hard time growing up???? Have you heard of this behavior before. Thanks for any help you can offer.


This discussion is related to 6yo urinating in inappropriate places.

[anonymous132435]

Hi, I'm not sure if this will help or not, but I'm noticing a trend among these forums: parents whose children are urinating or defacating in inappropriate places and when they ask the children why, the children say "I don't know." Maybe I can offer some insight into why kids are doing this. See, I used to do this as a kid. It's not something I ever talk about with anyone. It's kind of an embarassing thing to bring up, but I"m guessing it's more common than you think. Just not a socially acceptable topic. I'm now in my 20s and completely normal and successful, but I'm blessed (or cursed?) with an unusual memory. I can remember as early in my life as potty training at age 2. So I happen to remember the weird stage I went through somewhere around the age of 3-6. And I remembr that a few other kids I knew did it too. My mother never caught me to my knowledge. I'd always go in places that could be easily cleaned up (like a bathtub, trash can, outdoors, etc.) because deep down I knew it was wrong. But I would pee in weird places, and I would find some weird sort of pleasure in doing it. It wasn't all the time that I did this. In fact, I mostly did it around my cousin (who was the same gender and age as I). I think she was the one who either dared or convinced me to do this. She had some trash cans in her closet and convinced me to go in there with her sometimes. She also told me that she peed under her bed. (Maybe her mother caught her after this, I don't know). And when we were maybe 5 years old, we once snuck outside (there was some snow on the ground but it wasn't super cold) in our winter gear and took off our snowpants so that we could pee in the open-roofed playhouse back there. We brought toilet paper with us and everything. This was the last time I ever peed in a weird place on purpose, that I can remember. I really don't know what the appeal was, exactly, but the best I can explain is that I used the same part of my brain back then when peeing in a weird place that I use now for sexual pleasure. I don't mean that I was sexually satisfied by doing this, necessarily. I just mean that the act was taboo and socially unacceptable in public, yet something that I felt compelled to do, and derrived some pleasure out of sneaking off to do it without anyone knowing. I also masturbated pretty young, but that's another topic. I think that in the end, it had something to do with being stuck between the anal and phallic stage of development (see Freud). During the anal stage, (usually ages 1 1/2 to 3 1/2) children derrive pleasure from expulsing bodily waste. During the phallic stage (3 1/2 until...not sure), they become fixated and almost obsessed with their genitals and the genitals of others. They're learning about the differences between boys and girls and such. So to put it most simply, between the ages of 3 and 6 I was semi stuck between these stages. I still derrived pleasure from bodily waste expulsion, from the control I had over that action, and at the same time, was figuring out just what my genitals could do. Peeing in weird places was perhaps experimental and an expression of these thing. I came to recognize that I had the ability to "hold it" and release it whenever I chose to. And as a demonstration of this ability, I tested it in weird places. It may have been mostly about deriving some pleasure from that control. I also remember, even at a young age, slightly enjoying the "danger" of it. Doing something I knew was "naughty" that I would get in trouble for doing if I found out, but that no one knew about, not even my mom. I could keep it secret, and maybe it was thrilling in that way. This might sound weird, but you can probably think of instances in your life where you did the same thing: something private and naughty behind mom and dad's back. Maybe this was masturbation, kissing the boy or girl down the street (even though you didn't yet understand kissing) or breaking something and hiding it, or stealing something small, or keeping secrets. All "wrong" of course, but a natural part of the exploration of control. As children, we all test our limits and boundaries to some extent. We test our bodies to see how they work, we test out different actions to see what impact they will have on others, and those things we get away with with little or no consequences, we might just keep on doing.

I would say that most kids who are pissing in weird places who "don't know why' are just too embarassed to explain it or don't know fully HOW to explain it. "Because it makes me feel good" they know will sound dirty and mommy and daddy will not be happy with that answer or will think they are weird. What would you have said as a teen if grandma caught you masturbating and demanded to know why? Child urinating might just be an early early form of sexual exploration, a need to know and understand their own control over their body and to exercise that control privately.

I don't remember why I stopped doing it. I think I just outgrew it around age 5 or 6. Like I said, nobody really confronted me about it, but I think that's because my parents never knew. I also don't think I did it for "sexual abuse" reasons. I had a very good upbringing and like I said, a good memory. I would remember something like that. I wouldn't rule it out in your kids, because that is a serious issue, but it wasn't the case for me.

If I had kids who were doing this, I would definitely set some consequences. They're testing their limits to see what they can get away with in the world. Let them know that pissing in inappropriate places is just that-inappropriate. Deep down they already know it's wrong or they wouldn't be sneaking off to do it.