vieolent 4 yr. old daughter

[criss]

My 4 yr.old Daughter is having some behavioral problems.I am so frustated and completely stressed to the point where i can't take it anymore.I can't send her to time out,because she won't stay there.I can't phsyically hold her there all day. I spank her and she dosen't give a care. She is often violent and tries to hit me.We can't even go anywhere anymore because she is so embarrasing to go out with.For example I tell her, to stay with me in the store,don't go off running around,because there are bad people that might take her .But she runs off anyways so i have to grabb her by  her hand.So she drags her feet and she won't walk.Then i have to pick her up while she is screaming at me and trying to hit me.So i drag her to the car and try to put her in her car seat but then she gets worse,i have to hold her down on the seat(she is very strong) ,and hold her hands to together so she won't injure me.All this time she is screaming at the top of her lungs at me saying she is going to tear  my head off.It's completely embarassing ,because strangers look at me funny ,like i am abusing her or something.I don't know what is wrong with her.She tells me to not tell daddy she is being bad.So she knows she is bad.I mean i don't think this is normal.I kept telling myself it would pass but this episode i just described is a everyday acurence.It's like she mad at something.I mean she does not like any authority whats so ever.She is very strong willed.sometoimes she gets so mad she clenches her fists together,turns red and trembles . please help me.I am so stressed out at this moment. criss

[vanillabean]

my daughter is also 4 yr. My doctor also told me my child is very bright and she is bored with her toys that we need to challenge her.  It's like she is a 16 yr old in a 4 yr old body.  If i spank her, she will say do it again, it didnt hurt.  Or if I give her time out she will throw a tantrum that lasts for hours.  Her last one lasted 3 1/2hrs.  She finally fell asleep.  I feel so bad because I can't wait till bed time.  I even put her in headstart so I could have a break from her.  I feel so guilty, but I don't know what to do.  She lies so much, that I don't know when to believe her.  She will sneak around the house and take things that are mine, like lotion and pour it out on her bed and them lie about it.  She also, constantly chews on everything.  She even chewed up my gold bracelet.  My own mother won't babysit her because she says she just doesn't have the energy.  My life seems so revolve around her.  I just have a new baby and now she pees in her diapers and hides them.  When I find them she says the baby does it.  my baby is 4 months old. I ask her why she does the things she does and she says she can't help it. I'm going crazy.  HELP

[broken and beaten]

I too have a little girl who just turned 5 and is very controlling and violent at times.  She will tell both me and her dad that she hates us and that we are not her parents.  She has a wild imagination and makes up alot of stories about being married and having a daughter.  I love her alot but I am at my wits end with her.  She will not listen to us for nothing.  She is scared of everything, parades, people, you name it.  She yells at me constantly, slaps me and kicks.  We too have a problems in stores if she doesn't get her way she screams really loud and cries and then people stop and stare at us.  My husband hates to even go with her shopping.  We can't go anywhere because of how she acts.  Please give me some answers or help!!!
She is totally opposite in school they all say she is so sweet, they should have her at home.

[meridian]

i have the same with my two boys they are violent abusive itss impossible to take them any where except to apoligise frankly they are terrible hard work they where both diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and are on ritalin which is a terriffic drug although not cured they are 10 times better than they were

[snickles1977]

I am also in a boat such as this.  My 4 year old can be very embarassing, very obnoxious. I am at peace when she sleeps.. it is 1:30 a.m. right now and she is still awake.  I often want to either scream or cry because she just doesn't listen, doesn't care if I give her a time out.. just doesn't seem to care all together.  She has gotten into the habit of swearing quite a bit.  She gets her way all the time because she would fight with me for 3 hours if I said no to something as simple as wearing sandals out in the snow.  She is stressing me out big time lately.  In the stores she yells and when I try to remove her from there she also drags her feet.. she doesn't cry, but it's still embarassing.  She has had a few episodes in the stores though.  She is very smart.  Has been memorizing books since she turned one. Has been potty trained for a long time, has known ABC's, numbers since she was one.  Her doctor told me the problem is that she is bored.  Well, if she gets bored with a brand new electronic toy within 2 minutes.. what am I supposed to do?? I can't keep going out and buying her new things.  He also said she was "Spirited".  She has a problem with loud noises too.. Example.. circus, fairs.. What should I do?  She herself can be as loud as an airplane.. but no one else.  Should I see if it passes.. Any help would be great. :)  Nikki

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

It is crucial that you seek the intervention of a pediatric mental health clinician. There are a number of childhood emotional disorders which are typified by the sorts of symptoms you describe, and this can only be ascertained by a thorough evaluation. Do not attempt to manage this on your own - it is beyond the realm of a normal spectrum child behavior problem.

[end of my rope]

I am going through the same thing with my 4 and a half year old boy and I have run out of things to do. I get to the point where he makes me cry because he has total control of almost everything in my life now! When he finally goes to bed at night I'm finally at peace. If anyone has any advice as to anything that worked for you please let me know because like my nickname says I'm at the end of my rope!!!!!!

[byates]

A related discussion, Need help with agressive 4 year old girl was started.