what age is ok to start grounding?

[sweetheart0686]

My son is 5yrsold n have been being rude/physical wit his 11mo old brother... yesterdy he kicked him down our stairs n when asked y he says idk.. if u ask him if he cares if his brother gets hurt he says he don't care..we've tried time outts sitting on the bed, taken toys n nothing has seem to work.. he's in school full time now so when he gets home he's to do his chours( clean his room- make his bed) n than stay on his bed for hurting him.. n my mom yelled at me for punishing him... please help..
Sugguestions r welcomed ty

[Sandman2]

     Oh, I also recommend this book alot because it helps not only now, but will be quite helpful in middle and high school.  Particularly with things like IEPs and 504's.   The book is,  "The ADD/ ADHD Answer book," by Susan Ashley.

[Sandman2]

      If I had known he had ADHD, I would have added more to my recommendations.  I post on the ADHD forum a lot and would be glad to answer any specific questions.
   In a nut shell, "we have those chours to try n get his focus to where it should b..."  won't work and it won't help him.  At least not at this age.  He does not have the maturity to control his focus at this age.   By the way,  Chores are not bad.  I am all for them if they are appropriate.  Just don't expect them to help much at this age.
     this web site has a lot of things that will help both you and him.  The site is  http://www.rxlist.com/tips_for_parenting_a_child_with_adhd/page3.htm#rewards

    I hope you find this useful.  And as I said, you can find me here -
http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175

[sweetheart0686]

their cousins were here n we've notice when other children r around my oldest is mean/rude to his brother... its causing my bf to not want nothing to do wit him n he doesn't want him wit the baby alone....
Yes timeout, taking toys, spanking nothing has worked.. we've been working on his attitude n behavior from b4 we were pregnant we didn't jus stop the timeouts so soon we've been at this almost 2yrs n it seems like he's getting worse...
He has adhd so the "chours" which is making his bed n cleaning his room cuz its his mess is not that uncommom... n we have those chours to try n get his focus to where it should b...

[RockRose]

I think for a 5 year old to come home from a full day of school and then have to do chores and then sit on his bed for a long time for sibling rivalry is probably adding to his problems.  He sees his younger brother doing nothing (of course he doesn't have chores,  he's a baby) but still life must seem like one long grind to the 5 year old.  

We had a rule that when you come home,  you had FREE time and delicious snacks for at least half hour,  then could decide to do your homework then or wait until later.  The first half hour was totally free of any expectations - it was your reward for being in school all day.

[margypops]

try what I have said focus on his positive side and make sure he feels special if Dads around how about some sports and games .children respond to positive attention they don't have ADD most times .

[Sandman2]

At his age any consequence has to be immediate, and consistent.  That is one reason why doing something when he gets home from school won't work now - he can't draw the connection to what he did.  By 9 or 10, yes.  Not now.

I am guessing that the time outs did not work because you gave up on them to soon.  It takes about 3 weeks to change a behavior - not 3 minutes.  And that is 3 weeks of consistent, immediate action.

It does sound like he is a bit jealous of his brother.  makes sense, a child of that age is going to get a lot more attention then a 5 year old.

Couple of ideas.  Get the book, "SOS Help for Parents," by Lynn Clark.
It tells you how to use the timeout system so that it works.

Also there is a wonder set of books (such as Hands are not for hitting, or Cool Down and Work Through Anger) that are aimed at the 4 to 7 year crowd.  They are meant to be read aloud.  And that bit of extra attention to him would also be good.  Check out this book and then scroll down to see other wonderful series.  
    http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-Behavior
/dp/1575420775


    So to answer your question.  Yes, he is too young.  At his age, when he comes home he needs to run around and play (maybe with little brother).  Make the consequences immediate - not delayed!
     Hope this helps.

[margypops]

I would say there is a jealousy factor going on here, the 5 year old is jealous about the attention the baby gets and acts out, Its not good to leave them alone together .If he is at school all day instead of getting him to do house hold chores at 5 year old how about you give him some time reading, board games so he still feel special .