what could be wrong?

[Sara]

My 18 month old son is driving me crazy! He whines constantly even when he wants something he knows he can have- his cup for example. He will not play with anything but me. I can't hold anything but him and I do this constantly. He is always on my lap. I can't even go to the bathroom without him standing outside of the door screaming at the top of his lungs! he does not sleep through the night, waking 4-5 per night, screaming for me. He stays awake for about 20-30 min. each time. I have tried letting him cry it out and everything else I could possibly think
of to change his behavior. All this has been going on for 9 months now with no sucess. i don't believe it's seperation anxiety because he stays with my parents and the babysitter even overnight without a problem. Is this serious? What should I do?

                             very concerned,
                             sara

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Sara,

Relative to the behavior during the night, be sure to allow your son to fall asleep on his own and, by all means, do not respond to the crying overnight - otherwise, you'll only reinforce it. He will cry, but eventually go back to sleep. Even if you go in occasionally, he will learn to expect your arrival.

During the daytime, maintain your equanimity. It's hard, but very important. And try not to indulge his every request that you hold him. He'll adapt to being around you, without your having to actually hold him.

[Kyle's Mom]

My 5 yr old son used to do the same thing.  When I would take a bath he would scream and cry, finally I just let him come in the bathroom when he wanted to.  He only stayed for 15 seconds then would leave. I think he just needed to have the access. I still have to sleep with him because he has nightmares and it afraid to sleep by himself.  He reaches for me in the night and if I am not there he comes looking.

I think it is some form of attachment disorder.  I am willing to tolerate it because he is also ADHD, but I am slowly trying to get him to sleep without touching me.  It is working but it is a slow, slow process.  I can go places by myself now and a year or so ago I could not.  Lots of reinforcing my love for him, specific praise for positive behavior, and letting him know I will never leave him and will always be there for him.  I don't know how much this will work for your since your child is younger than mine but this is worth a try.