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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
what is a good punishment
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
what is a good punishment
by lealealea, Mar 16, 2004 12:00AM
My neice, it is my sister-in-laws daughter is seven years old and her mother and father are not together so my neice goes with her father every other weekend. My sister in law is a wonderful mother. She just found out that when her daughter was at the fathers house her dad let her smoke a cigarette needless to say she was very upset and contacted her lawyer. she discussed with her daughter that it is not healthy to smoke than she grounded her for 2 weeks taking some priveleges away from her. now my question is Do you think 2 weeks is too long of a punishment because i feel that it was her fathers fault for giving her the cigarette he is the adult and I don't think it is her fault yes smoking is wrong especially a 7 year old but it was her father giving it to her. I guess I just feel that if she is unable to see her father after he did such a terribe thing she is going to feel like it was her fault for smoking, I feel that yes it is wrong to smoke, it was her fathers fault, she is only seven years old and by punishing her for it they are saying it is her fault to. I guess I just think that it was her father and she thought it was okay cuz really what kind of father would do that,I don't think as a kid you think your father would do anything to harm you. I of course do not express my thoughts because I do not know if they right or not and it is her daughter to raise like I said she is a wonderful mother but I just worry what this punishment is making her feelif she feels that this is her fault. Please let me know if I am just thinking too much into the punishment?
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Mar 17, 2004 12:00AM
, Mar 17, 2004 12:00AM
If the situation unfolded in the way you describe it, it really is not particularly helpful to punish this little girl. That a parent would allow a child to smoke is an indication of very poor judgement, and does call into question the suitability of father's having unsupervised contact. Now, it's probably not going to be helpful for you to interject your opinion in this, unless you happen to enjoy a very good relationship with your sister-in-law. Too often friends and relatives interject their child-rearing opinions without invitation.
