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what to do

what is the best way to get a nine yr old child to behave.  She lives with her grandparents who are have not had children at home for a long time.  They are angry with their daughter and I believe its reflecting onto their granddaughter.  She lies, and now has begun to steal from school.  You ask her a question and she says I dont remember.  I suggested that she have a route,  like putting up a white board and wrtie what she is to do every day, homework etc.
It is a constant screaming match in their house.  I do not believe in spanking a child, teaching them its ok to hurt a someone when your angry is not a good thing.  She is going to be tested for ADD/HADD I do not think this is the problem.  
She spends lots of time with me and is a wonderful child.  I ask her why and she tells me is is because she does not want to be with her grand parents.  This child has had a life of hell already.  
Her grandparents have full custody of her and there is no other place for her to go.  I told her that She had to make the best of it because she had to live with her grandparents, and that there was no other place to live....  

Did I do the right thing in telling her that and is the white board with what she is to do or not do a good idea?
any suggestions would be so so helpful.



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