I feel like I'm going crazy. I've just found out, after my daughter confessed, that her brother taught her about s e x . We had a private discussion about what happened, and she broke down, explaining how her brother made her do things from kissing with tongue, to oral sex, with him explaining to her that this is what adults do, and what boys want when they push a girl to her knees.My daughter broke down, crying that if this is what adults do, she never wants to grow up.I assured her this is NOT what adults do, I asked her about how she was feeling while this happened, she said she felt sick, and gooey, and it didn't feel right. I explained to her that her feelings were telling her that it WAS wrong, and it should not have happened, and it will NEVER happen again.I have failed her.. I was trembling from the inside out trying to maintain my composure, and subside my deep desire to throttle my son. My primal fear has been realized. My duty was to protect her from predators,..I had no idea my son would be the perpetrator. Then my feelings flooded for my son, and all the horribly difficult changes that has happened to him in the past year. My son, who has been troubled by life changing custody issues, [currently still ongoing], is a small boy about 90lbs, and is not a mature 12 yr old, however, with todays media, it is difficult to monitor what explicities he's been exposed to. From music lyrics, to tv shows, to video games, to commercials, magazines and all media..there is just too much for children to really understand, and gives a skewed view of the projection of females, to hormonal, underagers, and vice versa. My problem is, after discovering with them individually, and talking about it as a threesome, there is so much I want to ask. I had to take breaks from my discovery, and seperated them from eachother until I figured out which plan of action was best to take. I thought my daughter was fully aware of inappropriate touching, and that NOONE is to touch her in her private places, or anywhere! She trusted her brother. When I confronted my son, composure intact, I expected him to lie, he didn't. I believe it was my approach that made him confess. Apparently it happened one time, and I asked if it had ever happened before or if he had thoughts of doing this again, he insists no, and he wasn't sure why he did it, but he wanted to apologize to his sister, which, at that time, I had my daughter doing crafts in her room, I told him I wanted him in his room till I could figure things out..All I could do was go to my room and cry in confusion. I explained to my son that I was thankful his sister told me, because that is a horrible secret to try to keep, and that she will never forget this, nor will he. I didn't want to harp,,bombard with questions or get overtly upsetted with him, as he has been struggling with so much, I didn't want him to feel hopeless, or leave lifetime scars for her or him. I also didn't want to minimize the situation, because I feel it's severe We all went to dinner together, as if nothing happened, and before bedtime the two were playing cooperatively together under my strict supervision until I sat with them and we had a discussion about how this is not how adults behave, and what happened was not acceptable. I also explained that there is a natural curiousity about body discovery, and this was too far. I don't think it's normal for this to happen at this age..I'm so thankful my daughter told me,..but she waited for weeks. I am so concerned for both of them. I feel like if I seek proffesional advice , that this could ruin lives.....hers and his. I'm also concerned that if I don't notify professionals that this could later turn into a nightmare of me not properly protecting my children. My son has been in therapy at a regional childrens center, for the past few monthes and his therapist said he was doing so well and didn't deem it necessary to see him weekly, but rather changed his sessions to monthly. My son has been inappropriately touched by his grandfather, and just recently he tried to press charges, and the authorities wouldn't.He gained nation attention by running away and went to the police station to lay a charge, they wouldn't, because they said it happened long ago, it was historical, and it wasn't sexual Childrens aid said it wasn't sexual abuse it was 'inappropriate touching' and the grandfather had been spoken to,. I was also advised by cas to not have my son discuss this issue with other professionals he's involved with about the grandfather, because it was not sexual, and to cas it seemed the child was being coached as we're involved in a custody battle..this was an outrageous request which I've adhered to, with no choice as my sons cries for help have fallen on deaf ears.. My son's father was his hero [whom we had joint custody] was incarcerated in sept. and the grandfather [dad's adopted dad] has filed for sole custody against his own son and myself . A battle of which I've been involved for too long. The fight is ongoing with the wait of a child appointed lawyer...I'm not making excuses, because there is none, but my brain hurts trying to figure out why, and what to do...HELP!!!!!!!!!please.
Goodness this is so embroiled..I think that you let the authorities deal with it, it does sound as if your son was abused and in turn has become the abuser.AlI can say is he needs lot of help as does your daughter, in my opinion inappropriate' touching amounts to abuse, the fact the grandfather was just 'spoken 'to seems weird.A lot of help needed here,not certain it is anything you can figure out alone .
I also think an adult who molests a child even if it is with inappropriate touching should have more happen than just being "spoken to." In your shoes, I would mortgage everything I had to get your son some counseling and to get a good, private lawyer.
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