worried gramma

[Barb1951]

I don't often see my grandchildren, but had the privilage of babysitting last night so my son and his wife could go to a movie .  My son was married back in 1996, had a beautiful daughter in 1999 and divorced in 2001.  It was very hard on the daughter and I took care of her for a year or so as things were getting straightened out.  It was difficult for her, but she's 9 now and adjusting pretty well to every other weekend at daddys. I'm telling you this as background. SHE is not the one I'm overly worried about at present.  My son remarried in 2003 and had another beautiful daughter  in 2005. She will be 3 in March.  She's always been very bright....observing  and mimicking mouth movements almost from birth and speaking very young. But...something's not right...and I can't put my finger on it.  She's.....all I can think of....is....'intense'.  Her emotions are ....intense.  ... She's very active physically, running and jumping and full of life, like any three year old, but I noticed last night that she tends to repeat every phrase I say.  Rather than just answer me when I ask a question, she'll repeat the question. Then she'll answer it.  She knows her alphabet and loves to dance and sing, but she doesn't like to be hugged or snuggled much.
She always looks like she's thinking about something...like she's somewhere else.  She's MORE than a 'picky eater'...she'll eat nothing but microwaved mac and cheese, and baby food.  Has a fit when offered something else.  And last night, was the most traumatic experience...when getting her ready for bed I asked if she'd like to sit on the potty, as she's being trained, she yelled NO and ran. I said fine, not wanting to make an issue, and said I had to put her night time diapers on and she screamed for mommy and cried that she just wanted to go to sleep and would I go away!! I tried to remain calm and said ok, ok, it's fine. Just try and sleep and mommy will be home soon.
She just kept screaming. I thought she was in pain, but she wouldn't let me near her.  I tried calling my son and he tried talking to her on the phone but she was hysterical by now and wouldn't listen. They said they'd be home.  I felt like i was making it worse by talking to her, so I said mommy will be home soon and closed the door a bit hoping she might rest in her room.  She didn't . I finally went in to try and calm her again because she was still screaming for mommy.
I carried her out to the couch and suggested she lie on the couch with me and i started singing her one of her favorite songs. SHe quieted and smiled for a few minutes and I thought it was over, when I noticed she was grabbing her hair. Distractedly at first, but then it became very directed. She was PULLING her HAIR out and ripping it. I asked why she was doing that and she said she wanted MOMMY!  NOW!  I tried to keep a calm voice and said that mommy was on her way home and she needed to leave her hair on her head. She screamed "WHY??  I want to tear my hair !!"  She ran back into her room screaming and climbed in her bed sobbing, screaming that she didn't like me and wanted her mommy. I felt terrible. Of course I understand fear and that she didn't know me really well. There was NOTHING i could do to comfort her.  I've never seen anything like this.  By the time 'the reserves' arrived, I was hysterical myself.  What IS this???  During the day, when I've had her and her older half sister over together, she's been fine. She adores her older sister and mimicks everything she does.  Her sister is good with her and they get along well, but , of course, she's only there twice a month.  The rest of the time, the little one is home alone with mommy and gramma (the OTHER gramma) who are all very loving people.  She adores her daddy too and when she gets 'over excited and mouthy' which she can do, he is the only one who can speak with her and quiet her down. She listens to him.  Do these symptoms sound familiar to you at all. Do they mean anything?or am I just overreacting?

[rebbecca]

everything seems normal but the hair pulling would upset me also. when her parent came home did u ask them about the hair pulling?

[RockRose]

Barb,  I can see why you'd be concerned,  but all these behaviors kind of fall within the "normal" range.  

You've never seen her act like this before,  which is a good indication that although this is very upsetting behavior,  it isn't something she does all the time.  For a 3 year old to have a hysterical melt down when being babysat isn't completely out of the realm of normal.

She repeats the question,  but then she answers correctly?  That again isn't outside of normal.  Some kids have "echolalia",  which means they can only repeat,  they can't really answer,  but she can answer.  

She's active and physically fit,  and intense.

I think she'll be a bit of a challenge to raise.  But I'm not sensing this is the kind of thing that will derail her life,  or keep her from succeeding in school,  etc.

Best wishes.