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HELP 8 year old still wetting at night
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HELP 8 year old still wetting at night

My eight year old won’t stop wetting the bed at night.  I get so frustrated because we have tried EVERYTHING!  We used to wake him up, we stopped liquids, gave rewards, put him in pull-ups but nothing!  We have taken him to the doctor; there is nothing physically wrong.  He has a counselor but that hasn’t helped.  What is worse is he will wake up but won’t get out of bed because “he doesn’t feel like it.”  He said I know I have to go but I just don’t want to get out of bed.  So he sleeps in his own urine.  We put a training potty in his room, but that didn’t help; he still chose to go in his bed.  We have had him wash his own sheets and nightclothes but that doesn’t work.  He just doesn’t seem to care.  I know he is embarrassed but he can’t go to sleepovers because of this.  We sent him to camp for a week thinking that would help but it didn’t.  He refuses to take a shower in the morning unless I say something.  He has hidden his pull-ups, clothes, blankets, all full of pee, in his room.  His room smells so bad that I literally vomit if I smell it.  Sometimes the smell carries throughout the house.  I have had him wash down the walls thinking that might work to get him to stop because he hates doing work. Nope.  We have tried talking to him calmly and rationally, but nothing works!  I am so fed up.  I don’t know what to do.  We have even tried offering him a new bed with a new mattress as enticement. He got excited but it didn’t work.  He wet his pants during the day until he was seven.  Finally he stopped that.  He was physically and mentally abused by his biological mother but hasn’t seen her in over 2 years and hasn’t spoken to her in almost a year.  Still nothing.  I understand abuse takes time to heal but I don't know what else to do to help my son.  Help!
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98010_tn?1305903335
I am still struggling to potty train my 4 year old son so I am probably not the best person to give potty training advice.  My only suggestion is that you may want to also try posting your question in both the Child Behavior and the Maternal and Child forums.  I have seen a lot of potty training questions in those forums.  Hopefully between the 3 forums you will find someone able to offer you some helpful advice.  Hang in there!  
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Avatar_n_tn
Thank you I will give it a try and good luck with your son!
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi, i know this is very frustrating, I have a 7 year old son and he still wets the bed. Sometimes he can go for months dry and then suddenly will start wetting the  bed, some nights he has wet it up to 3 times!! My husband gets him up in the middle of the night and it still makes no difference. He went to a school camp for a week and the teacher got him up every night, although he said that was very difficult as he is a heavy sleepier, and he still wet the bed. Just recently i spoke to a child psychiatrist about this and she said it is perfectly normal for boys of this age, and older, to still be wetting the bed. Apparently it takes a lot longer in them for there muscles to mature .

I would make him shower every time he wets the bed, no questions asked. Do you use a mattress cover?? I have found the best thing is a plastic shower curtain, as it doesn't  go through, can easily be wiped over for quick bed making, and is very cheap.  Apart from encouraging the cleanliness side of things , maybe try not giving it so much attention, as he may really be ashamed of this and the hiding of the sheets may be his way of showing this.

My only suggestions are, and it is no cure, only time can do that, limit his drinks at night, get him up in the middle of the night to encourage the emptying of his bladder, if he has an "accident", than just put him in the shower, remove his bed sheets, then put him back to bed afterwards. When my son wakes up in the morning having had wet the bed, I encourage him to help me take the sheets off and put them in the laundry. I do not make a huge thing over it, because it is not his fault, even if you think he is doing it out of laziness, it is a fact boys take a LOT longer to outgrow bed wetting. It could still be partly trauma related, traumatic experiences can stay with us a life time, even if he hasn;t seen the mother for a year, you do not know how he is really dealing with it inside, or what things he may relive in his dreams.

Be sensitive to his needs, and maybe find a friend who is understanding where he can start having sleepovers. My son generally does not wet the bed away from home, but a friend suggested to me to pack a sleeping bag so that it can easily be brought home for cleaning. All the best, and please, try and be patient with him, he is just a sensitive little  boy.
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Avatar_n_tn
My oldest son had this problem. No matter how long we limited fluids before bed, he still wet the bed.  We knew because of other reasons that he needed his tonsils and adnoids removed at age 5. When the time came we went to the ENT to discuss the surgery. As he examined my son, the first thing he asked me was if he wets the bed. I said yes, but I thought that I had just done a bad job potty training him. He said it is one of the biggest symptoms of enlarged tonsils. Since he had the surgery, we saw a huge difference. He is 8 now and he may have one accident every few months, but usually because he loves to eat crushed ice before bed, but sometimes forgets to go to the bathroom before sleeping..........
Might want to have his tonsils checked out.

Good luck

sskb
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Avatar_n_tn
Thank you all for your suggestions.  I really appreciate this.  I am so lost and nothing has worked.  I will have him checked out by the doctor again and I will try getting him up at night and making him take a shower.  Thank you again.  If you think of anything else please let me know.
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Avatar_n_tn
I use to wet the bed- don't punish him!

There is a drug called ADDP- that worked well for me- its a nose spray that is used at bed time.
Take him to a dr. that specializes in the urinary tract- maybe there is something there at night- i didn't have the hormone that regulates this.

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Avatar_n_tn
My son wet the bed until we had his tonsils and adenoids (adenoids) taken out. He had sleep apnea from enlarged tonsils and ENT said it messed up his normal sleep patterns.

Also, we found that when he drank milk close to bedtime this would increase the bedwetting.
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Avatar_n_tn
My son is almost 7 and not only does he wet the bed but he wets and poops in his pants during the day.  He says that he cant feel it when he has to go.  We have been to the dr on three occassions and they told me to give him enimas and milk of magnesia to clean him out.  I have done that and he still is going on himself daily.  I get calls from the school almost daily and because of this he had to be held back a grade because he was out of the classroom so much in K that he missed a lot of the work, when he got in 1st grade he couldn't keep up.  I am taking him back to the dr on Tuesday but any suggestions I would appreciated.  I know most of you only have night time bedwetters(I'd take that right now vs daytime).  Please help.
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi, just wondered if anyone had heard of or tried the enuresis treatment centre, in america.  I have 4 children, 10, 7, 5, &2.  The oldest 3 all wet the bed, most nights.  I have started on the ETC, program with my eldest and wondered if anyone else had tried this route. Many thanks Kim
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535822_tn?1389452880
Have you addressed any other problems he may have in his life that could be causing this issue,is he happy with school and family, are there any other issues may be disturbing him , seems you are all dwelling on 'bells and whistles and diapers, could he simply be having problems and his way of acting out is this way. RTereading your post I would say there is an emotional issue and maybe some counceling would help.
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Avatar_n_tn
I used to wet the bed until I was about 14 years old.  It was the most traumatic thing for me becouse I would wet at friends houses and at sleep overs.  I am now 33 years old so back then they didnt have any of the pullups and special wetting pants they have for this problem.  My dad bought adult diapers and numbered them 1-10 with a big black magic marker.  The reason for the numbering was so that in the morning I would have to bring him my diaper and give it to him.  If the number didnt match the order he had gone in it meant I had changed it.  He would beat me if it was wet.  This was his way of dealing with this problem.  Everyone in my family said that I did it for attention and I just wanted to be noticed.  That I was too lazy to get out of bed, that I woke up and just did it in my bed and just went back to sleep.  All of this is untrue.  If I could have made a wish and changed anything in my life that would have been it.  I always wished just one morning could I please wake up to a clean warm bed instead of a cold, wet stinking bed.  I also didnt shower daily, becouse my parents didnt pay enough attention to this that they didnt make me.  A child this age concerns are not to take showers and be clean, it shouldnt be that is a parents job to take care of them.  I even got sent home from school becouse I stunk of urine and got sent to the office to get sent home for a shower.  I got beat for that too, becouse they all said that I was being lazy.  I wasnt lazy, I had no reason to be motivated, everyone gave up on me and didnt care, they all just wanted to be mean and cruel.  Why should a child this age try if there isnt any possative outcome.  Just accept that this is the dish you were dealt, wash the clothes and sheets daily and dont make a big deal.  If your son had a magic wand this would be one of the first wishes he would make.  If you never had this problem then it is hard for you to empathize, but just do your best.
I understand the frustration.  My son now is almost 8 and he also still wets the bed.  He has enourmous tonsils, and reading what everyone else has read I think I am going to research this.  But he will have a good month and a bad month.  I have never spanked him for this or yelled at him.  But it is his responsibility to help out with changing the sheets becouse I do want him to be responsible about his own mess.  But I do my best to keep the sheets clean, sometimes its hard at night I will just throw on a clean towel and send him back to bed and deal with it in the morning, but do your best to not blame him.  
I will agree with the others, that there is something going on in his life that is causing this problem.  I stopped wetting the bed almost to the day that my mom kicked my father out.  Something is there and it is ussually stress or issues that are out of the childs control to change.  Even if you have to look at yourself and your husband, if there is room for improvement take a chance and work at it.  I know that I had to do the same thing with my son.  My new husband has nothing to do with my son and my ex doesnt do anything with him either, I know that he is stressed, so I dont make an issue of the wetting, it seems he has enough on his little 7 year old mind.  
Best of Wishes......it will all work out!  It did for me :)
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Avatar_m_tn
OMG!!!! im so sorry but i am completely fed up with my 10 year old son wetting the bed every night and sometimes 2 to 3 times a night. he shaeres a room with my 13 year old and that is also very stressful because my oldest is fed up with the stench of urine every day and the smell even creeps through the house. I have literally tried everything!!!  I have yelled at him i have talked to him nicely i bought matresses 3 times in one year because the smell is so bad! I have taken him to doctors and counselors and the nasal spray he is taking just doesnt work! I honestly feel like a complete failure and sometimes i cry at night beacause i get so frustrated with him that i would rather beat myself than him. i literally beat myself and pull my hair out. what do i do!!!???
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