Mindblindess

I have a 4 1/2 year old son that was diagnosed PDD-NOS and was briefly in a Preschool Program for Children with Disabilities (PPCD).  He has since been "graduated" from the program and was declared within normative range.  He's no longer in speech or OT therapy.  Today, he's in a normal Pre-K program.  However, he has some significant social problems.  He seems very unaware of how to relate to other children.  I don't think he's aware that other kids have their own wants and needs, and doesn't seem to be aware of their feelings.  It's very frustrating to him (and me).  At what age does a child develop "theory of mind"?  Should I wait and hope that he grows out of this?  If I should take him in for an evaluation, should he see a Child Psychiatrist or a Neuropsychologist, or someone else?  BTW:  he has an uncle and a cousin with Aspergers as well as an aunt with bipolar disorder.

[Natta1980]

Well - PDD-NOS children may have trouble developing a "theory of mind" on their own. Were they trying to address his social skills gaps in that special ed pre-school program? How did he "graduate" - did school re-evaluate him and decided that he no longer fits into "special needs" category?

[MJIthewriter]

I reported this so hopefully it will get moved over to the autism forum. You're more than welcome to come over and visit us there sometimes. :)
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Theory of mind:  I am 25 years old, have PDD NOS and still not fully aware of what goes on in other people's minds.  Some things have helped me try to figure it out. If I can break things down into cause/effect... I do something, it will make someone feel that way.  

I also believe embarrassment is a milestone. Once I started to become more aware, I started to feel more awkward doing certain behaviors.  Usually I hace to learn things first the hard way.  Social stories also help understand theory of mind.    Also reading and role playing helps. I get some of my understanding of people by reading what they share about themselves in print.

I may not fully be aware what is on peoples minds but at least I have some ideas of things I can or can't do for certain circumstances and can anticipate people's reactions based off past experiences. It also helps me if I can ask questions. That way I can have an idea what is going on in someone else;s mind.

I think another important step in learning theory of mind is when one can look in the mirror and realize "this is like how other people must see me".  As a child I wanted to know if I was the only person who couldn't see myself unless I looked in a mirror of if everyone was like that to themselves.  I also wondered if other people could see my face even though I couldn't.  I tried asking questions but usually got puzzled looks and seemed to confuse people. That made learning this a bit harder.

But when I could finally understand that yes I look to other people like how I see them, then I couldn't just get away with certain behaviors.  I still don't consiously think this all the time and still not fully aware how I look, but at least I have an idea.