These people--- I wanna kill them!

Sorry everyone, but I've gotta get this out or I'm going to go nuts.

My little sister has CDD, some attention issues, and some temper problems. I posted earlier how I was peeved about some psychologist who we didn't even know trying to tell us how to treat her problems. Now, there are teachers who dont' know her at the school telling my mom she might want to consider alternative school for Shannon next year.

Of course, when we heard this, we thought something had happened. No, it turns out. They said, "Sometimes kids like her have trouble in normal school." But isn't that the whole point of mainstreaming? Aren't we supposed to be getting these kids used to the "normal" world?

It made me so angry to think that someone would treat my little sister like this. In a month, she'll be 11. She's independent and doesn't even act like she has any special needs. As far as "temper" goes, you would think her twin or myself would be the ones with some kind of disorder in comparisson to her most days.

Maybe I'm overreacting, but my mom and I are really displeased. Yes, we have looking in to some online schooling to help Shannon focus in highschool. But that's not now. And Shannon wants to go to Middle School with her friends so she can join the junior cheer leading squad.

What do you think? Do I have a right to be mad?

[Dixie51]

Yes you have a right to be angry.  Anger is a normal feeling.  It's what you do with the anger that matters.  You need to be in control of the anger and not let it control you. Use your anger to get more help for your sister.  Tell them politely but firmly that you need all the help that is available for her.  I don't know what else can be done, but don't give up.

[EmmyJN]

Thanks :) Of course I don't want to do anything outlandish, it was just irritating. Shannon's normal psychologist and aide retired last year, so we're dealing with all new people. I understand that it's frustrating for them to have to learn these things again, but when we say that we don't want her on meds and such, you would think they would listen.

And as far as the homeschooling, quite honestly, we were thinking about it. But to be told that we shouldn't mainstream her because it's inconvient for the school?

[AnnieBrooke]

Honey, you're talking like you are the parent.  Has your mom abdicated this role to you?  If not, I would try to release on some of that.  It's not good for you to be so parental of a sibling for a lot of reasons, primary among them that at 16, you should be growing yourself up, not someone else.

[EmmyJN]

I apologize.

It's just frustrating. I feel bad for her. And she's my little sister, I get protective.

[AnnieBrooke]

It's sometimes easier to take on someone else's fights than one's own.  :)  

It is sweet and admirable to care, and I am not saying you should withhold your concern.  But your language was as an authority figure (you said, for example, "Aren't we supposed to be getting these kids used to the 'normal' world?" and "my mom and I are really displeased.")  You kind of sounded like your mother's partner in this, or your sister's parent.  That's a slippery slope for you, and I'll tell you why.

First of all, you don't have the right to take on that role.  Even if your mother's mom wrote that, I would say the same thing.  I would say to your grandma, "It's the child's parent's job, not yours, to be saying what is acceptable and what is not acceptable, and deeming themself displeased."  Now, I know that there are some moms out there who are so overwhelmed that they do abdicate to their kids.  If you're taking on a parental role because your mother has passed this to you, your mother is being unfair.  A 16-year-old has her own issues, and grown up as a teenager can be, someone should still be taking care of her.  She should not be expected to shoulder adult burdens.  Teenagers can do a lot of mature things, but their tempers and emotions are not entirely mature, and you don't want to have to carry what you shouldn't have to carry, until you get a chance to grow up in all ways yourself.  

If your mom didn't pass this on to you (tacitly or overtly), then I am wondering why you are carrying it in such a paternal way.  It is definitely a law of the universe that big sisters butt in and tell little sisters what to do, (as my little sister and she will tell you).  But it is also kind of a bad habit.  It can even lapse into being a way to make oneself feel superior.  It's all too easy to make oneself feel big by continually "helping" someone else.  

In my opinion, unless your mom is just entirely helpless, you should back off on the demanding of answers and angry insults to the system, and just ramp up the support and love that goes directly from you to your sister.  It's better for her and for you too.

Good luck, sweetheart.

[AnnieBrooke]

*ask my little sister and she will tell you, (not "as")  :)

[EmmyJN]

Again, I apologize.

I'll explain to you why I vent the way I do here.

I have quite the host of my own medical problems. My mom is stressed, and my dad works so much he's not around to help with these things. Many times, I've had to go in to advocate for my sister when my parents are fighting some other front. My mom uses me as her confidant and I can only take so much of this before I explode.

My life has always been protecting Shannon, or trying to figure out how to jump my own medical opsticles. Those have always been my concerns. It's one problem after another, then little lulls in between.

I'm also very used to fighting for myself and my own problems that the school system won't recognize.

I do understand where your concern comes from, however, and I won't post like this again.

[AnnieBrooke]

Sweetheart, I wasn't concerned that you posted this way, say whatever you like in your posts.  

I was concerned that you it reflected that in your life you were taking on this responsibility, and it should truly not be your load.

Good luck, to you and your sister.

[achilles2]

I sent you a message.

[specialmom]

If I may be so bold, anniebrooke has no problem with that you posted this or how you worded it, she is concerned that you are being burdoned with something a sibling should NOT be.  I wholeheartedly agree.  

You can worry but if you've had to go in and handle things when the parents are fighting on another front, this has been a great disservice to you.  And really your sister.  She needs the adults in her life to handle things.

I'm not knocking your parents at all but do encourage you to seperate a bit from this issue.  You need to be a child for as long as you can be.  

Peace

[skepticalpeach]

I think it's perfectly fine to be protective of your sister. I know plenty of sisters who feel motherly of their siblings. It's perfectly fine to feel this way, but the decision in the end is your mother's. She has to talk to the school and figure out what is best for your sister. I understand your concern though!

On the other hand, special ed is not a smack against your little sister. If that's what she needs then she should get it. She needs to be in the best environment in which to learn. Going to school isn't just about being with your friends, it's about getting a good education. Just let the school and your mom figure out what is the best plan for your little sis!