Decompensated cirrhosis

[Dennie99]

My husband was diagnosed with decompensated cirrhosis August 2015 and was hospitalised for two weeks.  He was yellow suffering from ascites and couldn't walk only with frame. We had carers in when he got home. He has made good progress since. He only gave up drinking for about a month but is now drinking again. His poison is cider! His legs and stomach are swelling again and his appetite is very small. Very tired all the time and  refuses to go to doctors. How long can he survive like this. I feeltrapped within this almost like a hostage.  I don't want him to die suffering but I can't do anything. You name it I've tried it.
I'm exhausted from reading all about it. It's no good anyone saying he has to stop drinking he won't!  That I can except but just need to know how long this could go on for? A question people like me want an answer too!

[Dennie99]

Thank you all your words!  And we'll done you xx

[rpooo]

Hello Dennie, and welcome to MedHelp,

I am so sorry to hear everything you and your husband are going through. I imagine to you it seems unfair that he won’t give up the drink in order to have a shot at survival. I would say that without even knowing you that you deserve better than this from him. I’m sorry about him losing his son 17 years ago and maybe some counseling is needed for that. There are other ways to cope than choosing the drink though by now I imagine it’s just become more of a way of life for him. It’s very scary as a grown man to not know who you truly are with a sober frame of mind though drinking gives you all the confidence you ever need.

You want an answer to a question that is nearly impossible to answer. This is because there are too many variables. Every person’s body reacts differently to the abuse, also how much he is drinking and what he is drinking.. will also play a role in his life expectancy. The person to ask would be his doctor and even then it’s a guess. Watch for the advanced symptoms of cirrhosis is the best way to know the end is coming near. To die suffering is also a gamble he is taking though this is not the case for everyone, hepatic coma is also very common.

Dennie make sure to remember these are all choices he is making, and none of it is your fault. I know what it is like to be an alcoholic. I drank morning to night averaging 23 beers a day for years. Making the choice to quit if not for yourself but for your loved ones is all up to him. MedHelp also offers a community for alcoholism, there are some wonderful people over there.

Personally I drank for more than 20 years and was diagnosed at the age of 38. After diagnosis I thought deep and hard on the ride home about the choice I had to make. I didn’t know if I wanted to give it up. I felt anger as I saw my wife’s tears, then it occurred to me that she deserved better than this from me! I was being selfish. She was just 32 at the time and possibly going to be a widow. I gave it my best and I couldn’t be more happier with my recovery. This was nearly six years ago. Recently she told me “ I am so thankful to get to know this side of you, it is very sad that had you never stopped drinking I would have never known how great life with you could really be”.  Maintaining my abstinence is no longer a challenge for me. I have surrendered my disability to return back to my profession which I have never enjoyed more. I still have health risks and always will but I did it to myself. For the most part I am going to be okay.

This is my  outcome, and could be the outcome for many more if they could just find the strength in time to quit. I truly wish you both the very best,

God Bless,

Randy

[Dennie99]

Thank you for taking the time to answer me.
Your sister sounds she's done really well
Unfortunately I don't think my husband will climb that mountain. He lost his son 17yrs ago and self medicated with alcohol.
Hope your sister continues her good work.
My husband knows if he drinks he will die, this is not going to stop him.
Like you say it has to come from deep inside to be able to fight this disease. I'm not sure he want to fight.  My biggest fear is his death. I only hope that it's quick.

[fanofhawks]

I don't have expertise to answer your question,  as I read here because my sister was hospitalized for the exact same thing as your hubby.  She was in ESLD with a decompensated liver and all the symptoms that go along with it.  This was 5 yrs. ago.  Her doctor told her that if she took another drink, she would die.  Well, she cleaned up her act and she is still doing all right I guess.  (We don't see her, but we talk occasionally.)  She was a drinker every day of her life for 40 yrs. when her liver finally gave out.  One of the things I remember someone saying to me when I was expressing my concern about her 5 yrs. ago, after her hospitalization, was that self destruction is hard-wired into some alcoholics and that it takes climbing a mountain everyday in order to overcome this destructive force.  Some manage to overcome, and others don't.  I know my sister struggles.  But if she were to go back to drinking, it would be as if she never stopped, and her liver would give out again.   The only one who can help your hubby is himself.  He has to have the will to live another day, month, year.  You cannot make him feel this no matter how much love you love him.  He has to feel it deep within.  If you understand the mindset of the alcoholic, you see why it is a disease.  AA may help him, but we couldn't get my sister to go.  Al-Anon will help you to understand and help you through your turmoil.  They have on-line meetings.  I know it helped me.  Sorry you are feeling this - probably more than he is.  That is usually the way, but you are powerless to make him see things differently.  It's up to him.