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Compulsive Behaviors (Expert Forum)
Compulsive/addictive masturbation
Answered by
Ted A Grossbart, Ph.D. - http://grossbart.com
Harvard Medical School
Questions in the Compulsive Behaviors forum are answered by Ted A Grossbart, Ph.D. from Harvard Medical School.
Compulsive/addictive masturbation
by DejaVu777, Mar 30, 2009 03:05AM
I've been masturbating ever since a very young age. It was never a very big problem until just recently when I got my own lap top, making porn accessible practically all the time. My problem is that I've come to prefer masturbation via porn to real life. I very rarely achieve orgasm from oral or digital sex with partner. I can achieve orgasm from sex, although the first two or three times I couldn't. The first time I had sex (about 6 months ago) I lasted for 4-5 hours, and never finished. I'm just wondering how I can correct this. It has nothing to do with confidence or anything like that; I've always been very popular with women, and have no issues with penis size or anything like that which I've been reading on some posts from other men. I'm sure that this is just a case that I've been masturbating too much too often all my life, have gotten too used to my own hand, and now it's taken an effect. Please help. I'm 18.
Doctor's Answer
by Ted A Grossbart, Ph.D., Mar 31, 2009 07:21AM
, Mar 31, 2009 07:21AM
Many people find that internet porn is like the new toy that is compelling at first but then loses at least some of its allure. Where the laptop is new, this may be a big part of the story.
I suggest next looking at if the masturbation has become an avoidance/addiction. Are you using it to avoid feelings or actions. What would you be feeling or doing if you were not focused on the porn? Hold off for a bit as an experiment and see what gets stirred up.
In general people have a physiologically stronger sexual response to masturbation. Where sex with a partner is a pretty new experience for you time and practice may be key.
Also try scaling back on the masturbation for a week before a date and see what difference that makes.
It may be useful to think of the masturbation and sex with a partner as two separate activities, each with their appeals and complications. But as with many conflicting agendas, the time and energy put into one may take away from the other. Explore if there is porn that works for both you and your partner, that could reduce the dilemma considerably.
I hope that is helpful. Let me know how it goes.
tg
I suggest next looking at if the masturbation has become an avoidance/addiction. Are you using it to avoid feelings or actions. What would you be feeling or doing if you were not focused on the porn? Hold off for a bit as an experiment and see what gets stirred up.
In general people have a physiologically stronger sexual response to masturbation. Where sex with a partner is a pretty new experience for you time and practice may be key.
Also try scaling back on the masturbation for a week before a date and see what difference that makes.
It may be useful to think of the masturbation and sex with a partner as two separate activities, each with their appeals and complications. But as with many conflicting agendas, the time and energy put into one may take away from the other. Explore if there is porn that works for both you and your partner, that could reduce the dilemma considerably.
I hope that is helpful. Let me know how it goes.
tg
