My husband of 16 years has OCD, and is well aware of it. We get along very well most of the time, but occasionally, if he is feeling stressed, he freaks out and over reacts to what our children (12 and 14) do. When I step in to point out that he is, in fact, over doing it, he freaks out even more and starts yelling at me. I basically end up walking away (as he is too wound-up to listen), and he always ends up apologizing later. Meanwhile, I am left hurt and crying over what he has said to me and the kids (not to mention how upset the kids are). How can I help him to see when he is going too far and help him to stop spewing the hate speech?
A tough one. Try sitting down with him at a calm moment and coming up with an agreed upon signal when you feel he is going over the top. It can be a phrase or gesture, but get him to agree (if you can) that when you give that sign he will stop talking for 10 minutes. If after ten minutes he sees it the same way, he has the option to continue the tirade.
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