OCD Torture - Please Help

Hello Dr. I am a 31-year old happily married man and am suffering extremely from (I think) h-OCD.  I have always loved women and still do.  I had some bad breakups but a few years back met the perfect girl for me.  I played spots my whole life and always have been around guys.  I'm not afraid to admit some of my friends are good looking atheltic guys but never in my 31 years have I been in any way sexually attracted to any of them. Many jealous and insecure cause they could get the really good looking girls but that's it.  That said I won't lie I have always been homophobic.  I work with some gay folks and they are nice and we get along but that is the extent of it.  Not a believer in that lifestyle and am somewhat repulsed by it but to each his own.  So i have always had slight OCD although never diagnosed.  I tend to think myself into a panic and then proceed to the occasional nail biting, hair pulling, eye brow pulling. This past year has been the worst mainly highlighted by the inability for my wife and I to get conceive which is still ongoing. That and other major stress items had me a little more on edge this year.  Then in February it all began!  Like a switch being flipped all these crazy thoughts in my head telling me I'm gay, go ahead kiss your best buddy, kiss your dad, see those guys here and there.  It all made me sick and still is!  The obsessive thoughts come and go but during peak events they completely drain me mentally!  I'm left saying to myself what just happned the last 2 months, why is it happning to me, and pleas stop!  I know I'm not gay and  I am still very attracted to women but this torture in my mind is wearing me down doc!  It's brought me to the lows of lows!  Fortunately it hasn't affcted my wife and I sex life but I'm not the happy man I always was!  I feeel I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown if this continues!  I have my first appointment with a OCD psychiatrist next week but wanted your take first.  What's wrong with me?

[Ted A Grossbart, Ph.D.]

Yes this sounds like pretty classic OCD plus the trichotillomania.  I think that your hunch that the fertility issues plus other unnamed stressors) may be a trigger is worth exploring.  I'm glad to hear you are about to get help from someone who knows this area.

This is a very treatable problem.

I think it is best to leave it there with the appointment coming right up.

Let us know how it goes.

tg

[nbst13]

Thank you Dr!  It's a horrible feeling and I wish this on no one!  I pray it can get better with treatment!  The thoughts I have at times are torture and what's worse sometimes is obsessing and worrying over when you might have a bad thought or when the next spike may happen.  Yesterday was a good day but in the back of mind I kept saying you better be ready for the next round!  It's hard to let go and be completely at ease.  Is this all normal?  Thanks for the response and I'll let you know how my appt goes.   Hopefully my spikes before then won't be to bad! You recommend any good books?

[Ted A Grossbart, Ph.D.]

The OCD foundation site has a good newsletter and other material.  

Your mind is trying to bully you and like any good bully it will stick the knife in whatever topic is most likely to get you riled up.  If you take a half step back and watch the thoughts go by seeing them in this context, you can come to be amused rather than freaked out.

tg

[nbst13]

This stuff is killing me slowly!  After 2-3 hrs of sleep every night, if that, I wake up with this voice telling and trying to convince me I'm gay!  Having the thoughts be there and not trying to address them is often times impossible!  I'm just straight up scared! I can be ok for one minute but on the verge of a breakdown the next few hrs! Why me, why now?  My life and stress was just starting to calm down and now this. I get nervous seeing pictures of males of all ages now, I woke up the other night with the thought of harming my wife!  I try to do some of the techniques I read about and I just worry they will make me more gay! Dr can't see me til Monday while here I struggle! Nothing like this for 30 plus yrs of my life and now here I am living in constant fear, doubt, and anxiety!        

[danko27]

doesnt ocd start when you are very young? I have ocd and have all my life. Ocd doesnt just start out of nowhere, especially as an adult at 31

[Dolly61]

I think i have ocd because i obsess alot about my health and picking up infections i constantly wash my hads would let any1 touch my stuff example my phone im afraid of germs im also terrified of getting spiked with something i would let any1 cook for me or make me a drink and also when im in a shop i wont take anything from front of shelf ilways go for stuff at the bk i also suffer from anxiety and panic attacks i constantly worry about my health i constanly have chest and arm pain and im always checking my pulse and am always getting my blood pressure checked its taking over my life im 25 have 4 kids its stopping me from doing stuff and i always push them away im obsessed im going to catch someting from them after been out playing can u plz tell me wat i can do im waiting on a appointment t c a psychiatrist and mental health team but am waiting nearly 3mths