Hey everyone... Im 24 year old hterosexual white male and have always suffered from anxiety and i feel minor OCD. Anxiety runs very big in my family. Over the past few months i have had performance anxiety in the bedroom with a lot of the girls i have been with. Some not turning me on a lot. My ideal women was always a freak in the sheets and a lady on the streets and lately i havent had that. Sex has been super boring .For my whole entire life i have always always loved women and want a wife and kids however, lately i have been having random homosexual thoughts. Never ever have i ever been attracted to another male. How this all came about.... I had a real bad break up with my x. She cheated on me and told me she was pregnant just to mess with my head and got me all worried. After her i have felt like my world was crushed. She fooled me, my family, my friends ...everyone thought i found the right girl. Well after the whole break up i was so worried i caught AIDS or some sort of STD from her. I went to the DR. got checked out and everything was cool but then after reading online like some symptoms of AIDS... i found a white tongue is a sign you have AIDS. Then i started looking in the mirror checking my tongue and was like omg my tongue is white i have AIDS. An it stuck with me for over a month and i couldnt get it out of my head. Well after all of this happened.... My Anxiety in the bedroom not getting erections got worse...I feel i lost my mojo...and starting to think maybe im gay. I started thinking back to like a month ago thinking ... I had a random sexual thought of being with a man..But later got grossed out the thought left my mind... so i got scared thinking maybe im gay. The thought of it i cant stand... Driving me crazy. I was in the car with a buddy of mine and im sitting there not looking him in the face and my mind was like...you know you want to kiss him and then im like omg no stop. Seriously wanted to just cry.I need some advise please.
None Dr.Grossabart. However i was put on wellbutrin xl 150mg 8 days ago. Havent noticed any change. But i have had some ok relationships but, all of them had ended terrible. What scares me is you know im 24 years old never had any thoughts of being a homosexual and my fear is did all of a sudden am i turning gay and did my mind cross into an area i never wanted it to. How do i reverse it. I feel like someone is holding a gun to my head and saying look you have to be gay or ill blow your head off. An to be honest i dont want that life style. I have been saying to myself for the past 5 days now that i want to feel like myself again. I went out the other night with a girl i have liked a lot and when we kissed it felt good but i couldnt get in the moment. Im thinking this is just becaue im so stressed out how can i be focused. I just dont know what to do. Im pretty scared Dr. I never thought something like this would happen to me. I have lived a heterosexual life for years with never any desires to be a man. I just dont understand how in a snap of a finger this is happening to me. Its been a constant struggle.
You need to be clear that what you are having are classic intrusive thoughts from OCD. It all says exactly NOTHING about your sexual orientation. Your mind is like a bully who will go to whatever is likely to freak you out and hit you with that to mess with you. Like with any bully, if they see they are getting to you they will lay it on thicker.
They meds may help. You need to be opening to trying different ones and dosages until you hit what is right.
You definitely need to be in psychotherapy with someone who knows OCD. The relationship issues are also important to look at or the pattern you describe is likely to continue.
My doctor put me on meds like 5 days ago for wheelbutrin XL 150mg and im having the jitters and i constantly feel like i have to kiss someone, arms are like in a tingly feeling. I started seeing a therapist the other day and she feels this isnt a good fit for me. Im honestly really scared...3 weeks ago i felt i was a straight heterosexual male and im starting to feel i dont even realize who i am anymore. I havent been able to eat a lot...When i watch tv and i see a guy with his shirt off i bug out and feel that im starring at him or like checking him out. I mean im such a wreck. Last night a girl who i have been seeing came over last night and it felt so good she was here. I honestly gave her a huge hug for like 4 minutes then realized i was getting an erection. I was pretty happy about that however, when we were watching tv i felt just uncomfortable with guys on the TV and i had horrible nightmares. Dr. i mean i never had these urges before in my life to be with a man or think sexual thoughts. I dont feel in two weeks someone can turn homosexual...I feel like ill never be me again. I cant even hang out with my guy friends. Do you honestly feel the right meds and therapy will get me through this... ? Have i been in the closet for 24 years and never knew i mean i just dont believe that. My parents even said to me that if they suspected i was gay at a young age they would of said something but feel this is all in my head. I honestly constantly worry about everything. I feel like i brain washed myself. Any advice id appreciate. Thank you
Im still so messed up. I have been going to therapist for the past 4 weeks now and i explained to her my whole life history and she says none of it relates to me being a homosexual. She said i have a very bad case of OCD and anxiety and need to be put on medicine however, my family Dr has put me on Buspar to help the anxiety and it helps but i still feel like I'm turning gay. I am however going to a DR. on tues for better medication . I think they are putting me on SSRI drugs but my question to you Dr.GrossBart is my whole life i never had the thought or the urge to be with a man. Is it possible you can turn gay out of no where in life? There are days where im like OMG i can t stand the thought of being gay and then there are days i think well maybe it would just be easier to just be a homosexua. However in my heart this isnt what i truley want. My Therapist told me that science has proven more and more you are born a homosexual and if i truley was i would have known growing up. She has also told me that once i get put on Meds I will be a lot better to help balance me out but I am scared that once if i go on these meds I'm still going to be this way. I don't know what else to do. Everyone in my family keeps telling me its my OCD and calm down but its so difficult. I just dont understand how someone can just randomly change to loving women their whole life and result to feeling guys are attractive and I should be with one. I just dont know what to do. I hate this i do. I don't want to feel deep down i should be with a man. I just want to be able to feel for women again. Like the roles have switched. The way i use to feel for women is how i have been feeling towards guys and i cant stand it. My whole life i just always wanted a wife and kids and i just feel it's never going to happen with the doubt that i might be gay! Any advice would be great.
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