I wonder what it would take to find the courage to tell the truth and live with people's reactions, mad, disappointed, but probably no worse than where the lying takes you.
Have you had experiences that have left you feeling that people being mad at you is not just uncomfortable (as it is for everyone) but feels dangerous? If so, are you now much less vulnerable and more able to protect youreself than you were back in that scary time?
Would you be open to getting some therapy around this problem?
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