hi my 89 year old mum has CHF and was diagnosed 10 years ago. she has beeeen forgetfull from time to time over the last 5 years. Over the last 3-4 months she has got worse. My 89 year old dad is with her throughout the day he is not in good health and housebound but can walk about. My sisters x 3 are nearby and they take turns to visit once daily and are currently arranging for a carer mornings and hopefully in the evening for personal care medication etc..................often when i ring mum could be any time of day, she gets all in a muddle and forgetful, then within minutes starts talking sensibly again and says things like "oh what am i talking about I'm geeting all mixed up".............i have rang my sisters who live nearby as has my sis in USA as she was concerned last week, and said i was concerned as she is on her own most of the day and may start to go out of the house and get lost when she is like this (all beit for shortnspells)....I was told not to worry some one would be going round to cook lunch in a couple of hours and because she has heart failure she cannot be given anything for the forgetfullness even if it is border line dementia....................this does not really help me not to worry as she should have someone keeping an eye all day now...when i suggest she nneds some-one to move in or we should start to look at a nursing home quickly just incase (so we have one lined up really that we have checked out) she deteriates, I am met with...WE dont want to put mum in or look at a home..............dont worry she will be fine and lets not look at the worse case scenario we will cross that bridge when and if it happens...has anyone else had this experience...the last thing i want is for mum to go into a home but i am worried she will run away and get lost or something else???
There are specific mobile phones, with only a couple of keys that beside allow to call relatives in sequence (if one does not answer ring the next one), allow with a simple call to the operator or directely on Internet to find the current location of the person.
I think you are smart for thinking ahead; too many screw ups can happen when things are done in a rush; stress can cause people to do stupid things. There is nothing wrong in checking out your options. Having said that, if she is 89 that would mean that all of her daughters are grown women whose children are probably gone. Has anyone even considered bringing her into their own home and taking care of her? When my mother was getting older I moved into the house next door to her and when she came down with terminal cancer, for the last three years of her life, I would go over, help her with anything like cooking or cleaning, taking her to the doctor or to the store. It was the hardest three years of my life: it was also the best as we grew so close to each other. Having worked in several nursing homes, I could never have put her in one, so we spent our time together as mother and daughter.
Thanks so much for reply to my dilema...unfortunately after this..my sisters stopped communicating with me and then dad had a fall ended up in hospital, stopped eating and died 3 months later...wont go into detail it was horrendous...leaving mum without a carer alone at home..2 sisters had to look after her 24/7..her confusion git worse and she never recovered from losing dad...she was taken to a and e one night 4 months after dad passed as she was weezing badly and had not slept due to heart failure for 3 weeks...docs said we should consider a care home now as she will get worse and it was wearing 2 sisters down...mum seemed ok with this..that night after a request from my brother firvsomething to help mum sleep, she was given
haliperidol...this sent her into 5 day mild coma..all organs
started to close down and she had pnumonia....she died peacefully surrounded by all of us 5 days after admitted to a and e....those of us that helped care for dad in his last days and being concerned in the early days of both becoming reliant on help have found things really difficult the last 16 months...I particularly have grieved the most and cannot get the uncaring attitude of some of my sisterscand brother out of my head...I hsve firgiven and tried to forget but I feel sick and a great sense of sadness every time I am around them and they bring up mum and dad....miss them both so much and feel strange and distant from my sisters x
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