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husband's blues after wife's breast reduction
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husband's blues after wife's breast reduction

I'm trying to be as supportive as I can with this, she's had the surgery, I told her before that she's doing this only for herself, not because I had any complaints about her breasts.  I like the new ones ok, but liked the old ones better.  I was suprised at the feelings I have of betrayal, neglect, almost grieving the loss of my favorite part of her body, feelings of depression.  The comments I read from women completely discount the feelings of the men.  I'm now having problems "finishing" the act of sex.  After she is satisfied I just loose interest, I want to finish in my mind but the feeling just isn't there.  I look over at her in normal situations and the fact that she is so much smaller bothers me.  It's been 5 weeks now, we'll keep trying, hoping these feelings go away.  When I ask if there is a support group for husbands of wives with breast reduction, I get told oh it's all about you then? No It's not all about me, but I do have feelings, and they are hurt, and there isn't anybody willing to talk to about them.
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Avatar_f_tn
Many women get breast reduction surgery, not just for cosmetic reasons, but for medical ones. Can you imagine having very large breasts and how much weight that is to carry around? The bra straps on your shoulders are digging in and are painful and red. You begin to have back problems because the weight of the breasts pull you forward. You are lugging around pounds that put extra pressure on your whole body. Think of it this way, try imagining walking around with two large bags of sugar attached to your chest. How do you think that feels? That's not an easy thing to deal with and you should be happy for your wife now that she has a better life, free of the pain and discomfort. Don't you want your wife to feel good physically? This is just something to really think about. Your wife did not lose her breasts(many women do from breast cancer or other medical problems), they are still there, so that is something to think of as well.

This is a change for you and your wife, so try to give it all some time. She has to get used to her new body and so do you. Though why not focus on who your wife is and how much better off she is now, than focusing on an old feeling of pleasure for you that in the past caused your wife pain.
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Avatar_m_tn
I completely understand where you're coming from.  I'm still having difficulty looking at what she so proudly shows off. Irrespective of the medical benefits of reduced weight, I think a lot of it for my wife was "fixing" her aestetic and while she's happy with the results its still very difficult for me to process and look at. I liked the large breast when we first met and thought she looked great even after 3 kids and 14 yrs of marriage. I think sweetpea can talk a lot of platitudes and while its true that one needs to get used to it I'm concerned how long that will take. The hard part is trying to be supportive, while hiding how disturbing the the look and feel are.
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168348_tn?1379360675
I happened upon this thread and was wondering how both husbands are doing now that a few months have gone by?
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Avatar_m_tn
Wow, I can't believe no body talks about this. There is no way a husband or wife can alter their body and then say it is only their business. Imagine a wife who is only attracted to tall men. One day her husband comes home and say,"Being 6'5" makes me feel socially awkward and people always stare at me. Clothes never fit right and they are hard to find. I'm reducing my height to 5'6" so I can live a better life." Post-op the wife would not feel as attracted to the husband and many "height fixated" women would file for a divorce. Somehow, men who are attracted to large breasts are villianize, but it is a common and natural thing among men. Unless a wife is in pain and everything else has been attempted to help, I think wives are wrong to get reductions. Why would a wife want to make herself less atrractive to her husband? Totally selfish.
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Avatar_f_tn
What is selfish, is to compare height with breasts... Compleatly obsurd! Breasts cause PAIN! I carry around pounds and pounds and pounds on my petite little shoulders... My husband is very supportive of my reduction though he loves my size H extremely saggy blobs of postpardum disgustingness. i dont get it, but he does... I happened upon this site because i was looking for ways for us BOTH to heal post reduction... How naive to assume reductions are a selfish thing to do. I am 5'5" 138lbs. 15+ lbs of that boob. I am a 32 H and any woman would understand 32 means i am tiny... TINY. With these big things i lug around causing me to not be able to run, excersize, be modest and I have to hand alter all my shirts with carpultunnel... buy my bras overseas because American chains do not make my size and if they do they are uglier than a hairless dog in a sweater... I have nerve damage due to the weight and am developing a hump back and my posture is causing not just upper back pain but pain that shoots down both legs... i can not wear a wireless ra and cant sleep without having my breath cut off. i have broken blood vessels where the wire is in constant contact with my chest and underarms... I am getting this paid for by my insurence because it is medically necessary! I am appauled that men can be so simple minded to think that its okay to even post this... jeez, your wife is no longer suffering and rather than be happy for her your being a whiney baby all about the past... get over it! -Rose
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Avatar_m_tn
I realize that many women get reductions for medical reasons and that is understandable. Just saying that having empathy for husbands and boyfriends who find large breasts aestheticly pleasing should not be seen as completely unimportant. You mentioned that you don't understand finding large breasts attractive so I assume you have not empathy at all. But it is hard to experience the women love become suddenly different and less attractive even if you know it is to relieve her pain. I still believe breast reduction and height reduction are close aesthetic equivalents in a gender sense.
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Avatar_m_tn
What is selfish is the way this surgery screws up more relationships than lives it betters. When a man is attracted to a woman that is a good thing. How can you possibly fault an individual for being attracted to you. If he likes your breasts that is a great thing. The doctors tell you how out of proportion you are and they can reduce the size back to a more normal size. Let's step back a second and think about what is actually going on here. A strange individual takes a small sharp knife and cuts large pieces of breast tissue from those very glands that define you as a woman. He then pulls what is left back together staples it and stitches what he can back together to form some resemblance of a breast. In my wines case the nipples look like they were cut with a small cookie cutter, she is scarred from armpit to armpit, half of each breast has ended up as bags under each armpit and the doctor took well over two thirds of each breast. Now she looks normal I guess. Sure they are smaller but very ugly.  I can only speak for myself but this surgery was a complete disaster for our marriage.
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Avatar_m_tn
What is selfish is the way this surgery screws up more relationships than lives it betters. When a man is attracted to a woman that is a good thing. How can you possibly fault an individual for being attracted to you. If he likes your breasts that is a great thing. The doctors tell you how out of proportion you are and they can reduce the size back to a more normal size. Let's step back a second and think about what is actually going on here. A strange individual takes a small sharp knife and cuts large pieces of breast tissue from those very glands that define you as a woman. He then pulls what is left back together staples it and stitches what he can back together to form some resemblance of a breast. In my wines case the nipples look like they were cut with a small cookie cutter, she is scarred from armpit to armpit, half of each breast has ended up as bags under each armpit and the doctor took well over two thirds of each breast. Now she looks normal I guess. Sure they are smaller but very ugly.  I can only speak for myself but this surgery was a complete disaster for our marriage.
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