Aa
Concern. Help me
Okay as bad as this sounds I realize its common. Its stressing me out to the point where I am not able to enjoy my pregnancy and I know thats not safe for my baby. I had sex with my bestfriend on april 27th 2013 and a one night stand on may 21st, 2013. I am really hoping the baby is from april 27th but I am not sure. I dont know my last missed period. I had an ultrasound on June 27th 2013 and it showed I was 7 weeks 4 days and the baby measured 1.24 cm. My due date is feb 9, 2014. can someone PLEASE HELP ME. pregnancy calendars show I conceived around may 20th which leads me to believe it's the one night stand's. However I would of only been 5 weeks pregnant at my ultrasound.
Best Answer
COMMUNITY LEADER
I'm glad everything is clarified. Please do yourself one favor in all of this, please don't sleep with your best friend any more. If you were just doing it casually, that would possibly be one thing, but you're really kind of more doing it because you have a crush, and maybe he doesn't know you have a crush but if he does and does not reciprocate, he is being just a little bit of a user. It's not a good dynamic if you are both saying it is simply friendship.
Just left the doctor. 8 weeks 4 days! You were def right on target with things. Hearing it from him just confirmed it. Was nice to have a headsup on the questions to ask & the outcome i knew was coming. Off to tell the bestfriend he is off the hook, the crazy one he isnt & worst of all the parents.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, good luck! A talk with your doctor will help too, I am sure. You could perhaps even ask him to write you a note that says when you most likely conceived, so you can show it to Mr. Stud. (He should know who your doctor is, you really want to be as forthcoming as you can with him. I say this because guys sometimes write in to MedHelp and their girlfriend has told them she is pregnant but won't tell the name of her doctor or let him come to an appointment to ask questions. Naturally, this makes them very suspicious of the story the girlfriend is telling. You'll forestall so many annoying moments with him if he believes you from the outset.)
Great advice. Ultrasound in the morning. Wish me luck. I have a lot on my to do list. Trying to wrap my head around things. I appreciate you taking time out of your life to chat with me. It helped a lot. God Bless You. I will stay in touch to let you know how things turn out tomorrow and afterwards as well.
Thanks
SaraJoe.
Thanks
SaraJoe.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Be sure when you tell the guy, that you give him a good explanation of what the ultrasound meant. A 40-week gestational age breaks up as two weeks from the first day of your period to ovulation, and then 38 weeks to a due date, and if an ultrasonographer says "x weeks pregnant" to you, they mean x weeks GA. Show him how this works on a calendar. It's going to be a lot for him to take in, and probably the more seriously you express that you wish this was not so, the better he will understand that you're not wrong or fibbing.
yep the only times were april 27th and may 21 along with the bestfriend again june 8th but we all know that is way too soon for anything. Other than those dates no other times in between. After another ultrasound tomorrow I plan on telling him and my parents as well. They wont be happy, prayers please :)
& yes you are right I would not want to be lead on at all. I just dreamt of the perfect family for so long to realize life is messy if your not careful. You always think "it would never happen to me" until it does. The "pull out method" I am no longer a believer. From no on codems and birth control will def be used and I will try and educate others as well so my mistake doesn't become theirs as well
& yes you are right I would not want to be lead on at all. I just dreamt of the perfect family for so long to realize life is messy if your not careful. You always think "it would never happen to me" until it does. The "pull out method" I am no longer a believer. From no on codems and birth control will def be used and I will try and educate others as well so my mistake doesn't become theirs as well
yep the only times were april 27th and may 21 along with the bestfriend again june 8th but we all know that is way too soon for anything. Other than those dates no other times in between. After another ultrasound tomorrow I plan on telling him and my parents as well. They wont be happy, prayers please :)
COMMUNITY LEADER
Honey, you're better off with a guy who is disinterested from the first than one who thinks he might be interested and leads you on a while, and then flakes out. (Which happens ALL THE TIME according to the girls on the pregnancy forums. Dear boyfriend takes a powder.) At least you know what you are dealing with. And you're right, a DNA test has a wonderfully clarifying effect on insulting remarks that the baby is not his.
Get yourself a good lawyer and all necessary legal docs ready, by about your 7th month, to force a paternity test, so the guy knows you are not kidding around. (This is known as speaking softly but carrying a big stick.)
Incidentally, when you tell him that the likelihood is irrefutable, give him something written down with the dates of April 27 and May 21. Tell him you had sex only times in that time period and none since (if that is so -- the more months you can truthfully tell him you didn't have sex, the less likely he'll call you a name.) Tell him that you really, really regret that the two of you did not use protection. That words can't express your regret that he, and not someone you care about more, fathered your child. [This will allay his fears that somehow you wanted a relationship with him. Yuck on him.] Tell him that despite this beginning, and the fact that you were not trying to get pregnant, you are going to be happy to have a child, and that you will be getting the legal paperwork together to do a proper DNA test when the baby is born, at a certified lab. (The more matter of fact this sounds, the more convincing it will be to him.) Ask him to be prepared to fill out a medical history when the DNA test confirms all, since you want your child to have complete medical records. Tell him you will be filing for child support. Ask if he thinks his parents will want to know the child. Then take your leave, since he is going to be pretty gob-smacked by what you are telling him and there won't be a lot of point in hanging around for him to resist the news or insult you.
Get yourself a good lawyer and all necessary legal docs ready, by about your 7th month, to force a paternity test, so the guy knows you are not kidding around. (This is known as speaking softly but carrying a big stick.)
Incidentally, when you tell him that the likelihood is irrefutable, give him something written down with the dates of April 27 and May 21. Tell him you had sex only times in that time period and none since (if that is so -- the more months you can truthfully tell him you didn't have sex, the less likely he'll call you a name.) Tell him that you really, really regret that the two of you did not use protection. That words can't express your regret that he, and not someone you care about more, fathered your child. [This will allay his fears that somehow you wanted a relationship with him. Yuck on him.] Tell him that despite this beginning, and the fact that you were not trying to get pregnant, you are going to be happy to have a child, and that you will be getting the legal paperwork together to do a proper DNA test when the baby is born, at a certified lab. (The more matter of fact this sounds, the more convincing it will be to him.) Ask him to be prepared to fill out a medical history when the DNA test confirms all, since you want your child to have complete medical records. Tell him you will be filing for child support. Ask if he thinks his parents will want to know the child. Then take your leave, since he is going to be pretty gob-smacked by what you are telling him and there won't be a lot of point in hanging around for him to resist the news or insult you.
yes yes. I do know who he is and where he is.....is he father type. NOT AT ALL. Very disappointed in myself. When I tell him, I know he will say it's not mine blah blah blah BUT I guess Feb 9th he will have a rude awakening.
COMMUNITY LEADER
One way that works pretty well with parents, is to do the work on the last item on my list (I see that I did two item 3's, so it is the fifth item though I labelled it as item 4 -- that's the trouble with scrolling), first, before telling your parents. In other words, "Mom, Dad, I'm pregnant, I don't have any reason to think the dad will be involved. Here is what I've set up and decided. My apartment is good for now and will work until the child is older, my job is secure and there is good parental leave, I've talked to Kindercare and they take babies 6 weeks and up, my budget is as follows: x rent y food z daycare (etc.) and my job covers it, my boss has promised me my job back after parental leave," and so on. While your parents will doubtless, along with you, have regret you are not doing this in the traditional way, they will be pleased to hear that you don't sound unrealistic and you have your act together, and they'll be excited at an upcoming grandchild.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, you really don't need to give them the gory details. You can say it was a guy you were seeing every now and again, and things just got unexpected once. That's glossing it a little bit, but they won't want to hear the rest of it (and they don't even need that much, except they should be warned that this will probably not be a doting guy that shows up with rattles and baby toys). I assume you know the guy well enough to at least know who he is and where he is? After your doctor appointment, you should get in touch with him to give him a head's up about what is happening.
Thanks for the list, im sure i'll be reading it over and over again. I think you nailed me right on the head. I have another appointment in the morning for another ultrasound and about a million questions for the doc that I was to shy to ask the first time I went. As for my parents they are very strict, they love bestfriend as much as they do me, and I know they would come around. How im suppose to break it to them that I had a little too much fun another night. I HAVE NO IDEA. Whats done is done, I guess.
COMMUNITY LEADER
... Although even by your 38th week, an ultrasound will still not confuse a baby conceived in May for one conceived in April. The timing is just too far apart for the ultrasonographer to mistake the embryo's size. At week 7, ultrasounds are often precise to the day. By the 12th week, it could be plus or minus 5 or 6 days. By the end of pregnancy, plus or minus two weeks.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh, sorry, I was typing when you sent that last question. If you want to have another ultrasound to check on the last one, get it right away. The further from the first day of your last period an ultrasound is, the less accurate it is for determining conception, because babies all start out at one cell but then grow at different rates.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, sarajoe, your dates are so far apart and your ultrasound is so unequivocal that there really is no doubt. No ultrasonographer in the world would mistake a child conceived in one month for a child conceived in the next month.
A few technical things to think of once you can wrap your head around this all -- (they'll make you wince right now, but you need to have them on your wavelength so you can avoid subsequent problems) follow.
1. You will need medical information from the one-night stand for your child's records, and his other information in order to file for child support when the time comes, if you intend to file for child support from him. He will undoubtedly expect a DNA test, which of course will have to be done at a lab certified by the courts for determining paternity, and you had better go along to witness when he gives his sample so you know he is not somehow getting a buddy to go for him. (Incidentally, emotions are different than logic ... be prepared that the day you get the DNA test results might be the day that you fully give up, in your heart, the hope that your friend that you have the crush on is really the dad.) Don't blow off the notion of child support too readily, money matters when you have a child.
2. Being a single mother is not for the faint of heart. But don't let your fears of going it alone make you jump in with the next guy who looks like he might take on a woman with a child -- pick a new partner with the same discrimination that you would pick if you were not pregnant, or even with more discrimination and caution. (I REALLY hate to say it, but you should be aware there are guys who prey on women with kids because they want to molest the kids. Be wary of someone who looks too good to be true, more than you would be when it's just you.)
3. Your hopes for the best friend on who you have a little crush -- please don't let yourself fall into the trap of convincing yourself that if he had been the dad, everything would be much more wonderful than if the other guy is the dad. Pregnancy is a great way to make a good friendship disappear. Only in cute Hollywood stories does a pregnancy make a man who didn't want to be your boyfriend or husband before, into a man who now wants to be your boyfriend or husband. Though husbands are often happy to have a child, it doesn't work in reverse, producing a child will not make a relationship that was not quite where you wanted it to be into one where everything is where you want it to be. No man wants to be forced into parenthood, and no man would appreciate a woman choosing to keep a baby of his as a backhanded way of trying to force him into a more committed relationship. Play it loose and non-demanding with him, and handle your pregnancy with rationality and aplomb, and maybe (just maybe) he might some day realize you're all that. But if he doesn't, he doesn't, and the more accepting you are of that chance, the better you will do with him over time.
3. When someone writes in who is totally desperate about being pregnant, it usually transmits in their tone that they have no resources -- no job, training, schooling, money, apartment, family support system, etc. To those people, despite their love for the baby to come, I do remind that adoption is available. (Not just available, but adoption agencies and prospective parents will run after them because there are so few babies being born to clean-cut, non drug-using women today.) You don't sound like this. You sound like someone who doesn't have the existential worries (i.e., where do I live and get money for food). It sounds like you are more in the category that you thought you would only be bringing a child into the world when you were married and in the house with the white picket fence. Having to adjust your expectations can be very mind-blowing, but please never confuse it with somehow being evidence that you lack the capability to do it. I'm sure you have the capability. You just need to line up your resources and make your plans.
4. Resources and plans -- you'll need to line up and think about: day care while you are working, health insurance for you and the baby, life insurance on you to cover the baby's care if you were taken out in a disaster, whether your living situation is adequate, where the mothers groups are (moral support! believe me, those other new moms will be your lifeline), where your mother and father will be in all of this and how much they can be asked to help especially with baby care (some parents, naah, some parents, yeah), and you'll need to make a will that designates your child's guardian if something should happen to you. (Just naming someone the godparent will not do anything, it needs to be legally laid out.) You'll need a bestie to go to appointments with (preferable a girl bestie, not your crush bestie), and you'll need an understanding boss.
I hope this is not too overwhelming sounding. Make checklists and knock things off one by one; it is do-able. Good luck, sara. I think you aren't in a bad spot even if it is different than what you expected.
A few technical things to think of once you can wrap your head around this all -- (they'll make you wince right now, but you need to have them on your wavelength so you can avoid subsequent problems) follow.
1. You will need medical information from the one-night stand for your child's records, and his other information in order to file for child support when the time comes, if you intend to file for child support from him. He will undoubtedly expect a DNA test, which of course will have to be done at a lab certified by the courts for determining paternity, and you had better go along to witness when he gives his sample so you know he is not somehow getting a buddy to go for him. (Incidentally, emotions are different than logic ... be prepared that the day you get the DNA test results might be the day that you fully give up, in your heart, the hope that your friend that you have the crush on is really the dad.) Don't blow off the notion of child support too readily, money matters when you have a child.
2. Being a single mother is not for the faint of heart. But don't let your fears of going it alone make you jump in with the next guy who looks like he might take on a woman with a child -- pick a new partner with the same discrimination that you would pick if you were not pregnant, or even with more discrimination and caution. (I REALLY hate to say it, but you should be aware there are guys who prey on women with kids because they want to molest the kids. Be wary of someone who looks too good to be true, more than you would be when it's just you.)
3. Your hopes for the best friend on who you have a little crush -- please don't let yourself fall into the trap of convincing yourself that if he had been the dad, everything would be much more wonderful than if the other guy is the dad. Pregnancy is a great way to make a good friendship disappear. Only in cute Hollywood stories does a pregnancy make a man who didn't want to be your boyfriend or husband before, into a man who now wants to be your boyfriend or husband. Though husbands are often happy to have a child, it doesn't work in reverse, producing a child will not make a relationship that was not quite where you wanted it to be into one where everything is where you want it to be. No man wants to be forced into parenthood, and no man would appreciate a woman choosing to keep a baby of his as a backhanded way of trying to force him into a more committed relationship. Play it loose and non-demanding with him, and handle your pregnancy with rationality and aplomb, and maybe (just maybe) he might some day realize you're all that. But if he doesn't, he doesn't, and the more accepting you are of that chance, the better you will do with him over time.
3. When someone writes in who is totally desperate about being pregnant, it usually transmits in their tone that they have no resources -- no job, training, schooling, money, apartment, family support system, etc. To those people, despite their love for the baby to come, I do remind that adoption is available. (Not just available, but adoption agencies and prospective parents will run after them because there are so few babies being born to clean-cut, non drug-using women today.) You don't sound like this. You sound like someone who doesn't have the existential worries (i.e., where do I live and get money for food). It sounds like you are more in the category that you thought you would only be bringing a child into the world when you were married and in the house with the white picket fence. Having to adjust your expectations can be very mind-blowing, but please never confuse it with somehow being evidence that you lack the capability to do it. I'm sure you have the capability. You just need to line up your resources and make your plans.
4. Resources and plans -- you'll need to line up and think about: day care while you are working, health insurance for you and the baby, life insurance on you to cover the baby's care if you were taken out in a disaster, whether your living situation is adequate, where the mothers groups are (moral support! believe me, those other new moms will be your lifeline), where your mother and father will be in all of this and how much they can be asked to help especially with baby care (some parents, naah, some parents, yeah), and you'll need to make a will that designates your child's guardian if something should happen to you. (Just naming someone the godparent will not do anything, it needs to be legally laid out.) You'll need a bestie to go to appointments with (preferable a girl bestie, not your crush bestie), and you'll need an understanding boss.
I hope this is not too overwhelming sounding. Make checklists and knock things off one by one; it is do-able. Good luck, sara. I think you aren't in a bad spot even if it is different than what you expected.
How often do you go to the next ultrasound to realize they had the duedate wrong?
When I had my blood test they said I was any where from 8-12 weeks. I was sooo hopeful. Still have not yet come to terms. Don't see how in the heck im suppose to raise a kid on my own, always pictured the dad around. You never think it can happen to you.....until it does.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ah, I just checked. Yours are two weeks apart (a little more depending on which event it was), which is enough to judge pretty safely if you had an early ultrasound. Did you ever get another ultrasound after the one where they said you might be 4 weeks along?
COMMUNITY LEADER
The difference between where you find yourself and sarajoe finds herself is that her dates are a month apart, and yours are something like a week and a half, if I remember.
I was in a similar prediciment & mine was guy one for quite awhile, but it can still change. we are one hundred percent its guy two now!!! good luck.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Thanks. And I will add, as someone who has coped with infertility for years, there are worse things than having a baby from a 'sperm donor.' During my fertility journeys, I would have been thrilled to have gotten pregnant no matter how it happened. Don't cry, you are getting the greatest gift in the world.
A.
A.
Yes I did the whole STD check. I regret it like crazy. It would just be so much easier being the bestfriend, I have always had a small crush on him. I def agree the doctors should make it more clear. I could see how many fights can occur with such a thing, im sure many people do not understand how that works. Its been a hard day, full of naps and tears, but life will go on. Thanks for the help it was nice of you to reach out, haven't told anyone around my part yet and don't know when or how I will. I hope your fourth of july is wonderful.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Anything medical will use gestational age (GA), which begins at Day 1 of your period. A doctor, a nurse, the ultrasonographer, medical textbooks, research, all go from that start point, since in the old days (before ultrasounds) that was the only obvious signal there was, to start the clock for pregnancy. It does not mean your doctor thinks you were pregnant on day 1 of bleeding, it is just the dating convention they use. Unless you ask the doctor, "8 weeks pregnant? Then when would I have conceived?" you will get a date that uses GA from your doc. I wish doctors were more aware that women did not automatically understand this, because it can lead to horrible fights among couples to be told "You're 8 weeks pregnant" when the guy knows he came back from deployment only 6 weeks ago or whatever.
I was only half kidding when I said you might have better luck with your best friend staying your best friend if he does not also have to add sudden and unexpected fatherhood to the mix. He might be a good friend to you throughout the pregnancy and be very excited for you when the baby is born, since there is no pressure on him.
btw, since the sex with the one-night stand was unprotected, did you get checked for STDs? It's never a bad idea.
Anyway, congratulations! You're going to be a mom!
Annie
I was only half kidding when I said you might have better luck with your best friend staying your best friend if he does not also have to add sudden and unexpected fatherhood to the mix. He might be a good friend to you throughout the pregnancy and be very excited for you when the baby is born, since there is no pressure on him.
btw, since the sex with the one-night stand was unprotected, did you get checked for STDs? It's never a bad idea.
Anyway, congratulations! You're going to be a mom!
Annie
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the DNA / Paternity Community
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.
An ultrasound measures the embryo and assesses it. The part that is helpful for dating (when it is an early ultrasound) is that based on standard measurements of embryo size, it will count forward 38 weeks to an estimated due date, and backwards 2 weeks to an estimated first day of your last menstrual period. (Which gives you a 40-week gestational age.) The count for gestational age starts on Day 1 of your period. When a doctor says "7 weeks 4 days pregnant," he or she is saying about 5 weeks 4 days from the date of conception.
The conception calculator I use says the following for your due date of February 9.
Assumed first day of last menstrual period: May 5
Probable date of ovulation: May 19
Conception window: May 15 to 23
Due date: February 9, 2014 (40 weeks)
As you can see, there is no mention of April at all, not even late in April. If April 27 is the only time you had sex with your best friend, there is no way it is his baby. If the one-night stand was the only time you had sex in May, he is the dad.