Aa
DNA TEST.
So it's been 5weeks now since I've done had my babygirl. She's a month old (&)1week. And at my last doctor's appt I asked my doctor if i could still get a DNA TEST done Nd he said when I go in the hospital to request one so when the night I went in I did requested one but they told me that they didn't do them,that i would have to ask my baby's pediatrician in the hospital! And he told me ibwoukd need to find a lab but I would have to pay. But me or her dad don't have the money to afford. So me as a mother is wondering could i get a court ordered DNA TEST done because i really wanna know if her dad is really her father!!Cause at the hospital they didn't even let him sign the Birth Certificate until we was 100% sure!! (&) not even that I have another problem since she's been born he's been acting like hes the father,going to her appts,buying her a few things,but it's like when I try (&) get him to come see her he don't wanna come spend her not even on his days off work!! Every chance he gets he don't even spend time with her I've been doing everything since she's been born (&( she's both our first child. I'm 20. He's 23 (&) we're also not together just Co-parenting. But if you been around this long (&) you think she's yours than you step up (&( take care of ur Responsibility's. That's why I want a DNA TEST CMcause if he is ther REAL father I wanna put him on Child SUPPORT!!!! IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE (&) TO TAKE CARE OF A CHILD. #AdvicePlz :)
And I'm still go look into the DNA TEST thing just be sure or not. But yeah idk think putting him on Child Support wouldn't change nothing since he is providing for her and at least he's somewhat still in the picture like you said most men just up (&) leave when their kids are born but he didn't!! So yeah I'm not gonna stress or pressure him to come see her I'll just leave that up to him...I just want the truth! And than I'll feel better
COMMUNITY LEADER
Try not to worry, like I said, some men just don't 'get' little babies but they still like their kids. A baby at 5 weeks is not going to care if she sees her father or not, you care if he sees her, but the baby is not being hurt by this at this time. He might also be worried about dealing with you feeling hurt on your own behalf rather than the child's.
Thank you (&) thanks for writing me back. I'm sorry I'm just now seeing but now that you've done told me what i needed to hear (&( do I will look into it and find out what akk needs to be done. Cause where you said what if something happens to him but also me too! Cause let's just say of he really is the father (&) something was to happen to me the court would of course let her live with her daddy and if something was to happen to him than she would go to my or his family! So yeah I understand completely what you are saying. I just wanna be sure it is his (&) not my Ex which she looks NOTHING like him. And yeah he hasn't brought up nothing bout a test since we were at the hospital. And yeah he provides for her buys her diapers clothes etc. I just wish he would spend more time with her ughh it worries me (&) hurts me! I feel like he's gonna give up ON her. Like today he told the reason why he hasn't been coming around cause he's now homeless. Idk whether to take that as a lie or the truth. Cause he's done came up with sooo many excuses!!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Mylil, the thing to know is that even if a court orders a DNA test to prove paternity, it is not that the court pays for it. They will probably order him to pay for it.
A lot of guys don't really get into their kids until they begin to talk. He might be one of those. There is not a lot of fun for that kind of guy in coming to hang around a newborn infant. A person either has it for cooing at babies and holding them, or simply does not. For many men, a baby at that age is just boring. Especially since he is buying some things for the baby, this disinterest doesn't mean he is not going to step up as a daddy in the future. He also might be afraid that if he does come spend time with you and the baby, you will hit him with a pent-up list of all the things you want or need from him, and he doesn't want to have to deal with that.
In your shoes, I would try to get paternity legally established as soon as possible. Of course you would need to if you were going to file for child support, but it just generally has ramifications anyway. What if he were to die, how would you prove then that the baby is his heir? What if his family is not actually certain this baby is their grandson or nephew, and then when it was certain, they came around more? etc. There are a lot of good reasons to get everything square legally that don't have anything to do with a court fight over child support.
Also, since he is not arguing with you that he is not the father, I wouldn't waste any money on the drugstore DNA tests. The drugstore tests are not approved by the courts for legally determining paternity. For a legal determination, you would need to go to a lab certified by the courts for this purpose. I am sure the judge's clerk in a family-law court could give you a list of labs. You could at least call and find out how much it would cost; I've heard anywhere from $150 to $300, but I get reports from all over the country.
If your boyfriend is not complaining that he wants a DNA test and is buying things for the baby, it sounds like he is sure the baby is his. This is a good thing ... so many women write in here who have the opposite problem -- they have been faithful and their boyfriend doesn't believe them and is demanding the test. This is why some of the posters are saying to be grateful for what you have. But there are reasons to get the test, and getting it does not mean you would have to file for child support if you think it would make things worse than they are now.
A lot of guys don't really get into their kids until they begin to talk. He might be one of those. There is not a lot of fun for that kind of guy in coming to hang around a newborn infant. A person either has it for cooing at babies and holding them, or simply does not. For many men, a baby at that age is just boring. Especially since he is buying some things for the baby, this disinterest doesn't mean he is not going to step up as a daddy in the future. He also might be afraid that if he does come spend time with you and the baby, you will hit him with a pent-up list of all the things you want or need from him, and he doesn't want to have to deal with that.
In your shoes, I would try to get paternity legally established as soon as possible. Of course you would need to if you were going to file for child support, but it just generally has ramifications anyway. What if he were to die, how would you prove then that the baby is his heir? What if his family is not actually certain this baby is their grandson or nephew, and then when it was certain, they came around more? etc. There are a lot of good reasons to get everything square legally that don't have anything to do with a court fight over child support.
Also, since he is not arguing with you that he is not the father, I wouldn't waste any money on the drugstore DNA tests. The drugstore tests are not approved by the courts for legally determining paternity. For a legal determination, you would need to go to a lab certified by the courts for this purpose. I am sure the judge's clerk in a family-law court could give you a list of labs. You could at least call and find out how much it would cost; I've heard anywhere from $150 to $300, but I get reports from all over the country.
If your boyfriend is not complaining that he wants a DNA test and is buying things for the baby, it sounds like he is sure the baby is his. This is a good thing ... so many women write in here who have the opposite problem -- they have been faithful and their boyfriend doesn't believe them and is demanding the test. This is why some of the posters are saying to be grateful for what you have. But there are reasons to get the test, and getting it does not mean you would have to file for child support if you think it would make things worse than they are now.
Do those tests really work?? I heard going to a lab is much more aaccurate. But cost more
I'm glad you understand we weren't being mean. Just forward. Sometimes strangers can give you the best advice, due to your friends wouldn't want to hurt your feelings or you to take it the wrong way. But were all pregnant or already have children and can see where you're coming from. But just try taking our advice, child support wouldn't help in the long run if he's already providing
Idk? I just want what's bet for my child cause we both know how it is growing up without a daddy figure so that's why ion even know why he's doing this to her. Cause you can buy her child any thing in the world but if you don't take up time (&) spend time with ur child than that don't overcome him providing for her!!
You ain't hurting my feelings lol and yes i understand all you ladies, didn't have to be
so harsh but no need to sugarcoat right?? :) And of course I knew what type of guy he was...He was good to me ,faithful, etc until now! Guess guys show their true colors after all.
so harsh but no need to sugarcoat right?? :) And of course I knew what type of guy he was...He was good to me ,faithful, etc until now! Guess guys show their true colors after all.
At the end of the day, if you do put him on child support(which isnt really fair if hes already providing, but IF YOU DO, child support will order a DNA test anyways due to the fact that he is not on the birth certificate.
Thanks ..lucyloop ;) ...i hope she understands that we are not being mean..just speaking the truth..some men dont want to do for there child AT ALL
I agree with shy. Its not fair for you to put him on child support if he's still providing. Because you want him to spend time with you guys? What makes you think putting him on child support will change him? It'll be the same, him still providing and not spending time. You knew what kind of guy he was before having your baby, so why act like that? Just be the mother you are, let him provide. And if he don't want to spend time then that's his lost not yours
Wow...u just said he buys her things BUT JUST DONT WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH HER....AT LEAST HE IS DOING SOMETHING AND IF U PUT HIM ON CHILD SUPPORT. ..IT WILL BE THE SAME...YOU WILL JUST GET THE MONEY TO BUY HER THINGS...i really think your not giving him a chance...people have to learn with there first child
Ohh he knows this baby is his...cause since he ain't even mentioned about a DNA TEST (&) yet he's still is buying her stuff!!! And somewhat still doing for her . I'm the one who wants to get the DNA TEST. Cause I feel like it's the right thing to do while my child is young!
You can go through job and family services but they will make him pay child support. You can try your health department. My local health department will do free as long as there younger than 3 months.
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