Aa
I'm in a rough situation.
I found out I was pregnant late on, after I started to redate an ex from the past. We are still together now. We were apart for awhile and I was with someone only one time during our year apart. We started dating the beginning of March and had sex on the 7th of March and since then using pullout method. I was with the person before him on the 20th of Feb. and the 27th.
I have irregular cycles and I had a little bleeding so I didn't bother to take a pregnancy test until mid June when my bf told me I should because I didn't think I would be pregnant. Turned out I was, because of the bleeding I thought I had a period so I naturally assumed it was my bfs who I had been with the past 4 months, I didn't really have any clear signs of pregnancy. So we had my first ultrasound and I was shocked to be told I was 17 weeks already which put me as getting pregnant right around when we got back together.
From that US my due date was set at Nov. 29th.
My baby was born at 6lbs 3ounces (which I thought was small because we are both taller and average sized). I started having contractions at midnight on Dec. 1st and had the baby around 6 am on Dec. 2nd.
Trouble is I never could break it to my bf that there is a possibility.. I just couldn't because he was so excited and I felt so ashamed. Plus I didn't want him to not talk to me and miss out on the birth and expirence if it is his baby.
I bought a test from identigene and told him I want to do it just so he never has to wonder since I got pregnant right when we were together. Almost problematic part is I live in NY, and for whatever reason they don't allow home tests, meaning I'd have to go to a doctor or get a lawyer and make it some huge embarrassing process. So I am going to try to purchase a prepaid visa to pay for the lab fee and then send it to my close cousins in Texas to mail it for me since I can't from NY or they won't accept it. I wanted to do DDC but I couldn't without spending around $500 and going to a lawyer/doctor.
Do you think there is a strong chance it's my bf, Ive been feeling horrible ever since my very first ultrasound I just don't want to break his heart.
Also I bought this test and I will obviously be with him while he swabs and we will make sure everything is done 100% properly, so that should make the test reliable right?
I have irregular cycles and I had a little bleeding so I didn't bother to take a pregnancy test until mid June when my bf told me I should because I didn't think I would be pregnant. Turned out I was, because of the bleeding I thought I had a period so I naturally assumed it was my bfs who I had been with the past 4 months, I didn't really have any clear signs of pregnancy. So we had my first ultrasound and I was shocked to be told I was 17 weeks already which put me as getting pregnant right around when we got back together.
From that US my due date was set at Nov. 29th.
My baby was born at 6lbs 3ounces (which I thought was small because we are both taller and average sized). I started having contractions at midnight on Dec. 1st and had the baby around 6 am on Dec. 2nd.
Trouble is I never could break it to my bf that there is a possibility.. I just couldn't because he was so excited and I felt so ashamed. Plus I didn't want him to not talk to me and miss out on the birth and expirence if it is his baby.
I bought a test from identigene and told him I want to do it just so he never has to wonder since I got pregnant right when we were together. Almost problematic part is I live in NY, and for whatever reason they don't allow home tests, meaning I'd have to go to a doctor or get a lawyer and make it some huge embarrassing process. So I am going to try to purchase a prepaid visa to pay for the lab fee and then send it to my close cousins in Texas to mail it for me since I can't from NY or they won't accept it. I wanted to do DDC but I couldn't without spending around $500 and going to a lawyer/doctor.
Do you think there is a strong chance it's my bf, Ive been feeling horrible ever since my very first ultrasound I just don't want to break his heart.
Also I bought this test and I will obviously be with him while he swabs and we will make sure everything is done 100% properly, so that should make the test reliable right?
I meant only one person my fault for putting one time. I was with the other guy feb20th and 27th and then my bf March 7th and beyond. With the first guy he started without a condom both times but put one on like 2 minutes in. My bf used pullout
3 Comments
If it did result from the 27th with worst case scenario thinking.. like if the sperm lived for 5 full days then I still would have had the baby 8 days late. I have heard that mainly when a women goes a week over her due date that it was generally because of a miscalculation and not that she was technically that late. Is that accurate? Plus because the baby was only a little over 6 lbs so you think that is likely?
Sweetie, do the test. I would vote for the sex on March 7, partly because the baby does not seem overdue, but really only the test is going to keep you from stressing over this.
Hi, Mickie, have you tested yet?
Hi! Home DNA test providers like Identigene and DDC are fully accredited labs and their results can be trusted. In cases where results are different when the test is witnessed vs. when DNA collection is done at home, it's usually because a participant swabbed someone else for the home test and submitted those samples as their own and that's fraud. So if you ever think you need results for court (child support/custody), you should do a legal witnessed test. Identigene and DDC both provide legal tests as well as home tests and results are accepted in any court. You're right about NY...their regulations only allow for a legal test and not a home test. You're going to have to pay extra for a legal test anyway, so you might as well do it in New York.
2 Comments
Hi, Carolyn, you are correct in saying that the biggest reason DNA home testing can fail is that there can be user error or fraud with the swabs.
But your blanket statement has to be further qualified, I think. For one thing, accreditation and accuracy rates are two different things.
There was a lab that advertised home DNA testing heavily on the Internet. It fit your definition, it was a "home DNA testing lab," and it was a "fully accredited lab" in the country where it was situated. And because its price was much lower than top labs like Ravgen and the DDC, people trying to save money on the cost of DNA testing flocked to it. But being a fully accredited lab didn't make it an accurate lab. For one thing, it only assessed about 8 chromosome pairs, meaning the results were often inaccurate, and that was if the couple actually received their results. It gained notoriety for frequently losing people's samples or never sending them their results. In other words, being "fully accredited" did not equal "their results can be trusted."
The really unfortunate part of it is that if a woman is in this situation, she often only gets one chance from her angry or doubting boyfriend to do a DNA test. She deserves better than simply that a lab is accredited, she deserves a test result that is correct.
One woman on this forum went through pure hell having to sue her ex to make him take another DNA test after her first result said he wasn't the dad. She was borrowing money from her family to pay for diapers by the time the second test proved he was indeed the father. This area is simply so fraught with pain, and some so-called labs are such charlatans, it should not be easy for someone to claim a "get out of fatherhood free" card because they went to a place with bad accuracy rates.
If someone is not in a desperate situation where their boyfriend will kill them or beat them up or leave them if he has to do a DNA test, I always recommend they go in person together to a certified lab that the courts recommend. I also counsel that both guys should test, so they get a definite yes and a definite no, from the same lab. The more conservative the approach with the more checks and balances, the better. This is an area where so much human misery can be caused by things done without the highest level of stringency.
But your blanket statement has to be further qualified, I think. For one thing, accreditation and accuracy rates are two different things.
There was a lab that advertised home DNA testing heavily on the Internet. It fit your definition, it was a "home DNA testing lab," and it was a "fully accredited lab" in the country where it was situated. And because its price was much lower than top labs like Ravgen and the DDC, people trying to save money on the cost of DNA testing flocked to it. But being a fully accredited lab didn't make it an accurate lab. For one thing, it only assessed about 8 chromosome pairs, meaning the results were often inaccurate, and that was if the couple actually received their results. It gained notoriety for frequently losing people's samples or never sending them their results. In other words, being "fully accredited" did not equal "their results can be trusted."
The really unfortunate part of it is that if a woman is in this situation, she often only gets one chance from her angry or doubting boyfriend to do a DNA test. She deserves better than simply that a lab is accredited, she deserves a test result that is correct.
One woman on this forum went through pure hell having to sue her ex to make him take another DNA test after her first result said he wasn't the dad. She was borrowing money from her family to pay for diapers by the time the second test proved he was indeed the father. This area is simply so fraught with pain, and some so-called labs are such charlatans, it should not be easy for someone to claim a "get out of fatherhood free" card because they went to a place with bad accuracy rates.
If someone is not in a desperate situation where their boyfriend will kill them or beat them up or leave them if he has to do a DNA test, I always recommend they go in person together to a certified lab that the courts recommend. I also counsel that both guys should test, so they get a definite yes and a definite no, from the same lab. The more conservative the approach with the more checks and balances, the better. This is an area where so much human misery can be caused by things done without the highest level of stringency.
You're right...accreditation is only one criterion for measuring whether or not a lab is a good one. And there are different accreditation levels too. So when I say "fully accredited," this should include AABB and CLIA. As with anything, it's up to the consumer to do their homework. In addition to checking accreditations, read online reviews (if the lab has any). And read independent assessments by science professionals or contact the BBB if you're in the United States.
You're right I might as well make sure it's done right so I don't have to question the results. I will make some calls tomorrow. What is your opinion though of my situatio?
1 Comments
It was kind of hard for me to understand your description, it would have been easier if you had said "Guy 1" and "Guy 2" or "Guy 1" and "My Present Boyfriend."
For example, at first reading, I thought you were saying you had been with someone who is not your present boyfriend only one time, on March 7.
(You said "We were apart for awhile and I was with someone only one time during our year apart. We started dating the beginning of March and had sex on the 7th of March ...")
But now I think(?) you are saying that you were with someone else two times, not only one time, and those dates were February 20 and 27?
Anyway, when you put a due date of December 1 into a conception calculator, you get a conception date of March 10, which obviously tends to favor the sex on March 7. I hope that is good news.
I believe you can get the name of (or even as list of) labs certified by the courts for determining paternity by calling the family courts in your area and asking the judge's clerk.
For example, at first reading, I thought you were saying you had been with someone who is not your present boyfriend only one time, on March 7.
(You said "We were apart for awhile and I was with someone only one time during our year apart. We started dating the beginning of March and had sex on the 7th of March ...")
But now I think(?) you are saying that you were with someone else two times, not only one time, and those dates were February 20 and 27?
Anyway, when you put a due date of December 1 into a conception calculator, you get a conception date of March 10, which obviously tends to favor the sex on March 7. I hope that is good news.
I believe you can get the name of (or even as list of) labs certified by the courts for determining paternity by calling the family courts in your area and asking the judge's clerk.
COMMUNITY LEADER
If your boyfriend already knows you want to do a test, why don't you just go to a certified lab? There are some reoprts about Identigene of the same guy taking the test two times in a row and being given a 0% chance of being the dad on the first and a 99.9% chance of being the dad on the second test. These reports are anecdotal, but what will you do if you get a 0%? You'll have spent all that money and will need to turn around and get another test anyway before you feel sure, I assume.
Even though you can't do home DNA tests in New York, I am sure the courts order paternity tests there all the time, and NY has labs for doing DNA tests. I would never test at a lab that is not certified by the courts as being accurate enough to be accepted as legal proof of paternity. No court has yet certified any home-test company for this purpose, it has to be the kind where you go in person with your ID and the samples are properly handled and all. Even with that, the tests aren't overly expensive. Are you considering a home test just to avoid the hassle?
Even though you can't do home DNA tests in New York, I am sure the courts order paternity tests there all the time, and NY has labs for doing DNA tests. I would never test at a lab that is not certified by the courts as being accurate enough to be accepted as legal proof of paternity. No court has yet certified any home-test company for this purpose, it has to be the kind where you go in person with your ID and the samples are properly handled and all. Even with that, the tests aren't overly expensive. Are you considering a home test just to avoid the hassle?
1 Comments
... because given that you have to dodge and have the results mailed to another state, it already sounds like more hassle than it would be just to go to a lab in person.
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