Messy situation

[yup247]

Ladies,

I was involved with a woman late last year whom i was a good friend too.She tried to take her life on the 22nd dec.
I spent from the 22nd till the 6th of jan with her.
We hooked up on the 30th and the 5th.
I left on the 6th because of her lack of remorse for the things she had done.something was a miss and her mental health is questionable.She meets all the criteria for b.p.d and bipolar and is medicated for anxiety and depression.
She has a very supportive family,but her toxicity was too much for me, being taken out via proxy- i lost my job because of her suicide attempt.

She tried to get back in contact april 19th like nothing had happened.she owes me money,i asked for it she said she could not repay. I decided to not go back and cut my loses and also cut contact.
Her mother sent me an email telling me they were seeking legal advice (i thought in regards to the money) i wrote back to her best not to worry best of luck to her on her future endevours.not worth the stress.
Next day ultrasound comes up on instagram.
Found out her due date is around the end of sep/ early oct.
I manned up and asked her mother via email if i am in the picture for this and stated if so i need to be notified so i can do the right thing.
I got an email from her daughter saying we need to talk.
I rang,she said 100 percent the child is not mine, I asked what the date of her earliest scan was she said first week of oct, but it has now changed to mid oct.
I know she does not have a regular cycle due to her endimitriosis.
I asked how accurate is your due date? she replied it is hard to say.
I said if your conception date is roughly calculated off your e.d.d and ultrasound only how can you say with absolute certainty that i am not the father? She said ultrasounds don't lie.
I left it at that and wished her well.
I have asked for a paternity test to clear myself properly at my expense but have not heard back. If this is my child i would like to know. I have a girlfriend at the moment and it will break her if this child is mine. i am in damage control and am trying to do right by everyone involved.
I think she may be worried i would try to go for custody if i was the father and the fact i have alot of crazy text messages from her that would suggest she would be an unfit mother to a magistrate. (not a path i want to go down) i just want to know if she is mine so i can do the right thing.

My question to you guys is this,'
If her first dating scan at approx 15 weeks said her due date was in the first week of oct, and we hooked up on jan 5,am i in the picture?

Is it normal for due dates to fluctuate through pregnancy by up to 2 weeks?

Any help appreciated never been involved in anything like this.
Thanks

[yup247]

Thank you for your advice, a mutual friend told me late september, she also set her ultrasound picture as her cover photo on facebook and in the comments of everyone congratulating, her exact reply to the comments were "thanks everyone its a girl due late september, early october". when i spoke to her on the phone when i called her, she was vague and only said "my first scan said i was due the 1st week of october, but its okay it is now mid october" by the sound in her voice it sounded like she was worried but trying to keep a brave front.I tried to keep it short and sweet and not put any pressure on her.

[AnnieBrooke]

If she is telling you that you are 100% not the father, it does sound like she believes it from the evidence, not that she is fearful that you will push for custody.  In such a case, she might find you pesty if you keep pushing her and be annoyed that you aren't believing what she says.  This will not get you the information you would like so you can put the whole concern behind you.

If you have not been too much of a pest so far about it and she is still speaking to you, I would suggest you ask if she would give you a copy of the report from the very first ultrasound she had.  (That is, the report that includes the date of the ultrasound, the gestational age of the pregnancy measured from the assumed first day of the last menstrual period, and the estimated due date.)  Put it on yourself, say you are just a nervous sort of guy and want to be entirely sure of everything.  Maybe she will send it to you if you put it like that.

The real reason you would like to see the actual report is simply because usually the doctor crisply says a due date, not a loosely-identified bracket of time.  (Or was the "around the end of September/early October" language yours and she actually said a particular date?  If so, what exact date was it?)  The report should say an EDD.  From that, you can use a conception calculator and work backwards 266 days or so, to see if there is even a chance you're the dad.

Yes, docs might adjust the projected due date as the pregnancy progresses, but the earliest ultrasounds are the most accurate for the purposes of dating the pregnancy.  Later changes merely reflect the fact that babies grow at different rates.  

My suggestion is to ask the mother, not the daughter, if her daughter did in fact have an early ultrasound.  Explain that if the ultrasound really was in the fifteenth week or earlier, and if it indicates a due date of around October 1, then you could possibly be in the picture, and so you want to see a copy.  If they cannot cough one up, or won't, frankly, you should just let it go.  There is nothing to gain from turning into a basket case now over this.  (And a lot to lose, if you have a nice girlfriend and won't shut up about this.)

It sounds less likely that your friend is afraid you will try to take away the child than that she is sure you really are not the dad.  Try to trust that.  Even though she is emotionally unreliable, it does not sound like you say she is too stupid to listen to her doctor and hear what he is saying about dates.  Women take this kind of thing dead seriously even if they have other issues in their lives.  When the baby is born, you can talk to an attorney about getting a court-ordered paternity test, to put the entire matter to rest.

In the meantime, don't tie yourself into knots.  Usually when a woman is pregnant and thinks there is even a chance that someone is the dad, she will call him and tell him that he probably is, not that he isn't.  Don't bug her or her mother, don't obsess, don't over-dramatize, don't catastrophize.  Time will answer this one.