Scared

[Blue123Green456]

i have very regular cycles, 28 days exactly and they have always been that way. My question is regarding an incident that took place a few years ago; my husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for a couple of months unsuccessfully. I had a period November 14th, and we kept trying after that. Based on my cycle length I should have ovulated around November 28th. My husband and I had intercourse every other day sometimes more since my November 14th period was over. We had a male roommate at the time who I hated and was extremely creepy and on the night of December 3rd he hit on me and tried to get me to give him a **. I refused and told him he needed to go and I was not interested in him at all and I threatened to call my husband at work. He then literally unzipped his pants and pulled his penis out, grabbed my hand and forced it on himself, and said "come onT I know you want it" and I pulled my hand away and there was wetness on it which I'm pretty sure was precum but I was in such a state of panic I'm not sure that I washed my hands right away. We had all been drinking a little bit so I didn't tell anyone and since I didn't do anything with him and he didn't act like that again I just let it go. Well on December 15Th I found out I was pregnant. Our child is almost three now and for some reason I have started panicking that maybe after the incident on December 3rd I didn't wash my hands that had that nasty guys seminal fluid on me and used the bathroom or something and it got me pregnant and our child might not be my husbands... Seriously I am freaking out and I don't want to tell my husband because I don't even want to put that idea in his mind. Also you guys are all strangers and you have no idea who I even am so I have no reason to lie about anything, that literally is all that happened and my husband is the only man I had intercourse with. It's just that our child looks like a clone of me and I don't see much of him in her at all so it has made me worry. Our child doesn't look anything like the other guy either but still I am worried. If I ovulated on November 28th like normal I have nothing to worry about but is it possible I could have ovulated five days late on cycle day 19? Again my periods are always regular... Here they are just in case

September 20th, October 17th, November 14th.

Thanks

[AnnieBrooke]

Date wise, you have no issues if your early ultrasound (and seventh week is plenty early) said August 20.  It sounds like the issue is the tendency to anxiety, and not the false scenarios that the anxiety invents.  Congratulations to you and your husband on your wonderful child.

Annie

[Blue123Green456]

Thank you so much for your response, we did kick that guy out as soon as we found out we were expecting. I do have a generalized anxiety disorder that makes me worry about unrealistic scenarios (yes even toilet seats) and when you included that in your response it did make me realize that it is my anxiety that is causing the worry. I had an ultrasound bi weekly beginning January 5th 2012 which would have put me between 7-8 weeks gestational and they gave me a due date of August 20th. I was studying the ultrasound from January 5th and although I don't know what most of it means I did see a measurement of 16mm on there, if that was the crown rump length it would have put me right at conceiving on November 28th when I should have so I'm hoping that's what the actual measurement was and not like an estimation or something they had plugged in already as like an average or something.

[AnnieBrooke]

Well, in terms of a DNA test, I don't think I would waste the money.

First of all, I would bet you washed your hands.  Why would anyone walk around with an attempted rapist's liquids on their hands after such an unpleasant event?  (I assume this guy is long ago thrown out of your house, by the way.)  You have to trust yourself, if you noticed liquid on your hands after the shock of the moment was over, you would have gone to wash off, with grimaces of disgust.

Second, there probably wasn't any sperm.  Pre-ejaculate by itself does not contain sperm.  He would have to have ejaculated recently and have some residual sperm left in his urethra, for there to be any.  Sperm dies when exposed to air.  if your hands were no longer wet with whatever he had on himself (probably likely to be sweat, but even if it was pre-ejaculate and even if it contained sperm), you would not have gotten any on yourself.  And it is not like you rushed off and put your fingers directly into your vagina in any case, you only 'might' have later on gone to the bathroom.

We get a guy in another forum who writes questions involving  imaginative scenarios involving masturbating and drying off with a towel or sometimes possibly getting something on the toilet seat and then a female relative (usually his sister but sometimes his mother) being in danger of getting pregnant.  Sperm is just not that mighty, no matter how mighty he would like his sperm to be.  I mention this because I want you to see that indestructible-sperm scenarios are really not true.  

If you have your very earliest ultrasound, what due date did they give you for your daughter based on it?  We can always check that and confirm that she came from your mid-cycle ovulation, if your ultrasound was early enough (like 7th or 8th week of pregnancy).  If so, write back with her estimated due date.

You could (if you had to) do a DNA test by swabbing a glass from which your husband has drunk something, I have heard.  Those drugstore tests are only considered moderately reliable, and if your husband ever saw a DNA test lying around that would be the end of his trust, so I don't recommend it, but I think it is possible if it would help you.

Finally, though, you really have to accept that the strongest likelihood is that you are processing the ugly incident with the guy, and have focused on worrying about paternity as an easier thing than dealing with the big anxiety caused by the event, the fact that you didn't say anything, the fact that this guy is still around, and so forth.  It might be that even a DNA test wouldn't convince you because you would still be stressed over what had happened, not because you seriously doubted that your husband is the father.  In your shoes, I would work on the anxiety and what all of this (and your reaction) says about you and your life, and go from there.  I would tell my husband what happened, if he would believe me.  One thing you can take off your plate is the worry that by touching a guy's penis you got pregnant by him.

[Blue123Green456]

ALao a DNA test really isn't an option right now because I don't want to freak my husband out, and I don't want to get that idiot who caused this mess in the first place all started up.