Ultrasound, LMP, and conception date.

Hi,

My wife says the start of her last menstrual period was Friday, Nov. 9th, 2012.  She tested positive for pregnancy about 4or 5 weeks later.  I understand ovulation occurs between 10 and 14 days after the start of the last period, which would make ovulation between November 19th and 23rd.

She had an ultrasound that showed the fetus was 7 weeks, one day.  It puts the date of conception on the 22nd or 23rd of November.  Seven weeks and one day put it on the 22nd exactly.

My wife was on vacation in the Dominican Republic until either Friday night, November 23rd, or Saturday night, the 24th.  I can't remember exactly when she returned, but it was no earlier than that Friday eve the 23rd.  We had intercourse the evening she returned--which would have been near midnight of the 23rd/early in the morning the 24th, or the following night.

Naturally, I'm concerned that she may have conceived before she returned.  She me a singer in the Dominican Republic and she was exchanging numerous text messages with him after she returned.

What are the chances that the conception was from me--and occurred either very early on November 24th or possibly late on the 24th--or occurred from an encounter when she was on vacation?

Thank you,

Dave

[Juliaschill]

Dates can be off by a few days, I wouldn't worry, but def work on the trust stuff with your wife so you guys and have a happy home for your new little one, best wishes~~ and if it will really bother you talk to her dr I am sure they can reassure you

[AnnieBrooke]

Here is what the conception calculator says:

First day of last menstrual period:  November 9, 2012
Probable date of ovulation:  November 23, 2012
Possible dates of conception:  November 19 to November 27, 2012
Due date:  August 16, 2013 (40 weeks)

It really sounds like this is likely to be your baby.

[AnnieBrooke]

Also, you said "I understand ovulation occurs 10 to 14 days after the period," but in fact if her cycles are regular, ovulation occurs 14 days BEFORE the next period.  If she has 29 day cycles or longer, ovulation would have been after she came home.  Try not to stress, a bunch of emails does not mean she slept with someone when away.

[djschaut]

Thanks.  She had continued to correspond with this guy she met in the Dominican, but does it through her e-mail, which I don't have access to.  She gets infuriated when I ask her what went on down there, and doesn't want to be questioned.  But, the Caribbean beaches are for what they're for--quick, romantic trysts with strangers.

I will definitely take your advice and speak with the doctor.  We're not sure at all if the start of her last menstrual perior was actually on the 9th.  She may have decided to tell the doctor it was the ninth to make ovulation as late as possible--so it appears to be my child.  There's no denying that the date of conception by the ultrasound is 2 days before she returned, though, and has to be taken into consideration.

The doctor will recommend a paternity test, I'm sure.

Thanks again.

[AnnieBrooke]

When was the ultrasound?  You mention that it was at 7w1d but did not say what date it was done.  Do you have that information?

[djschaut]

The ultrasound was done on Dec. 28th.

[AnnieBrooke]

Hmm.  If your wife were writing in with this dilemma and she had actually cheated, and didn't know whether to fess up to her husband, I would tell her that unfortunately, although her ovulation might have been a day later, she needs to get a DNA test and there is simply no glossing the fact.  Unfortunately, you don't have anything to go on, in your assumption that she went on her trip and had a little more happen than you were told, unless she finally fesses up.  

Here are the things in your favor --

-  An ultrasound counting out to one day earlier than you know you had sex, is not enough to definitively say the baby is or is not from the 22nd or the 23rd.

-  If she had something happen on the side, wouldn't she have insisted on a condom, given that she was married and not on the Pill?

Here are the things that suggest (but don't prove) she might have had something sexual occur when away:

-  You are not surprised by this possibility (only you and she understand your relationship, and the fact that you don't find this out of the realm of possibility says something).

-  The ultrasound (while not definitive) counts out to the 22nd.

-  She is not being very forthcoming on the contents of her recent emails.

I am rooting for the baby being yours, as it is so close that you can't rely on the ultrasound to give a definite answer.  (Unless, of course, you want to pick a fight now because you don't want to stay married anyway.)  I am also thinking you are being calm enough and even somewhat philosophical enough that perhaps the other part of the discussion is with your wife (either now or when the DNA test finally comes) about your relationship, and whether it is meaningful enough to you that you would raise a child from her, no matter whose biological baby it is.  

Long ago, when I was wilder, I had the chance to step out on my husband at a time when he would never have discovered it, and it was tempting to me (I later realized, because I wanted a baby so much and had the sense that the man could have given me one).  I didn't take the opportunity, though I did have many flirtatious emails with the guy for quite a long time afterward.  My husband was aware I was having some kind of flirtation, but also that I had not slept with the guy.  Much later, I was curious and asked my husband what he would have done, had I come home pregnant.  (I really had the strong sense that it would have happened.)  He said, "Well, it would have been difficult, but we would have handled it."  I'm certainly glad that we didn't have to put it to the test, and don't know really how true that was (although it might have been, as he and I get along).  Anyway, it's a question for you to think about -- however, only after a DNA test.  

Good luck, Dave.  I'm hoping this works out the best way for you.