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Who's the father? Need some help please
Hi, would really appreciate some clarity please.
I have a baby boy now but want to confirm who the father is although I have a fair idea of who he might be.
I had sex with guy A in the early hours of January 2nd 2016, he didn't ejaculate in me or at all and penetrated me for only a few minutes.
My period came on Monday, January 11th 2016. It wasn't spotting, it was my regular period lasting 3 days and I filled at least one sanitary pad per day.
I then had sex with guy B after my period ( from 14th of January 2016) and continued to do so until I found out I was pregnant in February. We had sex over 50 times and he ejaculated in me multiple times.
I had an ultrasound scan ( several), the first being when I was five weeks and five days gone ( gestational age) and my EDD was said to be October 18th 2016. Based on this EDD, I delivered my baby via scheduled c-section just a week before October 18th 2016, on October 12th 2016 at 39 weeks.
The EDD was calculated by the doctor based on the first day of my last period ( 11th October 2016) and also based on the findings of the ultrasound scan which corresponded with the last day of my period. There was a two day difference but that's about it. The EDD never changed.
Based on the above, who's the likely father? Considering that I had my period after sex with guy A and that the doctor calculated my due date ( 18th October 2016) based on the first day of my last period being January 11th 2016 and also based on the ultrasound scans results and never changed this due date.
Very many thanks for reading.
I have a baby boy now but want to confirm who the father is although I have a fair idea of who he might be.
I had sex with guy A in the early hours of January 2nd 2016, he didn't ejaculate in me or at all and penetrated me for only a few minutes.
My period came on Monday, January 11th 2016. It wasn't spotting, it was my regular period lasting 3 days and I filled at least one sanitary pad per day.
I then had sex with guy B after my period ( from 14th of January 2016) and continued to do so until I found out I was pregnant in February. We had sex over 50 times and he ejaculated in me multiple times.
I had an ultrasound scan ( several), the first being when I was five weeks and five days gone ( gestational age) and my EDD was said to be October 18th 2016. Based on this EDD, I delivered my baby via scheduled c-section just a week before October 18th 2016, on October 12th 2016 at 39 weeks.
The EDD was calculated by the doctor based on the first day of my last period ( 11th October 2016) and also based on the findings of the ultrasound scan which corresponded with the last day of my period. There was a two day difference but that's about it. The EDD never changed.
Based on the above, who's the likely father? Considering that I had my period after sex with guy A and that the doctor calculated my due date ( 18th October 2016) based on the first day of my last period being January 11th 2016 and also based on the ultrasound scans results and never changed this due date.
Very many thanks for reading.
Hi Annie, thank you very much for your extremely insightful response. You're correct. I'm taking out time to consider why I always generate fearful issues that don't exist. Also dealing with guilt but I have come to terms with that or trying to. The excessive obsession with anxiety is the main issue I'm dealing with now. It almost feels like I cannot accept peace, I've dealt with this for years. It's always one thing or the other. One time I took over 20 HIV tests even though all the tests clearly indicated that I did not have the virus. Another time I convinced myself I was infertile when the opposite couldn't be truer. Sometimes i just sit and think about bad things that could wrong like being financially stagnant. Another time i tortured myself with thoughts that I would never get married, I am now married. I have a deep rooted anxiety problem which I need to take steps to address.
I really do appreciate your kind respond. Very many thanks for all the great work you do here.
I really do appreciate your kind respond. Very many thanks for all the great work you do here.
1 Comments
Talk with your therapist about why you "cannot accept peace;" it sounds like it would be a very fruitful line of inquiry for you. I am not saying everyone is content and feels peaceful, but to be pushing it away actively suggests fear, i.e., that you have a deep-rooted feeling if you let down your guard something bad will happen. Please see a professional, it can make so much difference. Also, and most important, you are going to be a mom, you want to be in your best form and emotionally all there for your baby. Take care.
Hi, really hope to hear from you soon. Very many thanks
1 Comments
Here is what I always say when someone writes in to the DNA/Paternity forum with dates that don't actually add up to anything bad, and asking "what if?"
(First of all, you're one of the lucky ones. So many women would trade places with you exactly as you are, even with this question left open. Just read in the Infertility forum or the Miscarriages forum if you would like to see some of those.)
But anyway, when a woman writes in obsessing over the dates and yet nothing the doctor has said has indicated there is a real question (for example, having sex weeks off they would have needed to in order for a guy to be the dad and having a period in between), usually they pretty much already do know who is the dad.
When people are faced with something they can't control (such as guilt over their behavior, or -- for some women -- the idea of being a mom and unmarried, or being with a certain guy who is not ideal dad material, or being a mom at all, or worries about money, or thinking the other guy is a better guy, or feeling God will punish them, or some other reason), it can be too much. People in this kind of existential stress often let their anxiety settle on something more cut and dried, like dates.
If the problem is something else, like guilt or shame or fear, you can't solve that by focusing on dates. Identify the correct thing that is distressing you about the situation and you can begin to solve it.
Someone in the Anxiety forum recently wrote in and used an analogy, "having to look under the car every morning to be sure the earth had not split open under it before driving away," to talk about the phenomenon of "what if, what if, what if." Some fears, like that one, are easy to see as unrealistic, but some people think it's a good idea to look under the car!
Everyone who does this has her own reason. Process the real reason driving the anxiety, no amount of analysis of the dates will solve the problem when the dates aren't the problem. If it's really bugging you, see a counselor and talk about what's driving the anxiety.
(First of all, you're one of the lucky ones. So many women would trade places with you exactly as you are, even with this question left open. Just read in the Infertility forum or the Miscarriages forum if you would like to see some of those.)
But anyway, when a woman writes in obsessing over the dates and yet nothing the doctor has said has indicated there is a real question (for example, having sex weeks off they would have needed to in order for a guy to be the dad and having a period in between), usually they pretty much already do know who is the dad.
When people are faced with something they can't control (such as guilt over their behavior, or -- for some women -- the idea of being a mom and unmarried, or being with a certain guy who is not ideal dad material, or being a mom at all, or worries about money, or thinking the other guy is a better guy, or feeling God will punish them, or some other reason), it can be too much. People in this kind of existential stress often let their anxiety settle on something more cut and dried, like dates.
If the problem is something else, like guilt or shame or fear, you can't solve that by focusing on dates. Identify the correct thing that is distressing you about the situation and you can begin to solve it.
Someone in the Anxiety forum recently wrote in and used an analogy, "having to look under the car every morning to be sure the earth had not split open under it before driving away," to talk about the phenomenon of "what if, what if, what if." Some fears, like that one, are easy to see as unrealistic, but some people think it's a good idea to look under the car!
Everyone who does this has her own reason. Process the real reason driving the anxiety, no amount of analysis of the dates will solve the problem when the dates aren't the problem. If it's really bugging you, see a counselor and talk about what's driving the anxiety.
When I had the trans abdominal scan with the baby measuring 5.5 weeks ( at 6 weeks and 1 day from the first day of my last mensutral period), there was no fetal pole visible, only the gestational sac. There was no fetal pole or heartbeat.
I forgot to add that in addition to ultrasound scan on 23rd February 2016, which was done 6 weeks and 1 day since the first day of my last period, which gave the following gestational sac measurement " 16.9 mm = 5.5 weeks", I had another scan on 6th april 2016. Measurement on this date ( 12 weeks and two days since first day of my last period) was "CRL 5.39 CM= 12 weeks 0 days".
The EDD following the first scan was 20th October and the EDD following second scan was moved back to 19th October 2016. This never changed even after their scan in the 20 sonething week and I delivered via planner c- section on 12th October at 39 weeks, a week before EDD of 19th October 2016. Planned csections usually conducted a week before EDD. Baby weighed 3.5kg. Can I safely assume that guy B is the rather? Very many thanks.
The EDD following the first scan was 20th October and the EDD following second scan was moved back to 19th October 2016. This never changed even after their scan in the 20 sonething week and I delivered via planner c- section on 12th October at 39 weeks, a week before EDD of 19th October 2016. Planned csections usually conducted a week before EDD. Baby weighed 3.5kg. Can I safely assume that guy B is the rather? Very many thanks.
Hi, many thanks. I'm so sorry to bother you but would really appreciate it if you could kindly explain why you said it's guy B? I believe it's guy B too but I have deep anxiety issues so usually have troubles accepting facts. Very many thanks.
2 Comments
You had a period in between the guys. All the ultrasound information suggests the second guy.
The first guy was weeks too early.
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