oh no

Hi so i just found out i was pregnant...but heres the problem my last cycle was nov.28 and i missed for the month of december my question is when was i  ovulated if i had intercourse on dec.9 protected and dec.14 unprotected.....when should my due date be?

[AnnieBrooke]

Hi, you're worried about your due date?  Or are you wondering who is the dad?

Generally speaking, if you had protected sex with one person and unprotected sex with another, the father will be the person with whom you had unprotected sex.  

You said your "last cycle was November 28," do you mean that was the first day of your last period?  How regular are your cycles?  How long was your average cycle?  (The average for women is 28 days, but a lot of people have longer or shorter cycles than that.)

The difference of only 5 days between the two possibilities might prove too close to call.  Have you had an ultrasound, and been given a due date from the ultrasound measurements of the embryo?

[confusedkid29]

Both guys where unprotected the one on the 9th pulled out before he did and my bf on the 14th didnt....my ultrasoumd isnt until the 7th of feb.....and yes the first day of my cycle is nov 28 and i didnt have one for dec my cycles are very regular 28 days ever since i started having them and im worried about both if i could figure out the due date i could possible figure out the father

[AnnieBrooke]

OK, without an ultrasound, let's do some old-fashioned counting.  Period begins on November 28.  Regular 28-day cycles, assume a day-14 ovulation.  That brings you to December 12.  A woman's egg lasts approximately 24-36 hours.  That  bring you as far forward as the 14th, if you ovulated in the evening ... on the other hand, it is still within range of the guy on the 9th, since the sex was unprotected.  (Pulling out is not much help.)  

When you get your ultrasound, they'll give you an estimated due date, a number of weeks pregnant (a count from the first day of your last period, not a count from conception), and possibly a crown-to-rump measurement of the embryo.  Be sure to ask if your estimated due date is based on the measurements of the embryo, rather than just being based on your report of when your last period began.  (If your boyfriend is in the room and you don't want him to know there is a choice of possible fathers, just say your period has been a little irregular and you weren't sure that you could count from the actual first day of your last period.)  Keep in mind that all doctors will name a pregnancy count (i.e., the figure that says 6 weeks 5 days or 7 weeks 3 days) that begins on the first day of your last period, even though you didn't conceive then.  Usually they will discuss possible conception dates if you ask them specifically, i.e., "When would conception have been?"  And please don't worry, they have gotten this question lots of times so they won't be judging you.

Good luck!

[AnnieBrooke]

In the fifth sentence, the word "might" dropped out.  It's supposed to say, "That *might* bring you to as far forward as the 14th ..."

[confusedkid29]

Also sorry i put the wrong the guy that isnt my boyfriend was on (dec 8) i dont know if that makes a huge difference or not and i also took 3 at home pregnancy test i took the first one around the 20th of december.....i really dont remember the date and it came out negavtive after the 25th of december i took another one on the 30th and 31st and they both came back positive.....as well as my cycle never coming

[AnnieBrooke]

The odds slightly (just slightly) favor the earlier of the two guys.  Drop me a line when you get your ultrasound.

[confusedkid29]

What do you mean.....and okay i will!

[AnnieBrooke]

I said the odds slightly favor the earlier guy because (and please see my answer above for more complete explanation of this) without an ultrasound, old-fashioned counting says you ovulated December 12.  If you really DID ovulate on December 12, the guy on the 14th might be be too late.  But this is only if you indeed did ovulate on a schedule that regular.  

You will know a lot more when you get your ultrasound.  Send me the due date, making sure it is based on the measurements of the baby, and we can recompute.  Please re-read the above about how doctors count pregnancies, so you won't freak out if the doc gives you a date based on the first day of your last period.

Take care, I'll watch for your post.

[confusedkid29]

On my (my cycle app) it says my ovulation for the month of dec was the 9th thru the 14th. And THANK YU for all your help

[AnnieBrooke]

Well, you don't ovulate for 5 days.  You ovulate one time, and the egg lives from 24 to 36 hours, and then it is not viable any more; unlike sperm that can live several days in the reproductive tract.  Probably your app was simply giving you a likely or estimated window in which you could have ovulated at any given point.  

[confusedkid29]

If my cycle started on the 28th of nov and ended on the 2 of dec...could that change the date that the child was conceived.

[AnnieBrooke]

Your initial post says your cycle began on the 28th.  Is this different?

[confusedkid29]

No not a difference

[confusedkid29]

Im just really stressed and scared i really need it to be the 14th kids my (bf).....

[AnnieBrooke]

Try to relax as much as possible, you will get your ultrasound pretty soon now!  Remember, they'll give you an estimated due date and a number of weeks pregnant using a count that begins on the first day of your last period, not a count from conception.  Be sure to ask if your estimated due date is based on the measurements of the embryo, rather than just being based on you saying when your last period began.  (As I said before, if your boyfriend is in the room and you don't want him to know there is a choice of possible fathers, just say your period has been a little irregular and you weren't sure that you could the count from the actual first day of your last period would be reliable.)  If your doctor says "you're x weeks pregnant," ask him "From conception?" since doctors often use a figure that begins on the first day of your last period.  You want to be clear as crystal on what the doc is saying.  

[AnnieBrooke]

"that you could the count from the actual first day of your last period would be reliable" is supposed to be "that the count from the actual first day of your last period would be reliable."

[confusedkid29]

Yesterday was the big day the doctor said im 10weeks and the baby is due on sep.4th.......i got to see the baby move around and hear a heartbeat. He said i shouldve ovulated around the 12th or 13th so it should be my bf (the second date) what do yu think?

[AnnieBrooke]

Conception calculator says for the due date of September 4:

Probable date of ovulation:  December 12, 2012
Possible dates of conception:  December 8 to December 16, 2012

If one guy was on the 8th or 9th but pulled out, and the other guy was on the 14th and ejaculated inside you, then we are back to the first statement I made in this thread, "generally speaking, if you had protected sex with one person and unprotected sex with another, the father will be the person with whom you had unprotected sex."  But that's just speaking generally.

Unfortunately for the sake of being sure, the guy you don't want to be the father is the first guy of the two.  Although you only ovulate once and the egg only is viable for 24 to 36 hours, sperm can live for up to 5 days in a woman's system, so his sperm could have been in you from the 8th at the time you ovulated.  If the doc thinks you conceived on the 12th or 13th, and you didn't have sex with the guy you want to be the father until the 14th, it still leaves the question open, even if the guy on the 8th or 9th pulled out.  You could have ovulated a day or two later than the doctor says, and then the baby would be your boyfriend's, or your guy on the 8th/9th might have had some sperm in his urethra from an earlier ejaculation and have gotten some of it in from pre-ejaculatory fluid.

I am sorry, but this is one of those where I strongly recommend a DNA test.  Is there a way to test quietly with the guy who is not your boyfriend, to rule him out?  (Of course, don't tell him that is why, or he'll have his buddy go to the lab for him.)   It really wouldn't be fair to your boyfriend to have him be raising a child thinking it is his, when it is not.

[confusedkid29]

The doctor said i ovulated either on the 12th or 13th. And i dont have anyway of getting in touch with the first guy we are completely out of contact.

[Bonnielv]

Did u get a due date? @anniebrooke u are so good I agree

[confusedkid29]

Yesterday i got a random call it was the other guy...i tild him the news and he said he is 100% sure it isnt his child but he would stay in contact until the birth.....and now my bf has started having pregnancy syptoms (symptoms) as in leg cramping and craving for ice cream....am i over thinking this?

[AnnieBrooke]

Your doctor said you ovulated around the 12th or 13th; until the day a DNA test says differently I see nothing to disagree with, since old-fashioned calendar counting says the 12th.  Couvade is not uncommon for people around pregnant women whether they are the father or not, unfortunately.  I'm glad the other guy is staying in touch.

[confusedkid29]

How do your determine how long your cycle last?

[AnnieBrooke]

In one of your earlier emails, you said, "my cycles are very regular 28 days."  So, 28 days.  But if you have had ultrasounds, go by them if there is a difference.