please help - could i be the father

[aes181]

As at 26/4/13 the girl is 23 weeks 5days pregnant. I had sex with her 7/12/13. Condom broke but she said she was on pill. I had work next 3 days and was stressing so much i begged her to get morning after pill which she told me she did. Now she tells me shes pregnant with my kid. Im so gutted she was a casual buddy and i dont want a child im not ready. I know she was sleeping with other men at the time as ive tracked 1 of them down who thinks it cld be his. Thing is she is adamant its mine but i think its bcos other guy is broke and i make good money. Anyway please please help. Thankks

[Mamagee]

What is her due date and when did you have sex ( unclear).

[AnnieBrooke]

Don't forget to talk to your solicitor or attorney when it comes time for a DNA test.  You want everything to be handled by the book.

[AnnieBrooke]

Let it rest until you even know if any part of the story is true.  It sounds like she is lying and you are buying into it, and that is probably making her feel just fine.  Save the feeling-sorry-for-yourself and the blame for later if you do learn you're going to be a dad, which given the situation it sounds like you never will learn this.  And frankly, you are an adult and you went into the sex with free will.  You didn't know her well enough to know if she was completely sane, and if she would do exactly as you commanded regarding the morning-after pill, you just had sex because she was offering it.  Your mother probably warned you at some point to make good choices, and you didn't.  So phrases like "totally unjust" seem kind of childish here, you did not act in a completely self-protective way.  Do you know there are couples out there who wait to have sex for x months, so they can both get STD tested, so they can have sex with no worries?  I'm not seeing you in the practical and safe club, here.  

If you do wind up paying child support, it will be because you have a child.  That's what good men do, they man up.

[aes181]

Thanks for the advice/ words of support. It seems totally unjust that i may hav hav to pay 15%of my net income thru the prime of my life for something thats not my fault. I no its not the kids fault - but its not mine either, its the mothers.

[AnnieBrooke]

I would let this rest until the time comes for a DNA test.  You're just playing into her hands and upping the drama by going back and forth with her and calling her names and stuff about her lifestyle, then getting 'gutted' with worry about how much child support costs.  The chances are, if she was having sex with more than one guy, you're just the most attractive candidate, but that she herself has no idea who the dad is.  Let it go, let it go, just get good legal representation so the DNA test is properly handled by a certified lab.

[mamaof4410]

You can wonder and ponder every date possible but a DNA test is the only way to know for sure. Best of luck to you. FYI for the next time the condom breaks take the young lady right them and get the morning after pill. Watch her take it. Trust me if she's playing dirty now and she's not even due until August wait till that baby comes. And IF it is yours she seems like she will use the baby to get what she wants from u...not ok.

[RazisMama]

If someone else signs the birth certificate it doesn't mean your not responsible, obviously you would still have to pay for the child if the test proves its yours. Just wanted to clarify that for you.

[aes181]

Her mam told me the due date so again, not a 100% reliable source

[aes181]

Thanks guys. Feel slightly better. Best regards to u all. I mite just b safe then. And yes i think she def lied abwt the pill etc.

[babybump223]

It also takes 3 days for sperm to travel so if u had sex 12/7 sperm would be at egg around   12/10

[babybump223]

I really dont beleive ur the dad if u had sex on 12/7 just my opinion though :) good luck

[babybump223]

Conception of baby will be Nov. 25 give or take a few day before and after so around Nov. 20 through Nov. 30 is when baby was conceived

[aes181]

Believe me, lessons have bn learned. Wld rather be celibate until i find the rite girl than go thru this again. If any pregnancy boffin can answer the question abwt the dates it wld b appreciayed. Gd to know the stuff abwt the birth cert too thnks

[RockRose]

Counting backwards,  they believe she had her last regular monthly period beginning Nov. 11.  When you calculate gestational age,  you count back to the beginning of the menstrual period so you essentially get two "free" weeks of pregnancy at the beginning.  If she has regular periods,  she ovulated around Nov. 25 and that's when she would have been fertile.  

So you had sex with her Dec. 7,  which gives you less than 2 weeks of wiggle room in there.  That's too close to call.

I will say,  she's been lying from the beginning.  There's no way a woman would get pregnant if she were on the pill AND took a morning after pill.  I suspect she was trying to get pregnant all along,  to trap someone (you).

How was her due date calculated,  do you know?  Do you know from the doctor,  not just from her,  what her gestational age is?

[kimjarrah]

Make sure she does a DNA test before you sign anything because it sounds like shes just saying its yours so she gets more money.. Did she lie about being on the pill and taking the morning after pill? Because if she had both them pills it sounds very unlikely that she would be pregnant to you.. They estimate your duedate according to your period unless you get an ultrasound and it shows something else.. They get your duedate from the first day of your last period

[mommabear27]

They date it from  her last period, so when you concept, she is, technically, already be two weeks pregnant.....its very strange how it works out......  rough calculations put her EDD at August 18th with a rough conception date of 38 weeks earlier of November 25th - at the point of conception she is roughly already 2 weeks pregnant.

http://    www.   pregnology.   com/faralong.php?month=8&day=18&year=2013   (minus the spaces) may help

[My2princesses]

I hope it all works out for you I'm not with my first daughters father he pays child support but I only took him because he would not provide for his daughter I would never taunt my child's father about how much he will be paying to me that shows she just wants money...

[cmm20]

O nd if she has someone else sign the birth certificate ur not responsible. I kno this cuz my brothrr is having the same issue

[cmm20]

Even if she refuses a dna test, u can either forget about it or take her to court nd judge will order one. Nd maybe its time to pick ur girls better huh.

[aes181]

Thanks for all ur quick replies and advice. I really appreciate it. I think she taunted me bcos isaid some bad things about her lifestyle.... Still tho the fact she said it shows how nasty she can be. If it was mine id rather get custody then have it adopted rather than let her and her familu bring it up. Im so stupid for gettin myself into this mess. Just checked child support is 15% which will be £322 a month. Im so done for if its mine. Can i just check, is the date  from the doc the time to her last period. So basically any time 28 days after that can b wen she got pregnant? I was hoping it wad timed to the actual date of conception which would be 26 days out meaning safety.

[mamaof4410]

I honestly would not worry about something u have no control over at this point. As soon as the baby is born YOU need to go to the child support office explain the situation and they will court order a DNA test. And do not sign the birth certificate because if you do you are acknowledging that you are the father. Its bad that this happened but there's really nothing you can do at this point.
I'm due August 14th my conception date was Nov 21st. And my last period was Nov. 5th. I'm 24 weeks 3 days. Hope that helps alittle. If she had a sono before 12 weeks they're usually very accurate because the change each week is immense. Best of luck to you

[mommabear27]

I would definitely say to her that you want a DNA test - if she refuses, then why is she refusing?     If she was sleeping around with other guys at the same time, then I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her TBH.   Don't commit to any Child Support - tell her if the DNA test comes back and it is yours then you;ll be happy to contribute to the cost of raising the child but because there is some reasonable doubt as to whether its yours or not, then you're not obligated to provide any sort of support to her until you know if it is yours.   As for her taunting you with how much you will have to pay her, that's worrying......I'm not with my baby's father any more (but we were together for 4.5 years prior to breaking up) and even I don't do that to him.    He will be paying so much off his wages each month but the level of that is set out by the Government  (here in the UK, there is a minimum amount you have to contribute monthly), and he has no qualms that the baby is his, he will have unlimited access etc etc.    Hope it all works out for you

[My2princesses]

Doctors are usually pretty accurate about the due date, I wouldn't stress to much get a DNA test cause if she has been sleeping with other men around same time there's a chance it isn't yours.

[aes181]

Going back 23wks 5days gives a date of 11nov, nearly a month before i had sex with her. How accurate are the docs wen they say hiw far gone u r? It sounds terrible, but i will be devastaed if its mine. Ive since found out her family are right scumbags, only got myself to blane for not personally overseeing her take the morning after pill. Shes already taunting me wih how much child support ill have to pay. I feel like im guna have a mental brreakdown with the stress