who is father of my child???

[devika1994]

my last period in june 17.. i inseminate my bf's sperm via syringe in june 30.. sex with my husband in july 7... now am pregnant.. ultrasound on yesterday states GA=6 +/- 1week.. now am too confused.. my husband won't permit me to take paternity test... so pls help me... give suggestion pls.

[devika1994]

thank u lucy sister... your words made me happy.. i love you too... am lucky on you and annie as my sister.... thanks a lot...

[lucy4413]

I hope that the father is who you want the father to be also. Sometimes women are lucky and the child looks identical to the father. It is still just hard to believe that DNA testing is not readily available in India. If I came off as rude,arrogant or judgmental then I am sorry that goes for Annie also it's just that I have seen those dates get ppl into trouble and cause so many problems for all parties involved. It's just I am a very passionate person and I have done a lot of research on the subject at hand. I know that I came off as rude when I told "Annie to show me facts bc I can show you facts about what I have said", that was mean and I feel bad about saying that." There was no call for me to say that, bc she was just trying to help. But I just wanted you to have the facts and i wanted u to know exactly what you are dealing with bc before all that mess happened with my friend,I didn't know anything about any of this conception mess. It will all work out for u.

[AnnieBrooke]

Hi, devika, I sent you a private message with some information.

[devika1994]

thank u sister for your suggestion... i inseminate my boyfrnd's sperm in june30 before that am not sex with anybody for two months.. approximate ovulation date is july1.. if the sperm of my boy frnd live 5 days and fertilized thats no matter... i had sex with my husband after a week  june 7... this day is less chance of ovulation... so the possibility of my husband is less... am happy about that.. i pray god that my child for my boyfrnd's... i also decide to know the blood group of my husband's and my child's blood group... if child's blood group is entirely different to my husband and me... then it must be my lover's... till that conclusion is very hard... if child's blood group is mine or my boyfrnd's and husband's blood group are same then the confusion continued till clear notice of my child's appearance.... anyway i have to wait with confusion till the conclusion....

[lucy4413]

The can not tell how long that the sperm survived****

[lucy4413]

Lots of eggs are fertilized and dont implant. An egg has to implant to grow and reach milestones.  Sperm can survive and fertilize an egg anywhere from a couple of hours to 5 days after ejaculation.After the egg if fertilized it takes 7 to 10 days to travel down the fallopian tubes . In all it can take as many as 7 to 14 days between the sex and the fertilized egg implanting in the uterus. So I dont understand where u get "implantation" doesn't matter from ,when u need to take that up to 14 days into consideration when trying to figure out the dad. BC the egg has the implant to develop before the u/s can measure it. If an egg doesn't implant then it never develops into a baby. So I think that implantation is just as vital as the sperm. So what u are saying is that the u/s  can tell if that sperm got to the egg within2 hours or 5 days? Technology is good but not God,lol. Again what I am saying is sperm that got to the egg after laying in wait 5 days cld have gotten to the egg before the 3 day ago guys sperm did. And the size and development wld be at the same point BC the sperm was swimming at the same time. I'm not trying to be a know it all but I'm looking at facts. Everything that I have stated abt this sperm survival and conception dates are factual and I wld like for u or anyone else to show me credible data that says differently. Pregnancy calculations are not an exact science. The can say how long sperm lived or how long it took the egg to travel down the fallopian tubes. The give estimates like sprem can live up to 5 days inside of you and 7 to 10 days before it implants. They dont say it for a fact takes 2 hours for the sperm to find the egg or that sperm like for exactly 1 hour after sex or that it take 2 days to travel down ur tubes. They give estimates BC the can give their best educated guess but they will not say 100% of bet their career on it. Again sorry if I have offended anyone but I want to give ppl facts so that they will know exactly what they are dealing with BC sometimes is crisis u will listen to what sounds best for ur situation. That's why I say that forums are great but use them for entertainment purposes only and do not base something as important and life altering as the paternity of us child on a non professionals opinion. And that goes for my statements as well. A person should look at the opinions of others then do research and find out the facts BC ppl may men well but can tell u wrong not trying to be malicious but the information that the are sharing is not correct. But like I said fell free to cross check my facts.

[lucy4413]

I'm sorry but I do not know what you are talking abt ,my point is not the growth. It is which sperm fertilized the egg. That's the point. That is what matters. The identity of the father. Not being ugly but it does not matter abt size that does not tell u which sperm met the egg in question. You just proved my point. Just riddle me this," If Ryan's sperm was left inside of Ginger then Rick also left sperm in side Ginger then ,who is the father?" What a am saying is yes an u/s can determine size and development but it can not say which mans sperm go to the egg first. So no matter what u say the fact remains thatsperm can live for days ! So even if the u/s says that the conception date was June 3. How do u know which sperm got to that egg assuming that u had sex with A on June 1 and B on June 3. U/s can not say that that was not A's sperm that survived a couple of days. That's my point. I dont think u get what I am saying. She doesn't care abt size ,she cares whose sperm met that egg. Do me a favor take a screen shot of this convo,then take it to a professional and I guarantee u that the will agree with me. And no dr in the world wld say 100% who the father is. And like I have stated the conception date that the u/s gave me had to have come from sperm that had survived inside my uterus fordays BC I had sex like 5 days before that. So that sperm had survived and somehow found the egg. And since that happened to me then I'm sure it happens all the time. Check out sperm survival and egg implantation times. And when the egg implants does matter. BC when it implants and starts to grow starts the babies development. So I dont see how old sperm fertilizing an egg then it implanting over a week later doesn't affect anythg. Implantation starts the beginning of life. If it doesn't implant it doesn't survive.But how long the sperm lived and implantation times does matter. If that was know u cld tell who the father is. BC if u know that Z's sperm took 10 days to fertilize the egg and the fetus is sized appropriately then u know that its Z's baby. BC the fetus is too old to be F's baby.

[lucy4413]

My point being that an ultrasound can not and never will be able to tell which mans sperm fertilized the egg. Therefore using the u/s dating is taking a chance.  I never said that the u/s didn't measure and age the baby ,I said it can not tell who the father is. There are cases where twins have different fathers. The u/s can tell the age of the baby not the father identity. My point is that if you have sex with 2 different men within a small window of time then the paternity is up in the air. And anyway ultrasounds are not 100% accurate will size. The dr will tell u that it is only an.estimate. I have known women than scanned a 10lb baby but the baby weighed 8lbs. Some babies grow and develop faster or slower than others ,fact. A lot of factors can affect size and growth.  My point is "If you have sex with 2 different men within a small window of time then there is no u/s on earth that can tell you if Tim or Tyrone's sperm fertilized that egg ,ex if Tim left sperm and Tyrone left sperm how can a u/s tell whose sperm meet the egg first?!" Ask a professional and they will say the same thing. Sperm can live days and it can take more than a week before the egg implants. And Devika1994 ,since DNA is out of the question then I agree that you can wait and see who the baby looks like. BC since u can't get a DNA test then this is the best that u can do in the situation. The reason I know that dates and figures dont always lead u in the right direction is that not only did it happen to a friend of mine but it happened to my sister also. That's why I know that sperm are tough and can survive for days. Do a little research on sperm survival and egg implantation. I am confident abt every thg that I have said and then ask a professional. U/s dating and fetal size can not tell u that man A's sperm hide a few days and fertilized the egg the same day that u had sex with B. BC u/s datingwld be the exact same size. Its hard to believe that as old as DNA testing is that it is not readily available to u. In the united States u can buy a test at a drug store then u mail off the sample to a legitimate lab and then they send u the results. It works BC I know ppl that have done these type tests. But I have heard stories abt India and how women are treated and they were not good things. I pray that all works out for you and I hope that ur love is the father.

[devika1994]

yes sister, if my husband knows that the child is not for him then he might angry. i don't know what he do... he does not know my boy frnd yet... my boyfrnd says that he did not like to marry any girl other than me.. if my husband knows about my love matter then my boyfrnd promised me to take over me with my child... he loves me more... you care me as your own sister, i love you sister...

[AnnieBrooke]

I didn't question how much you will love the child, I do not doubt any woman would love her baby no matter who the father was.  I was more concerned that in your situation, your husband's anger if he finds out what you did might play a role and give consequences for you or the child.  Unless, of course, you are saying he does know and for some reason does not care.  But if he knows you do not particularly love him and then the child grows looking like your boyfriend and you are entirely in love with the child, you do not think he (your husband) will put 2 and 2 together and become angry?  That was why I was wondering if it is wiser not to know.  As things stand now, you honestly would be able to say the child is likely to be your husband's.  There might be some protection for the child in this, since your husband would doubtless feel differently about the baby if he thought the child was your from your a.i. with your boyfriend.

[devika1994]

no sister you miss understand me.. it is my child, i love and live for it... if it is my frnd's i happy too.. my boyfrnd love me more.. if child is his then he will too happy.. he did not touch me yet.. (he place the sperm syringe in table i take and inseminate it).. i love him so.. i pray god give me a choice atleast carry his child... if not what can i do, its a god's will i have to accept it... anyway he/she is my child. i love it.

[AnnieBrooke]

Would you not be in an awkward spot if you did find out that the baby was from your love and not your husband?  I cannot imagine you would be able to hide your joy, and some pretty horrendous stories of in-laws' cruelty to young married women have come out of India.  Maybe (given that your husband refuses to do a DNA test) you would be better off not knowing for sure?

[AnnieBrooke]

Lucy, the ultrasound measures the embryo or fetus.  It does not make any assessment about when the embryo implanted in the uterine side wall.  It makes an assessment of the date the sperm met the egg, as evidenced by its growth level at the point when the crown-to-rump measurement was taken and the various indicators of development were seen.  Whether one guy had sex with someone and the embryo implanted ten days later when the woman had sex with the other guy is not significant.  The u/s shows the size of the baby as counted by embryo development milestones, which begin the day of conception and have nothing to do with the day of implantation.

[devika1994]

sister, my boyfrnd love me more.. my parents not accept his love due to caste problem.. they marry me to my husband... i don't like him but i have to live with him... if my child is my boyfrnd's i would be very very happy... i pray god to continue my love in the form of my child... anyway thanks sister for your suggestion and advice...

[devika1994]

thanks for the suggestion and care on me sister....  in my country DNA test is costly sister... so economically its not possible now sister.. i have to wait for the child to see the appearance of the child to take little more decision... anyway it is my child... i love it more... i pray god that it must be my boyfriend's...not for my husband...

[lucy4413]

When a say DNA test I mean after the baby is born. It is possible to do a test before the baby is born but I think there is a threat of m/c. But an amniocentesis is usually only reserved for medical reasons, but I have heard of women that did it to determine paternity for reasons like rape. But I had a DNA test at 16 weeks to test my babies chromosomes. But that may not be available in India yet and it costs about $2000 without ins and with ins it cost $235. I have know idea how much that is in rupees.

[lucy4413]

Im not judging you. I just dont want to give you false hope & tell you all good things BC it does not impact my life. I wld want the truth. It happened to my friend. Her child was 5 years old when a DNA test confirmed that the man than that child thought was her dad for all those years was not her father. She lost her entire paternal family. It was awful. And that innocent baby was hurt the most BC the family does not deal with her at all anymore. One day she had a dad and the next day she did not. 5 years is a long time to love a person then lose them due to no fault of ur own.

[lucy4413]

The u/s in not a guess but the conception date and due date are based on calculations ,ask a professional. No u/s can or will tell u how long that the sperm survived inside of you and no u/s can say how long it took the fertilized egg to implant into the lining of your uterus. So like I said if u had sex with Jim then Peter 10 days later. There is no u/s in the world that can say whose sprem fertilized that egg! Ask a professional. I dont matter if you had a cycle in between. The baby wld still be the same size on u/s if Jim's sperm took 3 days to fertilize the egg then it took a little over a week to implant which just so happens to be the same day that the woman in question had sex with Peter. When u go to a fertility specialist they do not say "only have sex on the days that the calendar says that you ovulate" my doctor said sex every other day. BC nothing in the world is perfect! And to devika1994 your best action to get a true answer is DNA. Those calculations have destroyed lives. This I know for a fact.

[AnnieBrooke]

*but* the baby has not been born

[AnnieBrooke]

I agree entirely with you that devika needs facts, the baby has not been born and it is early enough for her to get a dating ultrasound, and this is the best she can do for the next many months.

[AnnieBrooke]

Lucy, a due date given to someone by a doctor looking at the baby in its 6th week by ultrasound is not just a guess.  They measure the crown to rump measurement of the baby and look at other indicators, and can tell almost exactly to the day how far along the baby is.  If someone has a later ultrasound it will not be as precise, since babies grow at different rates.  That might be what happened in your friend's case.  If a doctor measures the actual baby at a very early stage like this, and the computer in the ultrasound projects forward to a due date, it is all math.  One can count back from that due date to come extremely close to the conception date.  I am not saying to do this based on bad input, such as a second-trimester ultrasound, but it is possible to do it if the ultrasound is in the sixth or seventh week.  And devika has enough time between men (just barely) to be able to make an educated guess if she were to have this information.

[devika1994]

i am from india, here such a facility not possible sister.. if it here it would be too cost... tell me suggestion under this situation...

[lucy4413]

A due date/conception date is just an educated guess. Any doctor will tell you that it is not an exact science. And anyone that tells you that it is, is a liar. It's all "educated" guess work. A lot of women have gone by these dates and figures and have been wrong! It happened to my friend! So get a DNA test from walmart when ur baby is born and secretly test the guy/s in question. It's private and only u will know the results. My friend thought the wrong guy fathered her child for 5 years! It was so hard on that innocent child bc she had become so close with her "dad" and his side for the family. So for ur child's sake don't guess.Guessing has destroyed a lot of women/kids/men's lives. You need facts! You want to be 100% sure for ur child's sake. I think the test costs like $15 and another $80 to send it to be tested.

[devika1994]

ok sister, i eagerly wait for that day of ultra scan..