who is the dad

Ok so I had sex multiple times with guy #1 may 20-31 and also june 1-11 then with guy #2 on june 15? It's a guess not sure but he didn't finish. I have around a 32 day cycle and i'm guessing my lmp was may 22 not sure though and my due date is feb 25...

[SexyMaBennett]

U conceived with guy number 1

[sky994]

Well I just worry also because I had sex with guy #1 many other times and didn't get pregnant

[AnnieBrooke]

May 31- June 8 is the conception window given on the conception calculator for someone with a 28-day cycle, if you have a due date of February 25.  Given that you have 32-day cycles, that could possibly extend the window to June 10.  I can see why you worry about guy #2, since that is only five days later and sometimes ovulation is not like clockwork.  How did you get the due date, did you have an ultrasound at some point?  If so, how early in the pregnancy was it?  

[sky994]

Yes I had 2 ultrasounds done at diff hospitals around 7and 11 weeks that confirmed my due date but idk how they come up with it.. that sounds stupid but yeah...

[AnnieBrooke]

A 7-week ultrasound is the best way to get as close as possible to time the pregnancy.  It does it by measuring the crown-to-rump length of the baby, and comparing to a database of other embryos of the same size for whom the dates were known.  Medically, pregnancy is counted as beginning at the first day of the last period, so the ultrasound says "your baby is x cms long, which matches a bazillion other babies whose moms had the first day of their last period on [  ] day."  In other words, just from the crown-to-rump measurement of the embryo, they can compute not only your likely due date but also your likely first day of your last period.  (This measurement is less accurate by week 11 than it is at week 7, because embryos grow at different rates.  If you got one due date at week 7 and a different one at week 11, go with the one from week 7.)

OK, given your due date is that reliably computed, google "conception calculators" online.  Some of them are so specific that you can also plug in the average length of your cycles, which will be a help to you because yours are longer than average.  You're likely to ovulate around day 18, not the standard day 14, if your cycles are 32 days long.  See if you can find a calculator that has a spot for that added bit of information, and plug your numbers in.  It will give you a window and a likely ovulation date.  Have you gotten that far yet?

[AnnieBrooke]

In fact, I just checked your numbers using a conception calculator that also intakes the length of the cycle, and it did push your numbers back by four days.  This isn't too helpful for you getting clear on whether it was guy number 1 or 2, because it lets guy #2 back into the picture.

Where are you with these guys?  Do they both know there might be another candidate for Daddy?  

[sky994]

No I would be really really screwed if it was guy #2 but june 15 is a guess... it may of been june 2015 I remember thinking I was supposed to start my period relatively soon after guy #2.. but also he didn't finish so I didn't think about it also because I had sex 9 months and never got pregnant so I thought something was just wrong..

[sky994]

Actually now that I think about it, it had to of been the 16 or 17 of june with guy #2

[AnnieBrooke]

If you had the thought, when having sex with guy #2, that you were soon to have your period, you do have a slightly better chance that it is guy #1s; I trust women's knowingness about stuff like that.  But unfortunately, they are really just an nth degree too close to possible ovulation range to rule anyone out for sure.  Can you take a DNA test with either guy when the baby comes?  In other words, if you are trying to keep things a secret from one guy (which I don't really recommend because secrets like that don't keep very well), would you at least be able to get a DNA test done with the other guy to rule him out?  Because you're going to need a DNA test, when it comes down to it, as a basic issue of fairness to the baby and to the men.

[sky994]

Well the due date has always been the same.. and ywah guy #2 stopped talking to me.. I don't even have his number.. should I be worried? I feel all fingers point to it being guy #1 but idk..

[AnnieBrooke]

I think most of the fingers do point to it being guy #1, you had the most sex with him and at the time you had sex with guy #2 you remember thinking your period was going to come pretty soon.  But unfortunately the timing of ovulation does vary, so you aren't in a place where you can be a hundred precent sure.  And the problem is, being wrong on this is not like being wrong on buying a car or getting a bad grade in college.  You need to know with 100% certainty because it is unfair to all parties -- to both men and to the baby -- not to know.  

In your shoes, I would not stress about this now, but would plan to do a DNA test after the baby is born.  You can do it with either dad if they are the only two choices ... if it's not one it's the other.  Certainly you could track down guy #2 if you really had to, but the issue is whether or not you should also come clean to guy #1 now.  As I said, if guy #2 gets a DNA test done, will word get around?  If so, you're much better telling guy #1 now.

[AnnieBrooke]

sorry, either guy, not either dad.  lol

[sky994]

Well do you only get pregnant during ovulation? I feel like counting back I would of gotten pregnant between june 1-1015 right?

[AnnieBrooke]

If you ovulated right on time.  What does June 1-1015 mean?  The window I got on the calculator that used your 32-day cycles said that the last day it computed for ovulation (given a period that began on the 22nd of May) was the 16th.  All it would have taken for you to get pregnant from guy #2 is for you to ovulate a couple of days later than usual.  And sperm from him, of course.  The problem is, you didn't get pregnant from guy #1 in all those tries, and guy #2 is not ABSOLUTELY ruled out.

[sky994]

I meant june 10 but I don't see how it could be guy #2 because from my due date 40 weeks back is may 27 or something and 2 weeks later is june 10... still keeping me with guy #1

[AnnieBrooke]

Well, the "2 weeks later" comes from assuming a 28-day cycle and that a woman always ovulates at her exact midpoint.  A woman with a 32-day cycle will ovulate on something like day 18 from the first day of her period (because ovulation leads the next period by 14 days), and that's if she is like clockwork.  

Because women are humans and subject to variation, all the online calculators have disclaimers saying they are not diagnostic, they are just computing the numbers based on averages.  As I said above, I think most of the fingers do point to it being guy #1, you had the most sex with him, and at the time you had sex with guy #2 you remember thinking your period was going to come pretty soon.  But unfortunately the timing of ovulation does vary for women, so with two choices within such a short time range, 100% certainty will be elusive.