New crown - wobbly and causing swollen gum

I have recently had a crown on a rear bottom tooth.  I had lost part of my tooth due to excessing grinding and fillings kept coming out.  The dentist put in a temp filling for a few weeks.  This was extremely painful for a few days, the gum went white underneath and there was a lot of pain in the jaw / gum but no pain in the tooth.  I think this was due to long term problems I have with TMJ but cleared up after a few days.

I returned to dentist for crown prep and explained the situation.  She prepped the tooth for the crown and said that due to this problem with the temp filling and the fact that the hole went close to the root cavity I may need RCT.  Since I was not in pain and there was nothing evident on the x-ray, she said she would put temp crown on and when perm crown came in she would put it on with temp cement for a few months to see if there was a problem.  The temp crown was fine for a few days, except the bite was too high.  After a few days a bit broke off and after that there was a swishy feeling whenever I bit down but no pain.  I explained this to the dentist when I went for the perm crown.

The perm crown was put in and i found it much bigger than original tooth (even on the outside but sticks out on inside by about 1/2 a tooth) which was uncomfortable.  It is also a lot higher and is the first tooth hit everytime I bite down.  After a few days I noticed this was aggrevating my TMJ and that the gum under the tooth had become swollen but I had no pain, so I returned to ask the dentist to file it down as I thought that it was bruising the gum.  She had a quick look and said I had an abscess and needed RCT and since she had used permanent cement she would have to drill through.  She said that even though she had suggested temp cement because I was in no pain she had actually used perm cement. She did not file it down, so it is still the first tooth hit when I bite and is now feeling wobbly.

I have 2 concerns -  is is an abscess / RCT if I have no pain at alland  if I need RCT and she has used perm cement rather than temp against her own advice should she replace the crown at her expense.

Many thanks