AFTER 40 YEARS

MY FATHER HAD A STROKE IN 1996. HE HAS DIABETES AND IS AN ACOLOHLIC. IN 1997 HE NOTIFIED THE POLICE SEVERAL TIMES ACCUSSING SOMEONE OF STEALING THE BOAT THAT HE SOLD A COUPLE OF YEARS BEFORE HE HAD THE STROKE.  HE HAS BEEN VERY VERBALLY ABUSIVE TOWARDS MY MOTHER TO WHOM HE HAS BEEN MARRIED TO FOR 40 YRS.  HE WANTS HER TO STAY IN THE SAME ROOM WITH HIM AT ALL TIMES. HE IS ANNOYED WITH HER IF HER FRIENDS VISIT OR CALLS.  SAYS HE WANT ONE THING FOR DINNER THEN DEMANDS THAT SHE PREPAIRS ANOTHER MEAL.  HE HAS CURSE AT FRIENDS AS WELL AS FAMILY.  MY MOTHER TRIED TO END HER LIFE IN JUNE. HE SHOULD NO EMOTIONS. ONLY WAS CONCERNED WHEN SHE WHOULD RETURN TO TAKE CARE OF HIM.  HE CAN MASK HIS PROBLEM VERY WELL TO DRS.
HE HAS BEEN IN THE HOPITAL SEVERAL TIMES THIS YEAR FOR DEHIDRATION AND FOR HAVING HIGH SUGAR BLOOD LEVEL. EACH TIME HE CHECKS HIMSELF OUT AT 2 OR 3AM. AND INSISTS MY MOTHER PICK HIM UP.  THIS TIME SHE DIDN'T.  SHE IS LIVING WITH ME AND WE DON'T THINK IT IS SAFE FOR HER TO EVER RETURN.  I TOOK A WEEK OFF TO HELP TAKE CARE OF HIM.  WHEN HE IS ANGRY WITH ME HE WET THE BED OR LIE ON THE FLOOR IF HE THINKS HE HAS BEEN LEFT ALONE AND WILL SAY HE FELL. HE WILL MOVE AROUND IF HE THINK NO ONE IS IN THE HOUSE AND HAS GONE TO THE KITHCHEN FOR A SNACK WHEN I WAS ASLEEP.
MY BROTHER LIVES IN THE SAME TOWN AND IS ABLE TO LOOK IN ON HIM TWICE A DAY.  MY BROTHER AND I HAVE GATHERED THE POLICE REPORTS AND DOCUMENTS THAT WE FEEL OR NECESSARY TO PLACE HIM IN AN ENVIRONMENT THAT CAN GIVE HIM THE BEST CARE TO REGULATE HIS DIABETES AND DIET.  SOCIAL WORKERS MENTIONED SEVERAL IDEAS FROM CALLINF ABUSE HOTLINE TO BAKER ACT.  PLEASE GIVE ADVISE
KLNM

[HFHS M.D.-SW]

Dear KLMN,

It must be difficult dealing with so many stressors.
From your discription, your father may have multiple causes for his behavior. Medical factors such as the stroke, or diabetes. Psychological factors, the dynamics of his relationship with his wife and family. Environmental factors, an inability to take of himself.
You appear to be going in the right track by referring him community services such as social work.
I recommend a referral to a psychiatrist where his behavior can be addressed psychologically and medically.

Best Wishes,

HFHS M.D.-SW

[briana]

Don't rule out the possibility of Alzheimer's. My father in law had this, and it sounds like the way his symptoms started...unwarranted, uncharacteristic agression...and it comes and goes...also the loss of bowel control...it may not have been on purpose, but uncontrollable...

Look into this as well..especially if he is older, and having followed the stroke...