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AM I OR AM I NOT
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AM I OR AM I NOT

My husband says that I am not human and that I am not normal because I don't have sex every night. This is not something that I dwell on or think about all the time. He on the other hand thinks about sex all the time and tells me that I am not right because I don't think about it. Is it normal to not think about sex or to not dwell on it all the time? I need some answers to know what to do, because I feel and have always felt like I was normal and a human being.
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Avatar_n_tn
Asha,

Sexual urges may vary from person to person. It is normal not to want to have sex every night. It is unclear if there are other underlying issues between you and your husband; if there are, marital counselling may be beneficial.
12 Comments
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Avatar_n_tn
don't worry! you are perfectly normal! it took years, but i finally convinced my husband that all life doesn't center around sex. we each have our  own sexual appetites and it's not uncommon for men to have a more active appetite than women. if you don't enjoy sex with him that's different, but your'e 100% human. just work together to try to find out what will work for both of you. thats marriage! good luck!
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Avatar_n_tn
Sounds like your husband is the one who has the problem.
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Avatar_n_tn
You are VERY normal.  He is being abnormal for bullying you into thinking something is wrong.  In most cases, it seems that men think about and want to have sex more often then women do.  I know that in my own marriage, if I am sick or am thinking about other things, that sex is the last thing on my mind.  The exact opposite is true for my husband.  He could have a fever or the flu and he still wants to have sex.  Amazing.  My husband would like to have sex daily, but to me, that kind of sex is no more than "assisted masturbation" because there is no quality to it.  I prefer better sex less often!  Anyway, it is normal, when you are first together to want to have sex all the time.  Eventually, that wears off a bit (especially for women it seems) and you go into a more relaxed pace.  It could be that BOTH of you are normal but your sex drives do not match.  This is nothing for you to feel guilty about, but you do need to resolve it.
Christine
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Avatar_n_tn
I am wondering if you have all the children you plan on having?  My wife is exactly the same way,  before we had our last child she loved having sex, we did it 3 or 4 times a week.  But now since all our children we are having are here (she had me get a vasectomy)  she is not interested in sex anymore,  she told me in an argument that we were having one time " why have nasty sex if we dont plan on getting pregnant?"  I couldnt believe she said that, but she meant it.  I love this woman and will be with her forever, she is a great mom, just we dont have sex anymore.  I do frequent prostitutes from time to time.  She knows but we dont talk about it.  I once caught her masturbating so she must like some sort of sex.  In fact the time I caught her, I opened that bathroom door one time she was in the bath and witnessed her furiously working her hand between her legs.  She knew I was there but didnt stop, suppose she was at that point of no return. Within a few minutes she had orgasmed many times.  When she was done, she motioned me over and performed oral sex on me ...... to completion.  That was 6 weeks ago, neither of us has spoken about it.   I sure wish I could figure her out.
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Avatar_f_tn

My boyfriend has the same problem as the husbands mentioned above. His entire ego and self image revolves around how often he gets sex. It makes him feel like a man I guess. He gets moody and verbally abusive if he doesn't get it everyday. I tell him he reminds me of the male dogs in the neighborhood, always in hot pursiut of the females.

Sex is the last thing on my mind. I have much better hobbies to satisfy my ego, and emotional security. I actually kicked my boyfriend out of my house and told him I only want to see him on weekends, if at all, because of the daily nagging for sex. It gets very old and tiring fast!
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Avatar_n_tn
uh Barbara!!  I do NOT have any kind of ego problem, I simply have a libido, and THAT is quite normal.   You are the one with the problem,  hasnt someone told you that you are NOT normal?  They should.  I think you need to go to Mcdonalds and grab yourself another dozen cheeseburgers, and comtemplate why you are so abnormal.  *oh* and by the way, comments like that one above mine are typically made by people lacking self confidence in them selves , and fat as hell!!!  *s*  Good Bye to Barbara the PIG,  oink, oink..... good day.
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Avatar_n_tn
Normal?  If you could put everyone into a Normal Category then there would be nothing that makes each of us special.  Sexual urges, Passions, Likes, Dislikes, that is what makes us different.  That is what atracts us to each other.  Age, maturity, childhood, life it all shapes who we are.  Love and Pain also shape us.  I had some of the same sexual problems with my wife.  I thought she did not like sex and I hated the rejection.  Not tht I quit liking it, but why keep trying with someone that did not seem to be interested.  OK so this went on for quite awhile.  I recently found out she had an affair.  When I ask why she said because I did not give her the sex she needed.  That opened a whole can of whup butt!!  We talked and talked and talked some more.  We have been married for 4 years and I just found out that X rated movies really turn her on.  As much as I love sex I decided to try everything.  I rented movies I read books, I ask her and others a lot of what used to be embarassing questions for me in the past.  I can tell you that the sex has never been more frequent nor better since she had the affair.  Now I am not saying that that is the way to go, but you need something to get the communication started.  The best book I got was John Gray, "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom."  There are very different sexual drives explained and types of sex to satisfy both partners.  The bottom line is if you care enough about the other person you will do a lot of things to make them happy and they will in turn (if there is true love) do a lot of things to make you happy.  HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT TO WORK?
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Avatar_n_tn
Greg-get control of yourself, you sound like a smug little five year old.I wouldn't want to have sex with you either, you probably have no idea what Barbara wants. You are probably one of those guys who last 5 seconds and then thinks the woman should get up and do a victory dance...
p.s.-little penis syndrome!!!!
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Avatar_n_tn
greg, man,

you suck.  I can't believe you haven't been more mature about asking your wife what it is that makes her feel that your sex together is not worth it.  You two lack communication.  I mean, to resort to a prostitute and to not speak of it.  Or to not speak of the encounter in the bathroom.  Maybe your wife prefers performing oral sex and she needs to tell you that.  Communication could save you some trips to the prostitutes.

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Avatar_n_tn
greg, man,

you suck.  I can't believe you haven't been more mature about asking your wife what it is that makes her feel that your sex together is not worth it.  You two lack communication.  I mean, to resort to a prostitute and to not speak of it.  Or to not speak of the encounter in the bathroom.  Maybe your wife prefers performing oral sex and she needs to tell you that.  Communication could save you some trips to the prostitutes.

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Avatar_n_tn
Ok guys here's one for your side!!!!

Okay women, why is it so abnormal to want sex all the time.  Maybe it is who you are having sex with.  I am a 29 year old woman who loves sex.  I have been in a monogamous relationship for 2 years.  And my boyfriend happens to be the same way.  I can't get enough.  But when either one of us needs a break we take one.  No feelings hurt.  But truth be told the only break I need is my cycle every month.  Every woman had to have her time to heal.  smile.  I have heard women say, I would rather smoke a cigarette, and my response is there isn't any cigarette that could possibly tastes so good that I rather have it than sex.  I have had my share of problems, my EX husband, stopped wanting to have sex, for no reason.  Just never felt like it, I'm not ugly, fat or anything that would cause him to, he told me I was beautiful and sexy and everything, but his interests was not as high as mine.  NOTICE I SAID MY EX HUSBAND.  Sex is not everything, but it sure is a big thing.  I can express to my boyfriend how much I love him and show him my feelings through lovemaking.  See we don't always have just sex, we make love, we F@#$!!!  and we have quickies.  Every time does not have to be an hour or so.  It's all about making each other feel good.  But women, you cannot just tell your man, NO MORE SEX and expect him not to be upset, that's just like him telling you, I'm not going to take care of you anymore, i.e.  finacially, emotionally.  All you are doing is telling him, "I don't care what you want, this is what I am going to NOT do, whether you like it or not."  Wake up, or you'll be an EX too.
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