Adult ADD

My husband (54years) has adult ADD. He is seeing a psychiatrist, who prescribes Concerta. He's been on it for about 6 months - says that, while it hasn't been a magic bullet or anything, that he feels more focused with it.

This is the problem:

I find him increasingly difficult to live, due to his list of symptoms. Sometimes, they seem to be getting worse. I guess I feel that there are other things he could be doing to manage this illness.  But he never follows through on anything. And, in order to manage his problem, he has to have a "managing" skill set - which, as a man with ADD, he does not! His symptoms are all typical ADD. It is driving me crazy!

I feel that "taking care of him" is dysfunctional and unhealthy for me. I have let go of much of that but some of it hangs on, of course - let's face it, if I just stayed out of everything, we might be living under a bridge by now!  :)   I am separating from him emotionally in an attempt to detach and not be co-dependent but through that process, I think I am checking out of our relqtionship. I fear that my marriage may come to an end over this.

Is there anything to suggest that might get him on track and that would keep me out of the role of babysitter?

Thanks so much!

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

Yes, there is something.  It is a good honest direct conversation.   He may have ADD but that should not be an excuse or an explanation for everything.  The dependency pattern is a separate issue.  the best thing you can do for the two of you is start seeing a therapist together to sort this out and think it through.