Am I helping the situation?

First off, I would like to thank you for your valuable insight.  I took it upon myself to go see the clergy that married us and I received counseling.  The Minister said that if he does not feel comfortable even talking to him then it will be almost impossible for him to talk with a stranger.  Do you agree?

What can I do to make my husband feel comfortable about seeking counseling.  I think maybe he feels counseling is like "TV" and he doesn't understand that it is a tool to help you cope better.

Is there a way that I can get him to get some of his hurt out by using some type of technique (I know I'm not a professinal, but are there any basics)?

You were so right about him wanting to find a way back into this marriage without giving in.  Yesterday, he called me at work and apologized for only one thing and he said he does not need to apologize for anything else and he hung up (some apology).  I know that was his way of breaking the ice, but nothing has been resolved as far the issue of his anger.

How do I make the first step of breaking this cycle?

Should I continue to seek counseling and maybe he will follow?

Should I just tell him either he gets counseling or he will have to leave?

I am so confused as to what I should do.  I really don't want to make him think everything is okay, because I know the problem is still there and it is just a matter of time before he finds something he feels victimized by.

Please help me.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

I suggest you go into counseling yourself and invite him to join you when he is ready. You might try the masteringstress program to help yourself work on what to say and what to do in more detail than I can give you here. You can request a review by me, and I will have more of the kind of information I need.

Try the minister approach with your husband when the time is right.

[grrlfriend]

Hi Queenlov,

Try getting a copy of the book: Stop Walking on Eggshells' by Randi Kreger/Paul Mason, you can get it at:

http://www.bpdcentral.com

I also have links to websites for partners of those who were abused as children at my own site:

http://home.hvc.rr.com/helenbpd

Best of luck, do go to some of the online support groups I list on my site, you will find tons of support and advice and understanding: believe it or not, many many people have found themselves in your position.

hugs,
Helen