Black Cloud

My lover suffer of social anxiety and is in medication.  Still, some times he feel what he described as a "black cloud" that comes and make him feel unconfortable. He prefers not to see me or anyone until it pass.  This can take from a couple of days, hours, or weeks.  Some times he had allowed me to get close, we have talked and he has admited that it has helped and has made him feel a lot better.  Some times if he gives me chance to talk to him in some way that same day or the day after he feels better.  When it happens he starts to feel sad and with no willingness to see or to talk with noone.  He pulse goes verry hard and his heart beats really fast.

My concern is that some times he just start to think on finishing this relatioship because he feels he's not good at it or that he does not want me to go through his situation. I'm sure of his love because with a clear mind he has always mentioned how it means for him. I'mm the first one to agree on not to push a relationship.  But I know he loves me and that he will regret if he finish this.  I can just say ghood bay but I love him too much and i feel like abandining someone I love whe i know he needs help.  Usually he's very open anbout his anxiety.  My other concern is what should I do when this "black cloud" that he describes comes?  Shuold I just leave him alone?  This worries me because he starts to think on finishing as an easy way to deal whit this alone.  He's 43 and I'm 33.  Should I push and try to see him and to talk? Or just leave it to luck?
Please, advise.  I don't think it matter but it might help to mention that I'm a man too.

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

You are right it does not matter that you are a man also.  This is a common problem in all relationships but in this case it seems to be more severe and pronounced.

If you want to continue in this relationship you will have to persevere in your attempts to help your friend but it will require a great deal of effort on your part.  You will have to be very flexible and use your intuition to decide when to push closer and when to back off.  Over a period of time this can work.  You should tell your partner in advance that this is what you are going to do and ask him to cooperate since it is in his best interest also.

Both you and your partner may get some help from a program I developed called the love repair kit to.  You can find it on ***@****.

[Koala]

Read my post, my conditions have cost me many relationships in my life, sometimes partners can't deal with it,
I don't believe sexual orientation has a thing in the world to do with a person "feeling" like being alone to deal... many times I want to just crawl in a dark corner and wish everything away.
K.

[Black Cloud]

Koala,
Thank you very much for your response.  Please, feel free to ask, as the Dr. answered it is a little hard from the other side.  Fortunatly me and my partner are very open about it and I think I know when to insist.  May be we can help each other.  Understanding you will help me understand my partner and giving you my response might help you realize that first you are not alone and second I'm not the only willing to share my life with someone in similar situation like yours.

May I sugest you to take a look at a book titled "The Way to Love".  I read it and my lover also.  Koala, life is here and you have to accept yourself with all the good things and the bad things.  We all have them. Look inside you, I'm sure there is a lot of beautiful things.  It seems poetic but the truth is we forget to look inside us, stay in touch with life itself. Let me know if you are willing to communicate by email and I will write you. I preffer not to post minein here.

Thank you and do not forget to see the sunshine.

Black Cloud